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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not become Mrs Celebrity Name?

299 replies

SummerFate · 08/01/2026 17:27

I’m getting married later this year and had always assumed I’d take my husband’s name. I’ve never been particularly attached to my maiden name (divorced parents) and I’d like to have the same surname as my kids, which my mother doesn’t have.

However, if I do do this, I’ll have the same name as a celebrity. It’s not an A lister where it would be remarked on all the time, and it will still be a fairly ordinary name. (Think someone like Kaye Adams for the level of fame and ordinariness of name.) But it’s someone well known enough that I’ll definitely get “Ooh, I didn’t recognise you! You look taller on the telly” type jokes that I can do without. So I figure it’s just easier to keep my maiden name.

However, my fiancé has taken exception to this. He’s taking it personally and says I’m being daft: he said he’d understand me not wanting to be called Helen Mirren or Nicole Kidman, but that I’ll still have an ordinary name and that this celeb may be forgotten in a few years anyway.

I do get what he means, but he’s not the one who’ll be asked “Ooh, like the actress?” every time he gives his full name. I’ve also pointed out that a lot of women don’t change their name regardless, so he could have been marrying someone who never had any intention of being Mrs Name.

I’ve said we could double-barrel any children if that’s what he’s worried about, but he’s still complaining. AIBU?

OP posts:
Devuelta81 · 08/01/2026 18:51

BillieWiper · 08/01/2026 17:45

If it's someone on the level of Kaye Adams fame wise I'd imagine it would be rare for many people to comment or make a joke about thinking you were them. I mean I've just about heard of her but I'm pretty sure most people haven't. And I barely could say what she looks like.

The person isn't that famous, nor are they especially memorable looking or polarizing as a character, so I think it would be minimal. It's not like Keira Knightly or Ivana Trump.

I presume you don't look like them at all either? So yeah I wouldn't worry too much tbh.

But ultimately it is your choice. Your H shouldn't be getting 'offended' by it. It would be fine with him if you kept your own name, right? If not he's very old fashioned and quite sexist.

Edited

Yeah I have never heard of her so I imagine lots of people won't have heard of this person either. However you absolutely don't have to take his name if you don't want to! I found when I was getting married that I suddenly struggled with it in a way I hadn't expected, it was like a loss of identity.

I also know a few men who have taken their wives' names actually.

ShesTheAlbatross · 08/01/2026 18:56

If you’re talking about someone like Kaye Adams’ level of fame then (no offence to her) I really doubt anyone would think the same name was worth commenting on, so it wouldn’t bother me.

However, your parter is extremely unreasonable fo getting pissy about this.

Samanabanana · 08/01/2026 18:59

My DH has the same name as a VERY famous person. Honestly barely anyone comments on it!

NemesisInferior · 08/01/2026 19:00

You are, of course, not being unreasonable to not automatically take your husbands name.

But... your reason to not do so is a shit one and if that is how you presented it to your DH rather than for an reason which makes any sort of sense, I can kinda understand his reaction.

FuckRealityBringMeABook · 08/01/2026 19:01

I would not marry a man who gave a shit about me not taking his name.

ShesTheAlbatross · 08/01/2026 19:02

Actually, reading this thread I was just thinking “do I know anyone with the same name as a celebrity” and then I realised my daughter does! I knew it when we named her but it’s a very standard name (like Emma Thompson in terms of normality of both names, but not quite as famous). No one has ever said anything about it.

MagneticSquirrel · 08/01/2026 19:03

I think you don’t want to change your surname because you want to keep it then fair enough YANBU. Butto not change it because it’s a D list celeb (never heard of Kaye Adams - although recognised her photo) is unreasonable

Bloozie · 08/01/2026 19:08

I wouldn't change my name to anything, so I certainly wouldn't change it to a name I don't like or want. You don't need to give a reason, and it doesn't matter whether a load of randoms online agree with you or not.

However, you want to change your name, just not to HIS name. Could he change his to yours? Or could you create an entirely new family name - I know two couples that have done that, both changing their name to one that is neither of their 'family' names. One of them created a really amazing surname that is both distinctive and original without being stupid, wacky or try-hard, it suits both of them, and I would LOVE.

If he isn't up for changing his name but still expects you to, I'd have strong thoughts and feelings about this.

Volpini · 08/01/2026 19:11

We named our daughter in the full awareness she would have the same name as a well known actress. (It was more that her first name was the only one we could agree on and we realised that this would mean she would have the same name.)
At the time, the actress was less well known but then took on the lead role of a popular tv show and became more known.
TBH it‘s only occasionally remarked on. It’s not like she shares a name with Taylor Swift. And I find it more jarring when the actor pops up on TV with m daughter’s name. (As it happens I also share a married name with an actress but shes significantly less well known than my daughter‘s namesake.)
Its less problematic than you’d think. I have worked with a Paul Young and a James Brown. It’s commented on far less than you’d think.
My daughter is a musician and could well need a stage name to avoid confusion but she’s blase about that. (Although the actor is not known as a musician.)

PS I’m also in the call yourself what you like camp and don’t adopt his name unless you really want to. I went the European route and kept my family name and added his on themed (not hyphenated.)

AncientMarina · 08/01/2026 19:12

I had to google Kaye Adams.

usedtobeaylis · 08/01/2026 19:16

YANBU. The choice is entirely yours, for any reason or none. You don't want to change it, you don't change it.

Skyflyinghigh · 08/01/2026 19:17

I didn’t want to change my name and my DH had a total gob about it. I could see his point as it wasn’t my maiden name but my previous married name. But I liked my name and it was the same as my children. We compromise as I use my own name mainly with bank and work etc but don’t get tied in knots if I’m referred to as Mrs his name. He still gets huffy if he hears me referring to myself as my name but I politely ignore him

BonneMamanAbricot · 08/01/2026 19:17

Springflowersyay · 08/01/2026 18:23

I didn’t change my name.

My DH was initially vaguely surprised/curious, but when he considered if he wanted to change his name, and didn’t, he accepted my decision without comment.

My family insist on sending all correspondence to Mr and Mrs His Name, despite me reminding them constantly that’s not actually my name……..

Same here. They also said it was generous of him. Lol

Gahr · 08/01/2026 19:21

YANBU to leave your name alone, so that's how I voted. No woman should feel pressure to change her name. However, YABU for the reason, I'm with your fiance on that one. Having the same name as someone of the level of fame of Kaye Adams is not anything to make a big deal of (no offense to Kaye, who's actually a casual acquaintance of mine! Lovely woman) So if you do want to change your name, do it.

MostlyHappyMummy · 08/01/2026 19:22

Have you considered keeping your name and giving children your surname?

Brefugee · 08/01/2026 19:23

if my fiancé made any kind of fuss about my name post marriage - i would definitely not be changing it to his name.

Full. Stop.

SpringIsComingSoonFolks · 08/01/2026 19:25

Windsor?

SpringIsComingSoonFolks · 08/01/2026 19:25

AncientMarina · 08/01/2026 19:12

I had to google Kaye Adams.

Yep no idea

SeaUrchinHat · 08/01/2026 19:31

My uncle is a famous actor and we share a distinctive surname. I’m often asked if I’m related to him and reply either yes or no, depending on what mood I’m in. It’s not really a big deal - just something people do to make small talk, to connect. It’s unlikely to happen too often if it’s a minor celeb OP (I hadn’t heard of your example). Or, as others have said, keep your name (because it’s yours and woman are no longer the ‘property’ of men lol).

IstillloveKingThistle · 08/01/2026 19:34

Not being rude but please do get over yourself.
At worst : people may make jokes re the same surname as the famous person. It wears thin. I know - I have a famous persons surname too. I married my husband I took his name. End of story .
Seriously - it’s no biggie .

BoredZelda · 08/01/2026 19:35

Brefugee · 08/01/2026 19:23

if my fiancé made any kind of fuss about my name post marriage - i would definitely not be changing it to his name.

Full. Stop.

Agreed. I wouldn’t be marrying them. Nobody dictates what I choose my name to be.

IridiumSky · 08/01/2026 19:35

Who the hell is Kaye Adams? Never heard of her.

I wouldn’t worry about it.

nicepotoftea · 08/01/2026 19:36

What if somebody with your name becomes famous?

IridiumSky · 08/01/2026 19:37

SpringIsComingSoonFolks · 08/01/2026 19:25

Windsor?

Maybe it’s Hitler? 😀

Naa. That would be silly. It’s Putin isn’t it?

Cheese55 · 08/01/2026 19:38

Why can't your children have your name? You are the one giving birth after all.