Not feeding a child who is at your house for a play date …

[ElatedAzurePlayer]

A friend shared something with me that genuinely surprised me, and I’m curious how others see it.

Her daughter went on a play date after school (aged 11) and when she was picked up later she asked if they could get drive-thru on the way home. It turned out the family had ordered a Deliveroo takeaway for their own dinner but hadn’t included anything for her.

I can’t quite wrap my head around it. If I have a child in my home around mealtime, I’d always offer them food or assume they’d be eating with us especially if I’d invited them!

Is this just my way of doing things, or do other families handle this differently? I am not a judgmental person - but AIBU to judge this family for such shitty behaviour towards my friends daughter?!

So they invited the child & did they set a time for pick up or was it vague ? I don’t see how that’s reasonable unless your friend was really late picking her up

She went straight from school and was picked up at 7pm by her mum as agreed. If it were me, I’d assume dinner would be provided.

That's really weird that they didn't offer her food too, or to have said before hand that was the plan if they didn't want the child staying or if they wanted the parents to contribute to the cost.

Yes it was prearranged and she had been invited.

Assuming they were invited I would always feed a person of any age at my house at a mealtime. I guess maybe not the kids from nearby who just knock on each others doors and casually roam between each other’s houses, but in that circumstance I’d just tell them we’re eating, time to go home. I wouldn’t just eat a takeaway in front of a hungry kid who had nothing!

Very weird.

Same. Ds was in the same position many (many!) years ago. The dad hadn’t realised that was what you do and the mum phoned me later absolutely mortified ds hadn’t had anything except a glass of juice and a packet or crisps! I don’t think he ever did that again

Exactly this. But it was an actual ‘play date’ I’ve seen the messages between my friend and the other girls mum - I just don’t understand at all why you’d eat a takeaway in front of a child you’d invited over to play with yours ?

Ok, I’ve definitely seen this thread before 🤣

Agree that's weird. I would never feed a child without asking the parents first though. You never know if they have planned a late dinner/are against certain types of food due to whatever reason. But in this case I would have asked in advance if it's OK that X eats with us and if any dietary requirements. I can't see myself feeding my child and letting friend go without. It's just horrible.

Oh no 😩

My child has a habit of refusing food and drink to be ‘polite’. It’s maddening but she’d rather starve! Since this is third hand, I assume there’s been some sort of communication issue.

Were they Swedish? In some cultures it's pretty normal

At age 11 and a 7pm pick up I wouldn’t have assumed tea would be provided in the same way it would for a younger child because many families eat later once the kids are older. I probably would have asked what the dinner plan was though! But are you saying that they all ate a takeway whilst your DD just sat there and they didn’t offer her anything?? That’s the height of rudeness! Unless you mean they were ordering one for later once your DD had left. I think that would be ok so long as they had plenty of snacks so weren’t hungry after school.

?? If an experience I’ve had is similar to someone else’s how is that funny? I don’t understand what you’re trying to imply?

Did the dad feed his own kid but not your son? Or did he just not feed either of them?

I’ve 3 DDs who’ve had plenty of play dates over the years and I’ve never ever heard of that. We’ve always fed their friends. You ask in advance re likes/dislikes / allergies etc. I guess 7pm (the time she was collected) could be dinner time but given the family ordered food in it’s not like they’re late eaters. Even then, I’d give the 11yr olds some sort of ‘tea’. Maybe the guest was offered something from deliveroo but didn’t fancy anything. I do think it’s odd though!

This was my first thought!

Some kids don't like takeaway foods. She maybe did get asked but turned it down.

DS has friends that don't eat whilst here, only want a drink of squash or biscuits.

I wouldn’t be too bothered if they didn’t feed the kids altogether (in that timeframe anyway)
but feeding everybody else and not the visiting kid is horrible

That being said, without being there, I would suspect the kid either turned the food down and didn’t want to admit to their mum that they didn’t get fed because they were fussy (or just relayed it to their mum wrong) or that they’ve lied to their mum to get a takeaway.

It would never occur to me not to feed someone present in my home during a meal. Bizarre and extremely rude not to offer food when others are eating .

I thought that as well - my DD’s friend is very much out of this mould and I’m always terrified that she will go home and tell her mum that we didn’t give her a drink or whatever. Are you absolutely sure that she wasn’t offered something?

I would not assume dinner for a 7pm pickup but I’d always check - either way. But I’d never ever eat in front of a child without offering. Are you sure this is what happened? My son has a friend who never eats - barely eats at home and won’t eat anything (except Oreo’s) at mine. So he eats 10 Oreo’s while my son has some pizza. But his mum knows this and I always have extra pizza just in case.

So they ate a takeaway in front of her? wtf.
Either they’re really weird or they asked what she wanted and she was too shy to say so said she’s ok

Yes it's odd, If it was me I would've checked with the mother if it's ok if I give the child something to eat, check for allergies and if they're a veggie etc, but no way could I sit there and stuff my face while a child looked on that's just mean, if they didn't want to offer the child anything then they should have waited to order the food, poor kid!