To have sent DCs friends home for this behaviour?

[VictorBaucherOrSomething]

DD (11) had two friends for a sleepover last night. About 9pm I walked into the kitchen to find them playing some 'game' where one of them was trying to make the other two laugh when their mouths were full of water. The girls were holding soup bowls and spitting the water into them, except they were obviously missing the bowls and there was spat-out water on my kitchen floor. I asked them to stop and to clean up the mess they made.

When i returned to the kitchen they were still playing the game, with the manky water still on the floor so I asked them to stop again. I have a mirror in the kitchen and saw the two other girls rolling their eyes behind my back and trying not to snigger. At that point I told them it was time for them to go home, so I called their parents to collect them. One parent was pretty apologetic, the other was less than impressed and was pretty snippy with me.

DD still isn't speaking to me for sending her pals away but I was pissed off with the lack of respect from them. AIBU?

There are several ways this could have been handled differently:-

• OP could have turned a blind eye to the rudeness in front of the friends (especially as they didn't know she'd seen the eye-rolling in the mirror). She then could have disciplined her daughter in private, the next day, and issued a consequence. Maybe no sleepovers for the next 3 months, or those particular rude girls are not invited around again?Something like that. Her daughter would have understood her mum won't stand for such disrespect in her house, but she saves face in front of her friends and doesn't face the risk of relentless teasing afterwards at school.

• OP could have physically put the mop/cloths in their hands and supervised the tidy up operation to ensure it happened. Problem defused and everybody quickly moves on and forgets about the silly game that got a bit out of hand. Everyone learns she is serious and they need to respect her wishes in her house, without her losing it to the point where her outburst is forever remembered and her daughter totally humiliated.

• OP could have come back in after the eye-rolling, and said "I've asked you to stop and tidy up your mess. You either do it now, or the sleepover is over and I'm calling your parents to pick you up". Slightly embarrassing for her daughter, but I'm pretty sure they would have done as they were told if the consequence was outlined to them as no 11 year old wants to a) have a sleepover cancelled at 9pm and b) the embarrassment of their own parents knowing they have been rude to a friend's mum. They would have quickly moved on to something else and mum's moan would have been forgotten about.

OP went straight to the most extreme punishment, without outlining the consequences of ignoring her wishes. That's pretty poor parenting, and definitely not the way to handle unknown children who may be bought up differently and don't know your expectations. In an ideal world, all children would respect the wishes of adults straight away and follow instructions without question. They are children though (giddy children at a sleepover no less). Boundaries need to be explained. You do as I ask, or this will happen. Then you follow through if necessary, after giving a couple of chances to allow them to make the right choice. That's a pretty basic behaviour management technique.

I remember going to play at a friend's house in a Sunday afternoon, when I was a similar age. My friend had a brand new carpet in her bedroom. It was just after Christmas and she had a craft set which involved making something and decorating it with paint. She suggested we do it, and we didn't think to put anything down to protect the carpet. My friend dripped a splodge of blue paint on the new pale pink carpet. We panicked and started rubbing at it with tissues, then wetting tissues etc. Her mum must have heard the commotion and came in. I could tell from her face she was cross, but I always remember her voice remaining calm and talking us through what we needed to do to try and remove the stain, helping us to scrub with various products. The stain was not coming out. She eventually told us to go and watch TV and carried on working on it herself.

My friend was crying, insisting to her mum that it was her fault as it was her idea to paint and she was the one who dropped the paint, not me. I remember her mum saying to my friend 'we'll talk about it later'. She took me home at the arranged time (my mum didn't drive) and didn't say a word to my mum about what had happened. My mum could tell that evening I was worried about something though, and I confessed to her what had happened. My mum then rang my friend's mum to apologise profusely and offer to go halves to have it professionally cleaned but her mum insisted it was an accident, don't worry about it and it had come out (if definitely hadn't, when I next went round my friend showed me the stain under a rug they'd had to place over the top).

My friend told me the next day at school that her mum had gone ballistic when I went and she was grounded. Had my friend not told me, I wouldn't have known how cross she was. Looking back, I think that mum handled the situation so well. She ensured her daughter was told off and punished for such a silly, impulsive choice to paint in her bedroom on the new carpet, without covers, but she didn't kick off at all in front of her friend, saving her from the ultimate embarrassment.

I don't understand the big deal.about water on the kitchen floor (which is usually designed to withstand some spillage)

But even less do I understand how there are "reasons" you kicked up a fuss yet they're "not relevant" to the situation....

Everyone at school will now feel sorry for your daughter..
For goodness sake.. they were doing it in the kitchen (which I assume isn't carpeted) and it was water. Worst case scenario, you wash the floor.

I would have laughed along. It sounds like they were having a lovely, age appropriate time.

You need to unclench before you end up in a psych ward!

Ha, thinking about it now we used to make stupid random phone calls from phone boxes and play knock down Ginger.

My kids when teens would never have behaved like that. You don't seem at all bothered by the behaviour of the teens you teach, unless you’re teaching at an actual school for delinquents.

Christ, poor kid, massive over reaction.

I remember when my DD was similar age … we were in a taxi coming home from a party at about 2am and saw DD and her mates strolling down the high street … they’d climbed out the window of the house they were having a sleepover and decided to go for a wander.

I haven’t RTFT but when I saw your title 'water on the floor' was not remotely in my mind!

It's your house, your rules but this seems like a bit of harmless fun. Agree they should clean up, but sending home is harsh.

Massive overreaction IMO. Yes the eye rolling was disrespectful but it wasn't to your face. You sound a bit mean tbh.

They are preteens and it was water, not ideal.but personally i would not have sent them home for this, i would have just been a bit firmer in the first instance and made sure they were cleaning it up and going back upstairs at the time. Kids will push boundaries a little, imo you massively overreacted here

Yep totally unreasonable. They were just having fun…. I would have probably rolled my eyes atyou too. I would have left the mop out and made sure they cleaned it up.

You know you overreacted. Have you apologized to your daughter? I really hope she doesn't get bullied/teased at school for this.
Also she's 11, you're in for a rough few years if you keep being so uptight.

Oh for goodness sake

Carrying on playing a silly game (which they might well have cleaned up after once they were finished but never got the chance) and rolling your eyes behind someone's back isn't what causes children to go off the rails!

What can cause children to go off the rails, however, is social ostracisation, bullying and then going to extreme to try and fit in.

OP could have handled the whole situation better, explained herself so the girls knew what the issue was, helped clear up, given them a chance before the nuclear option - all of which would have been better and less likely to have a negative impact on her daughter

Rolling your eyes behind someone's back is hardly the height of disrespect and certainly much more minor than doing it to their face.

Total overreaction on your part @VictorBaucherOrSomething

If their behaviour was annoying you that much, I would have said look find something else to do i need to do x in the kitchen.

My sympathies lie with OP. The girls were told to stop and to clean up. They didn't. Unacceptable behaviour straight away.
Then they roll their eyes because they're told off again?! Good you sent them home.

DD should be embarrassed that she behaves so poorly and disrespectfully towards her mother!

Good on you, OP. I would have done exactly the same.

No I would have let them do that. Sending home would have to be something really bad. In years to come it’s a memory for them, no biggie for me.

Wow , aren’t you a bundle of joys?! You do realise there’s a thousand worse things they could have been doing ( online/ in secret etc) but they were actively and innocently being ridiculous. You could have asked them to clean up. Now you’ve embarrassed your DC, made sleepovers less likely both at your house and elsewhere , and encouraged them to think of other far more risky ways they could have fun. I wouldn’t like my kitchen being messed with but, seriously, get a grip.

I mean if it was me I’d have made them clean it up and then said if you want to carry on you can get your coats on and head outside. Maybe a light scolding of “come on that’s gross I have to cook food in here I don’t want you spraying backwash about”. I definitely wouldn’t send them home over it.

You absolutely did the right thing. It’s no wonder kids have no respect for anything if parents turn a blind eye to kids who disrespect other people’s (especially the adult/parent/teacher/home owner etc) requests.

I’m in my 20s - and this water thing is just a try not to laugh challenge, they were probably filming it for socials. It’s dumb but I also think you need to give them some freedom to do dumb things. I had sleepovers doing gross things like the cinnamon challenge or eating spicy noodles or those gross jelly beans.
I don’t really think this manky water incident is that weird or unusual in comparison

For DD’s sake, you should apologize and take them out for ice cream. Tell them you were having a bad day and overreacted. It’s okay to admit you made a mistake.

I think for the eye rolling then yes. You did the right thing.

A total overreaction I think. You could have warned them. Clean up or sleepover is over but you didn’t give them the opportunity. If you can’t tolerate some carry on during a sleepover don’t have them.

Your poor poor daughter. No wonder she was embarrassed.
You will be the centre of unwelcome attention at school. She won't dare invite anyone for a sleepover,even assuming they would want to come. They eye rolled you behind your back. They didn't intend you to see it. It was only water. Don't know how you would react having boys shooting water pistols all over the place.
I actually think it is cute they are still playing games rather than using makeup and trying to be grown up. You sound very uptight. Chill out!