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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have sent DCs friends home for this behaviour?

588 replies

VictorBaucherOrSomething · 10/01/2026 14:07

DD (11) had two friends for a sleepover last night. About 9pm I walked into the kitchen to find them playing some 'game' where one of them was trying to make the other two laugh when their mouths were full of water. The girls were holding soup bowls and spitting the water into them, except they were obviously missing the bowls and there was spat-out water on my kitchen floor. I asked them to stop and to clean up the mess they made.

When i returned to the kitchen they were still playing the game, with the manky water still on the floor so I asked them to stop again. I have a mirror in the kitchen and saw the two other girls rolling their eyes behind my back and trying not to snigger. At that point I told them it was time for them to go home, so I called their parents to collect them. One parent was pretty apologetic, the other was less than impressed and was pretty snippy with me.

DD still isn't speaking to me for sending her pals away but I was pissed off with the lack of respect from them. AIBU?

OP posts:
Blablibladirladada · 11/01/2026 18:49

I am of two minds because obviously at this age I would have stopped being asked to as a guest BUT…
you kinda pushed YOUR DD in front of the bus and she will be talked about this at school now which I don’t envy her because instead of « we had great fun »…it will be « I got sent out ».

About the other parent…I would be miffed too as you jumped at this and ruined her plan for no major reason :/

Breathe or have someone else watch the sleepover if you want your daughter to have friends at school!

PGmicstand · 11/01/2026 18:52

I have mixed feelings. It wasn't necessarily messy as such (as it was only water) BUT they didn't clear up when asked and they were quite disrespectful, albeit behind OP's back.

I remember having a party as a child (I was maybe 9 or 10) and a couple of the kids kept throwing our sofa cushions at each other, despite having been asked not to do so. They then climbed all over the armchairs and sofas. My dad told them to get their stuff and took them home. And when he did so he told the other parents why.
I don't remember being particularly embarrassed, other than by the behaviour of those kids when they were in my house.

Hmm1234 · 11/01/2026 19:00

VictorBaucherOrSomething · 10/01/2026 14:07

DD (11) had two friends for a sleepover last night. About 9pm I walked into the kitchen to find them playing some 'game' where one of them was trying to make the other two laugh when their mouths were full of water. The girls were holding soup bowls and spitting the water into them, except they were obviously missing the bowls and there was spat-out water on my kitchen floor. I asked them to stop and to clean up the mess they made.

When i returned to the kitchen they were still playing the game, with the manky water still on the floor so I asked them to stop again. I have a mirror in the kitchen and saw the two other girls rolling their eyes behind my back and trying not to snigger. At that point I told them it was time for them to go home, so I called their parents to collect them. One parent was pretty apologetic, the other was less than impressed and was pretty snippy with me.

DD still isn't speaking to me for sending her pals away but I was pissed off with the lack of respect from them. AIBU?

Yes gross behaviour but I think they may have got the idea from something viral
online. I saw Zoe Sugg playing this game in a YouTube vlog with grandparents and the 3/4 year old child.

lunar1 · 11/01/2026 19:01

Your daughter is going to suffer for this at school.

Lilactimes · 11/01/2026 19:18

Hi @VictorBaucherOrSomething

this age is so tricky. For me it was a time of transition from more "laying down the law" to explaining in more detail why things are safe or sensible to do and hoping that you're listened to by your tween into teen
I have said this on here before many times, but I'm a firm believer that as a parent you're listened to when you have a good bond or when they think generally you're fair.
This type of activity, where they're having fun, they've been sensible and moved to the kitchen to not damage carpets , is a time to show an interest, laugh with them, say it will need cleaning when they've finished, help them clean up later, ask questions about the game. Bonding a bit with your daughter's friends also helps in the future.
By the time it may get to sneaking a drink, going out, boys, being in on time - when you draw a very firm line on something, they will listen and also turn to you for advice because they trust you and understand you and what you think is really important.
They won't see you as the "grumpy irritated never allows any fun" one! I'm not saying this is you now - but fun sleep overs with laughter are a really good time to get to know friends and gain trust too.

Mamabearandcubs · 11/01/2026 19:19

I’m not surprised your daughter isn’t speaking to you this is really embarrassing for her. You could have just told them again they need to stop or they’d have to go home rather than send them straight home. I doubt they’ll want to ever come round again.

PixellatedPixie · 11/01/2026 19:20

Kids get really excited at sleepovers and rolling their eyes when they thought you couldn’t see them isn’t really a terrible offence.

Would you send an adult friend home if they were at a party at your house and you accidentally saw them roll their eyes when you told everyone to quieten down?

Sennelier1 · 11/01/2026 19:22

So you sent 11 year-olds home from a sleepover because they spit water on your kitchenfloor and rolled their eyes? Seriously?

Bubblesgun · 11/01/2026 19:22

VictorBaucherOrSomething · 10/01/2026 14:07

DD (11) had two friends for a sleepover last night. About 9pm I walked into the kitchen to find them playing some 'game' where one of them was trying to make the other two laugh when their mouths were full of water. The girls were holding soup bowls and spitting the water into them, except they were obviously missing the bowls and there was spat-out water on my kitchen floor. I asked them to stop and to clean up the mess they made.

When i returned to the kitchen they were still playing the game, with the manky water still on the floor so I asked them to stop again. I have a mirror in the kitchen and saw the two other girls rolling their eyes behind my back and trying not to snigger. At that point I told them it was time for them to go home, so I called their parents to collect them. One parent was pretty apologetic, the other was less than impressed and was pretty snippy with me.

DD still isn't speaking to me for sending her pals away but I was pissed off with the lack of respect from them. AIBU?

OMG. Seriously???? Tidying up is for after the game, or when the pals leave the next day. Thats the deal with my kids. That game is hilarious we ve played it a lot

Tikitaka20 · 11/01/2026 19:24

SereneGoose · 10/01/2026 14:14

I'm thinking of the other mums....just settling down for Netflix wine and chill AND wham...thanks OP...

What a needlessly smug reply.

Bubblesgun · 11/01/2026 19:25

@VictorBaucherOrSomething i wouldnt be surprised if the gossip spread at how unwrlcoming a mother you are. When your kids are teens you want to be the party house, better at your house than away. It doesnt mean you dont have rules and consequences, but this was innocent. Wait till they start drinking

boodlesandpoodles · 11/01/2026 19:30

Oh dear. My 11year old daughter had a friend over Friday night - they made a huge mess making hot chcolate then an even bigger mess dressing up in hilarious outfits from whatever they could find. They laughed and laughed until they cried I wish I could have joined in! They made a paltry effort to tidy up, so it was largely left to me, but 11yr olds happy having fun! I’ll take that over pre-teen angst which you have likely caused.

Dawnintheageofaquariams · 11/01/2026 19:32

I would be more concerned at your child and friends copying Scott Mills.
If you don't nip this in the bud, pretty soon they will be self obsessed and interviewing each other whilst only talking about themselves.
And pretending that they are still 11 when they are 45...

Devontownie · 11/01/2026 19:36

Highlight the behaviour and have a conversation about respect for other people's homes, but send them home?

They are 9, they are learning. Your own daughter whose lead they were taking because it was her home, was fully involved?

Fixable though, with apologies to the girls and another invitation. We all react. :)

T1Dmama · 11/01/2026 19:45

Oh God! I have a teenage daughter, I’d have asked them to be careful and told them any mess they make will be their job to clear away! And that’s the rule I’d have enforced..
I wouldn’t have sent them home or told them stop because I’d have worried it was social suicide for my daughter. They will now be saying what a killjoy @VictorBaucherOrSomething is and your poor DD will probably get laughed at in school tomorrow for having an uptight mum…
Id have been humiliated if my mum did this to me,

MartySupremeisascream · 11/01/2026 19:46

Your reaction was OTT.
Sleepovers are supposed to be fun and the game was innocent.
I'd have left them to get bored and then asked them to mop the floor.

TheBeaTgoeson1 · 11/01/2026 19:48

Well done OP, boundaries are a good thing.

Uhghg · 11/01/2026 19:50

You’re very mean.

You need to unclench.

They were over excited and being silly.

They got a little bit of water the floor - the horror!

You massively overreacted.

T1Dmama · 11/01/2026 19:50

And just to add.. this is a huge trend on social media. People holding water in mouth and trying not to laugh… when they do water gets spat over each other.. it is horrible but it’s a trend celebrities and all-sorts of people are doing, kids are bound to copy!

Catladywithoutacat · 11/01/2026 19:57

Disgusting but maybe wouldn’t have sent them home

Pumpkinatmidnight · 11/01/2026 20:02

VictorBaucherOrSomething · 10/01/2026 14:07

DD (11) had two friends for a sleepover last night. About 9pm I walked into the kitchen to find them playing some 'game' where one of them was trying to make the other two laugh when their mouths were full of water. The girls were holding soup bowls and spitting the water into them, except they were obviously missing the bowls and there was spat-out water on my kitchen floor. I asked them to stop and to clean up the mess they made.

When i returned to the kitchen they were still playing the game, with the manky water still on the floor so I asked them to stop again. I have a mirror in the kitchen and saw the two other girls rolling their eyes behind my back and trying not to snigger. At that point I told them it was time for them to go home, so I called their parents to collect them. One parent was pretty apologetic, the other was less than impressed and was pretty snippy with me.

DD still isn't speaking to me for sending her pals away but I was pissed off with the lack of respect from them. AIBU?

Gosh kids can't get it right these days can they? If they play and make a mess then they are in trouble. If they vegetative in front of a screen their brains rot.

it's just water. Shame to have been harshly punished for innocent play.

Pumpkinatmidnight · 11/01/2026 20:06

Sounds like you were triggered into reacting. Often when a parent reacts to their perception of disrespect then it's more to do with them than the child\ children.

Booboobagins · 11/01/2026 20:29

I disagree with the pol.

They were rude. I think you were right to send them home.

The girls didn't have the right boundaries, well done for parenting them. I hope your DD appreciates what happened. If she doesn't explain it to her. YANBU.

katepilar · 11/01/2026 20:40

Peonies12 · 10/01/2026 14:10

Overreaction- it was water not wasting food. Your DD will be embarrassed for sure; friendships are so important at that age

Thats part of the problem, children are way to fixated on their peirs because the attachment to their parents/adults is not strong enough. (Google G. Neufeld for more detailed explanation.)

There isnt anything to be embarrassed about being sent home after what they did - I mean the eyerolling and attitude. Sad that people find that acceptable.

Crwysmam · 11/01/2026 20:43

I’d have joined in. Then made sure that they all help clearing up. Some of my best memories as a child were playing silly games with my parents. We all turned out fine and with well defined boundaries. You can be a strict parent that knows how to play.