To have sent DCs friends home for this behaviour?

[VictorBaucherOrSomething]

DD (11) had two friends for a sleepover last night. About 9pm I walked into the kitchen to find them playing some 'game' where one of them was trying to make the other two laugh when their mouths were full of water. The girls were holding soup bowls and spitting the water into them, except they were obviously missing the bowls and there was spat-out water on my kitchen floor. I asked them to stop and to clean up the mess they made.

When i returned to the kitchen they were still playing the game, with the manky water still on the floor so I asked them to stop again. I have a mirror in the kitchen and saw the two other girls rolling their eyes behind my back and trying not to snigger. At that point I told them it was time for them to go home, so I called their parents to collect them. One parent was pretty apologetic, the other was less than impressed and was pretty snippy with me.

DD still isn't speaking to me for sending her pals away but I was pissed off with the lack of respect from them. AIBU?

They rolled their eyes behind the OP's back, they didn't expect to be seen and didn't do it to be seen

I had a flour fight at a sleepover as a teen 🙈

It's still just as disrespectful.

Good she caught them then!!

Massive overreaction. It’s some water and they’re just having some fun. By all means make them clear up the water but sending them home?!?
Really selfish of you given the potential knock on effect this might have on your DD too.

You can't imagine what an 11 year old might be doing that's worse than playing a silly game?

• Finding the alcohol stash
• Viewing inappropriate things online
• Murdering small animals
• Painting all over the house
• Setting small fires

It wasn't intended to be seen
I'm rolling my eyes reading the OP 🤷

It's like listening into a conversation you weren't involved in

wow that’s an overreaction, it was just water! My brothers did this on a regular basis growing up 🙄

They should have stopped when you said and cleared up but I would have just stepped in and taken the bowls away and handed them cloths, then sent them away to do something else.

I feel so sorry for your child

If youre going to act batshit, eye rolls are the consequence 🤷🏼‍♀️

Well I meant in the context of having your kids school friends over for a sleepover, not in the context of extreme brutality or seriously delinquent behaviour that might need police involvement.

'It's just water' - they were spitting it out! Revolting & unhygienic

Her own daughter didn’t! Maybe they were prepared to do just that and her daughter said no let’s carry on?

Making slime would be the obvious one to me. That is messy af. Or playing with pre made slime on a carpet. But back in the 80s I’d say phoning randoms and saying stupid things to them would be a common sleepover activity for kids that age.

That’s almost certainly what happened @SALaw

That’s how it usually works with kids.They would have followed her lead since they see as her the host.

This is why the mother should have taken her aside and had a word with her and said she needs to make sure her friends stop this game and start cleaning it up or the sleepover ends tonight.

Well on the plus side you've shown some 11 year olds who's boss and that you won't be 'disrespected' in your house, so well done for that. On the other hand you've got a name for yourself as an uptight battleaxe who neither the kids nor parents involved will want much if anything to do with, which is bound to impact your daughter's friendships at a critical time. Which is more important? Only you can decide.

I teach teens (and have a teen and pre-teen). This is very typical behaviour - they were having fun. Eye rolling and teens are synonymous - you just have to let it go. 30 years ago I’m sure I eye rolled for Britain! Like PP said, I would have made them clear up at the end. Kindly, but you will have many more challenges in store with a teenager. Deep breaths required! (Their game also sounded harmless. Teens I teach are hanging round the rec each night getting drunk and smashing shit up).

If I eyerolled about something, my mother increased the punishment. I am grateful because I never ever eyeroll no matter what the provocation. In fact, my muscles have forgotten how to even do it. Nobody looks mature or adult rolling their eyes. It is just like the decision never to give the fingers to bad drivers. Nobody looks good doing that either.

With respect, do you not think the teens to whom you refer have progressed to getting drunk and smashing things up because their parents didn’t set boundaries and enforce them when they were younger, and had no expectation of reasonable behaviour ?

OP is being sent the message that because DD was having a sleepover, she should have had no expectation that she or her friends would do as they were told, and that she deserved to be disrespected as a result of asking them to stop what they were doing and clean up after themselves. They were in OP’s kitchen at 9pm spitting water all over the floor. Absolutely fine for them to have fun. It’s not the game that’s the problem. It’s their rude and entitled attitude in carrying on after they had been asked to stop that’s the issue here.

There doesn’t seem to be any middle ground here, ‘teens will be teens’ and sleepovers aren’t some magical get out of jail free card for bad behaviour. Maybe on reflection OP has realised that she was a bit OTT, but in that moment l can absolutely see why she did what she did.

It’s just water, I can understand the snippy parent’s reaction tbh. When I was about 14 I had a friend over and we decided to bake but we started throwing flour at each other. My Mum came home and went absolutely ballistic. This was a relatively new friend and I was mortified. I admit I probably would go ape if I got home from work and found this too but at the time it was super embarrassing.

I thought you were going to say they chucked eggs
on the floor

They sound childish but that’s because they’re children

It's not the game itself that is the problem here, although it is pretty darned silly, but this:
When i returned to the kitchen they were still playing the game, with the manky water still on the floor so I asked them to stop again. I have a mirror in the kitchen and saw the two other girls rolling their eyes behind my back and trying not to snigger.

This is disrespectful and bad-mannered and and simply not acceptable. I think I would have said very clearly that I wanted the mess cleared up right now and stood by to make sure it happened. I would have stated that both girls would have to go home if it did not happen right away.

If they did not set to to clear up their mess I would have acted on the threat.

I can’t remember many sleepovers as a kid/teen where the parents didn’t get a bit annoyed at the behaviour of a group of over excited girls but I can’t imagine any of them ever kicking us out! I think this is really sad for your DD actually.

Is she 11 at the end of primary school or at the start of secondary? Hope for her sakes it’s end of primary and she has a chance to shake it off and start again at secondary.

You’ve accepted it was OTT but how do you even go about fixing it? Your daughter must be so embarrassed and you’ve potentially put her friends off ever coming round again at such an important time for making friendships and memories. That punishment doesn’t fit the “crime” of playing a popular trend (does nobody remember Innuendo Bingo on Radio 1? This game has been around years!) and having a bit of attitude to an overreaction to a harmless game.

There's plenty of middle ground. Yes there do seem to be some in the 'kids will be kids, they were doing nothing wrong' camp, and there are some in the 'I'm with you OP, rudeness should not be tolerated and I would have kicked them out too' camp. However, a lot of us are very much of the thinking that the behaviour was rude, but OP should have had a bit of thought for the effect her actions would have on her daughter and handled the situation differently. There's your middle ground.