To have sent DCs friends home for this behaviour?

[VictorBaucherOrSomething]

DD (11) had two friends for a sleepover last night. About 9pm I walked into the kitchen to find them playing some 'game' where one of them was trying to make the other two laugh when their mouths were full of water. The girls were holding soup bowls and spitting the water into them, except they were obviously missing the bowls and there was spat-out water on my kitchen floor. I asked them to stop and to clean up the mess they made.

When i returned to the kitchen they were still playing the game, with the manky water still on the floor so I asked them to stop again. I have a mirror in the kitchen and saw the two other girls rolling their eyes behind my back and trying not to snigger. At that point I told them it was time for them to go home, so I called their parents to collect them. One parent was pretty apologetic, the other was less than impressed and was pretty snippy with me.

DD still isn't speaking to me for sending her pals away but I was pissed off with the lack of respect from them. AIBU?

Starting to explain why things are sensible or safe at the age of eleven?? Thats about ten years late.

They should have stopped when you said.

But it’s not a battle I’d have had.

Sleepovers are for fun, noise and a bit of mess.

Sleepovers weren't a thing when I was their age but DD has had a few here and at friends' houses. I listened to what DD said about the host parents when she came home and that's how I learned not to be a party pooper but to have boundaries.

In that situation I'd have brought the mop & bucket in for them & then joined in - even adults can have silly moments.

YABVU

I would have distracted and diverted if the activity was bothering me. Settled them in front of a film with some snacks or something and then mopped up myself.

It's quicker and easier to whisk the bowls off them and be bright, breezy and brisk with your disapproval and then move the whole thing on to something else.

You've made an absolute mountain out for a molehill.

I didn't want to wind you up but only a couple of months ago we had 15 yr olds here for a sleepover after a party elsewhere and they vomited in my kitchen after being collected by dh......you will honestly look back on this and realise these were the easy days.

Massive overreaction. This is just kids being kids. I would have been relieved my daughter's sleepover was going well and they were having fun. I maybe would have taken her to one side and told her that she was responsible for cleaning up once the game was done but I wouldn't have told the other girls off. Your daughter is unlikely to forget this incident.

You might need to prepare yourself for the teen years OP, the eye rolling is constant!

To send them home probably was mortifying for your DD. However It's no wonder kids are acting the way they are going by these replies.

Well done OP, your child could be getting up to stuff that turns your hair white, but you ruined her perfectly innocent fun.

DD won't understand. They were playing messily I agree. Better than being glued to phones or tv.
With respect your boundaries are very rigid.

Some parents appear to have been raised in straight jackets and don't know the simple pleasure of innocent fun.

Are you always this uptight?

She didn't parent well by jumping straight to extreme reactions

Better parenting would have been to explain why the game was inappropriate/suggest alternative ways to play that made it appropriate, helped tidy up or at least stayed around to make sure it was done and diverted to another activity

Sending home for the minor crime of... eyerolling behind OP's back gives very little in the way of escalating consequences for actually bad behaviour

We played this game with our kids on NYE. It’s really fun. Seems a shame to send them home over this.

You were harsh to send home and ruin other parents plans - what if they had gone out for a meal etc

you should have made them clear it up but kept the sleepover

Absolutely! Permissive raising is the best! When children doesn't take 'NO'! And later become sociopaths. Yes please, we need more children like this!

Good job for OP who knows the limits!

Do not, even for a second, think you did anything wrong! Plenty of posters here must use permissive way of raising their children, which why everything is going down the drain. You did a good thing. You know the limits and you stick to it. Who cares what the other parent thinks, if their little spoilt brat was raised to listen and obey, wouldn't need to go home. It's totally their fault (and I'm hoping you spoilt their plans!)

I'm sure you would let your spoilt brats to spit on somebody else's floor while visiting. What a role model you must be!

I've put up with worse! I make them clean up and tell them if they want to be cheeky do that in their own house, but wouldn't have sent them home.

Your poor daughter, this is not going to play out well for her at school.

That’s a stretch. Most people are saying this game wasn’t an issue and the OP massively overreacted. It’s a jump to then say those parents aren’t properly disciplining their children or teaching them manners just because they are happy for a bit of totally harmless nonsense on a sleepover. I’d say I’m quite a strict parent and I have kids in their mid teens that aren’t running wild or being rude etc but I’d have had zero issue with the game being played (and the attempt to contain the water in the bowls) provided they cleared up afterwards.

Bet she’s dreading school this morning, poor kid 😟

So what? It's irrelevant whether it was intended to be seen. They were disrespectful and got called out on it. Quite rightly imo. 11 is plenty old enough to understand the concept of respecting one's elders.

Your reaction (and some of those on here!) was akin to them spitting in your face and calling you a cnt tbh*

What nonsense. And as for toadying up to them with hot chocolate and popcorn after they'd been rolling their eyes at OP... how much respect do you think that would earn?

Agreed.

I've got teens doing gcses. They're all top sets, working hard, have part time jobs, do DofE (with all the volunteering and music and drama lessons that entails), babysit for friends and neighbours, are on sports teams....

I am no way a lax, lazy or permissive parent and my dc are respectful, productive and wonderful young people.

However, I absolutely wouldn't have overreacted in the way the OP did and would have chosen to not make a big deal out of this.

I have dc who talk to me about everything, confide in me, are able to be honest and open. They know their friends are welcome, they we are always the place they can come back to, that there will always be food and bedding for whoever needs it.

Parenting in such a in extreme and intolerant way will lead to your teens going elsewhere. They will do sleepovers where you have no say in who is there. You won't know who people are when they talk about them. They won't tell you when things go wrong or they mess up.

I am not a permissive parent at all, but I not an authoritarian either.

I don't root my self esteem in the reaction of tweens.

It's very relevant

There is a huge difference in the level of disrespect intended between wanting someone to see and know you're disrespecting them and rolling your eyes behind someone's back