Not feeding a child who is at your house for a play date …

[ElatedAzurePlayer]

A friend shared something with me that genuinely surprised me, and I’m curious how others see it.

Her daughter went on a play date after school (aged 11) and when she was picked up later she asked if they could get drive-thru on the way home. It turned out the family had ordered a Deliveroo takeaway for their own dinner but hadn’t included anything for her.

I can’t quite wrap my head around it. If I have a child in my home around mealtime, I’d always offer them food or assume they’d be eating with us especially if I’d invited them!

Is this just my way of doing things, or do other families handle this differently? I am not a judgmental person - but AIBU to judge this family for such shitty behaviour towards my friends daughter?!

I think it was awful behaviour. For a 7pm pickup it isn't really clear what is expected, so I'd clarify in advance with the parent - "We'll have them for tea," or "Shall we have them for tea?" or whatever. If the child wasn't going to eat with us we would wait till they had gone home for our tea, and certainly wouldn't eat in front of them without including them.

Wtf not normal in either country

Strange she wasn't included in food order, maybe the friend could have shared their meal

They ate in front of her? That's awful.

With my DS and his friends they either all had or none had (for treats so everyone had the same). His friends always ate with us and often I'd get them each a takeaway. DS was always fed at his friends' houses.

One of my friend's husbands once only bought sweets for his child and not my DS. So the little sweetheart shared hers. That man was a mean minded, spiteful individual.

I think, unless it is for financial reasons (and that they only have food for their family and not one person more), it could be a way of "not interfering with other families' routines". I dont agree with this, but just giving another perspective. School/work generally starts, and therefore ends in the Nordicls, earlier than what I have experienced during my 20+ years in the UK. Therefore, I was brought up with everyone in the family having dinner together every evening. This has not been my experience here. It could be a way of acknowledging dinner as a family meal time - both for their own family and for the visiting child's family. It doesn't have to come from malice.

Saying that, I'd never treat a visitor, child or adult, that way. On the contrary. I often overfeed my guests!

It's incredibly rude. Ok say for whatever reason it was understandable to not feed the child (it isn't btw) at least don't go get a delicious meal and eat it Infront of them. I couldn't imagine doing this Infront of an adult, why would they think it's ok Infront of a child?

Growing up, my mum wouldn't even let me plate my own food unless our guests had been offered first.

That’s really fucking weird and I would not send my child to that house again.

For a 7pm pick-up I'd probably ask if they'd be staying for dinner/tea. We rarely eat dinner before 19:30 so a 7pm pick-up would be "before we have dinner". I'd make it clear to the parent that we don't usually eat until 19:30.

Having said that, I'd be offering some sort of tea or post-school snack at 4/5pm anyway, or possibly organise an early dinner for DC and friend involving pizza or similar rather than giving them stew! Especially if the guest eats around 17:30 or similar.

It's extremely rude to not have provided food to a guest. Ordering take-out whilst a guest is still there also strikes me as rude — at least wait until they're gone!

Imagine eating in front of a hungry child! And ALL kids are hungry after school.... well mine are always starving.