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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not become Mrs Celebrity Name?

299 replies

SummerFate · 08/01/2026 17:27

I’m getting married later this year and had always assumed I’d take my husband’s name. I’ve never been particularly attached to my maiden name (divorced parents) and I’d like to have the same surname as my kids, which my mother doesn’t have.

However, if I do do this, I’ll have the same name as a celebrity. It’s not an A lister where it would be remarked on all the time, and it will still be a fairly ordinary name. (Think someone like Kaye Adams for the level of fame and ordinariness of name.) But it’s someone well known enough that I’ll definitely get “Ooh, I didn’t recognise you! You look taller on the telly” type jokes that I can do without. So I figure it’s just easier to keep my maiden name.

However, my fiancé has taken exception to this. He’s taking it personally and says I’m being daft: he said he’d understand me not wanting to be called Helen Mirren or Nicole Kidman, but that I’ll still have an ordinary name and that this celeb may be forgotten in a few years anyway.

I do get what he means, but he’s not the one who’ll be asked “Ooh, like the actress?” every time he gives his full name. I’ve also pointed out that a lot of women don’t change their name regardless, so he could have been marrying someone who never had any intention of being Mrs Name.

I’ve said we could double-barrel any children if that’s what he’s worried about, but he’s still complaining. AIBU?

OP posts:
DoIdriveaVauxhallZafira · 08/01/2026 17:31

I voted yabu as I think your reasoning is an overreaction but ultimately you're not obliged to take his name & the reasons can be whatever, that's your perogative.

Why doesn't he take your name?

Lovelynames123 · 08/01/2026 17:31

Ask him to change his to yours if it's not a big deal...he won't!

FoxIn25 · 08/01/2026 17:32

What's his reason for not changing his surname to yours?

FractiousPangolin · 08/01/2026 17:32

He can change his name.

No?

Oh.

Lisavanderpumpsdog · 08/01/2026 17:33

DoIdriveaVauxhallZafira · 08/01/2026 17:31

I voted yabu as I think your reasoning is an overreaction but ultimately you're not obliged to take his name & the reasons can be whatever, that's your perogative.

Why doesn't he take your name?

This summed up my thoughts perfectly.

TomatoSandwiches · 08/01/2026 17:34

I reeeeaaaaaaalllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyy dislike it when men kick up a stink about this. If they feel like everyone should have the same name, why can't it be yours?

Ineffable23 · 08/01/2026 17:34

He can take yours if he wants you to have the same name, surely?

mumofoneAloneandwell · 08/01/2026 17:35

😂 girl omg yabvu

I don’t think anyone will care. Marry your man and take his name, unless you object for other reasons

margegunderson · 08/01/2026 17:35

He should do one. You aren’t his possession

SummerFate · 08/01/2026 17:37

FoxIn25 · 08/01/2026 17:32

What's his reason for not changing his surname to yours?

I shall ask this!

OP posts:
chunkyBoo · 08/01/2026 17:37

It wouldn’t bother me unless the person is well known for being trashy / nasty
my first name is the same as a singer and it gets mentioned sometimes but rarely these days now I’m older and not at school

user2848502016 · 08/01/2026 17:37

I voted YABU because of the name, it sounds like you’re overthinking it.
My aunt’s married name was the name of a fairly famous actress and if anyone said anything she’d say something like “yes but I was here first” (because she was older).

Your fiancé is being unreasonable getting upset about it though, you can call yourself whatever you want and it’s not up to him.

How would he react if you suggested him taking your name?

outerspacepotato · 08/01/2026 17:37

I think having the same name as some C lister or whatever isn't the big deal you think it is, but this is your choice.

Is your fiance controlling in other ways?

KissMyArt · 08/01/2026 17:37

Suggest he takes your name.

As an aside, someone I know recently took her husband's surname which is 'Pigg' 😬

Yet it never crossed her mind to ask him to take hers.

Fingalscave · 08/01/2026 17:37

You could use both your surnames, hyphenated.
I was talking to a lady in the opticians and her name was Mary Berry. She said she got fed up of the comments, so she would probably understand how you feel!

RedFrogs · 08/01/2026 17:38

I don’t think it’s that major to have the same name as a celebrity, but I would get annoyed if someone tried to insist I change my surname to theirs. It’s your choice if you don’t like it then don’t.

tartyflette · 08/01/2026 17:39

Don't take his name. But if you are tempted, think about the next outdated societal bollocks he might be unreasonable about.

Primaris · 08/01/2026 17:39

However, my fiancé has taken exception to this. He’s taking it personally and says I’m being daft:

I think he’s being daft to take exception, and take it personally. Why does he want you to take his name?

I understand your reasoning for having a family name, and your misgivings about the everlasting joke. But I don’t understand his pov. Do you?

In any case, dc having their df’s name is only by convention. From birth they are Baby Mum’sName until you sign a birth register calling them otherwise. Just give them your surname and let him either take the family name or not, as he chooses.

TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 08/01/2026 17:40

It's absolutely your choice to not take his name for ANY reason. I didn't take my husband's name and he was absolutely fine with it, we're not in the 1950's anymore.

ObladeeObladi · 08/01/2026 17:41

If he wants you all to have the same name he can take yours. Any children you have can be registered with your name, it’s not a big deal.

I used to work with a woman named Shakira and she literally changed jobs from customer facing to back office because every single person commented, and most of them sang “Shakira shakira” at her or asked if her hips don’t lie etc, it got really annoying.

UninitendedShark · 08/01/2026 17:42

I gave as much thought to changing my surname to his as he did to changing his surname to mine. Zero. Babies get your surname but you can compromise by hyphenating them if he really insists.

Swissmeringue · 08/01/2026 17:42

Meh, you're under no obligation to change your name if you don't want to. I didn't and 12 years later have no regrets.

But I don't really get the reasoning, if you do actually want to change your name is just go ahead and do it. I know an Emma that married a guy with the surname Watson and she changed her name. She says it's been nowhere near as annoying as she thought it would be being called Emma Watson.

firstofallimadelight · 08/01/2026 17:43

Agree with above the simple solution is he takes your name. Can’t imagine he has a better reason than you for not doing so.
I was in a similar situation to you no strong attachment to my surname so I took dhs. As I’ve got older i regret it, not the loss of my maiden name I just feel very strongly that women should not feel socially pressured to change their surname .
if you do feel you want to keep your surname then your potential children should have your surname given you would be the one birthing them. Or you could double barrel.

Lastly I would question why your husband to be is so dismissive of your (valid) feelings? Is this a rare occurrence or something he does often?

BillieWiper · 08/01/2026 17:45

If it's someone on the level of Kaye Adams fame wise I'd imagine it would be rare for many people to comment or make a joke about thinking you were them. I mean I've just about heard of her but I'm pretty sure most people haven't. And I barely could say what she looks like.

The person isn't that famous, nor are they especially memorable looking or polarizing as a character, so I think it would be minimal. It's not like Keira Knightly or Ivana Trump.

I presume you don't look like them at all either? So yeah I wouldn't worry too much tbh.

But ultimately it is your choice. Your H shouldn't be getting 'offended' by it. It would be fine with him if you kept your own name, right? If not he's very old fashioned and quite sexist.

SerafinasGoose · 08/01/2026 17:46

You have absolute autonomy of choice, here, OP and this happens to be an issue I feel very passionately about. The only person who decides what name I'm going to be called is me. I'd never, under any pretext, have discarded my own family name on marriage. This is important enough to me to have been a dealbreaker.

If you want to keep your name, keep it. You owe nobody any explanations on this score and he is being entirely unreasonable. If it's so important to him that you both have the same name, let him change his. But I'm betting he won't. It's just assumed that women will be the one to discard their identities because they are simply not as important as men's.

Grinds my gears no end. You stick to your guns.

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