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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not become Mrs Celebrity Name?

299 replies

SummerFate · 08/01/2026 17:27

I’m getting married later this year and had always assumed I’d take my husband’s name. I’ve never been particularly attached to my maiden name (divorced parents) and I’d like to have the same surname as my kids, which my mother doesn’t have.

However, if I do do this, I’ll have the same name as a celebrity. It’s not an A lister where it would be remarked on all the time, and it will still be a fairly ordinary name. (Think someone like Kaye Adams for the level of fame and ordinariness of name.) But it’s someone well known enough that I’ll definitely get “Ooh, I didn’t recognise you! You look taller on the telly” type jokes that I can do without. So I figure it’s just easier to keep my maiden name.

However, my fiancé has taken exception to this. He’s taking it personally and says I’m being daft: he said he’d understand me not wanting to be called Helen Mirren or Nicole Kidman, but that I’ll still have an ordinary name and that this celeb may be forgotten in a few years anyway.

I do get what he means, but he’s not the one who’ll be asked “Ooh, like the actress?” every time he gives his full name. I’ve also pointed out that a lot of women don’t change their name regardless, so he could have been marrying someone who never had any intention of being Mrs Name.

I’ve said we could double-barrel any children if that’s what he’s worried about, but he’s still complaining. AIBU?

OP posts:
Denim4ever · 08/01/2026 17:48

I didn't change my name. Many people I knew were surprised as I have a name that got me really teased growing up. It was just part of my feminism and DH totally understood this. With DS it's one of his middle names, as I just felt I wanted it there.

As regards the famous name element. I'm not sure it would bother me. We had a great friend and colleague who shared a name with a James Bond actor. He was quite close in age to the actor, equally charismatic but very different. Introductions at meetings etc. could be hilarious but he never minded.

PinkHairbrushClub · 08/01/2026 17:48

If you don't want to change your name, whatever the reason, that is your choice. Not changing your name doesn't take away from you being married. I did choose to change my name, but there was never any expectation I would, in fact my now DH asked me what I was going to do but didn't assume either way. TBH if he had dug his heels in I would have been more likely to say that I was keeping my maiden name.

Anyhow, all that to say that you have to do what is right for you.

LoveSandbanks · 08/01/2026 17:57

I think it depends on the celebrity. I’d have no problem being called Helen Mirren but I might feel differently if I was going to become Daniella Westbrook! Or Anita Dobson …

Or … Davina McCall. Don’t get me wrong, I love her but, oh my word, there’s me and then there’s a picture of the Davina McCall in their head 😂The constant “ooh Davina, you look fatter in real life”!

Ponderingwindow · 08/01/2026 18:01

If a man has negative feelings about his spouse not taking his name, I don’t think he is mature enough to get married. It signals he is not prepared for an egalitarian marriage.

If he really cared about having a family name, the simple solution would be for him to change his last name. It should not be automatic that your name and identity gets lost.

toomuchfaff · 08/01/2026 18:02

DoIdriveaVauxhallZafira · 08/01/2026 17:31

I voted yabu as I think your reasoning is an overreaction but ultimately you're not obliged to take his name & the reasons can be whatever, that's your perogative.

Why doesn't he take your name?

Agreed.

MrsMoastyToasty · 08/01/2026 18:08

Do what a couple I know did. Both he and she double-barrelled their names.
So he was Fred Bloggs-Jones (formerly Fred Bloggs) and she was Susan Bloggs-Jones (formerly Susan Jones). Not real names obviously!

Toastythesnowman · 08/01/2026 18:10

I didn't change my name because I didn't want to and if I had done I'd have the same first and second name as his mum.

We've been happily married for 13 years, two kids, it's not been an issue that we have different surnames.

PinkPhonyClub · 08/01/2026 18:12

I didn’t want to change my name. My now DH squeaked a bit but shut up when I said change to mine if that bothered. Kids have my last name as a middle name.

Alternatively you could consider eg Kaye Fate-Adams (or Kaye Fate Adams) with agreement kids are then Fate-Adams.

namestealer · 08/01/2026 18:15

YANBU to not want change your name, but YABU if this is the only reason.

Sartre · 08/01/2026 18:17

Double barrel, this is what DH and I did. I didn’t want to lose my identity and wanted DC to also carry it on.

thatnewdetectiveonDIPisanarse · 08/01/2026 18:17

Lovelynames123 · 08/01/2026 17:31

Ask him to change his to yours if it's not a big deal...he won't!

This!

ACynicalDad · 08/01/2026 18:19

Go double barrelled

Uhghg · 08/01/2026 18:19

I don’t see the issue.

I have lost count of how many Michael Jackson’s and other famous names I’ve met.

I think it makes them interesting and I think they enjoy it too.
It does give them attention and not everyone likes attention.

Unless it’s Tommy Robinson or that awful blonde woman that I’d be embarrassed to be associated with then it wouldn’t bother me at all.
You say it’s not an A list celeb anyway so most people wouldn’t even acknowledge it.

Santangelo · 08/01/2026 18:22

It really does depend on the celebrity.

Gemma Collins jokes would annoy me.

Anita Dobson less so.

Springflowersyay · 08/01/2026 18:23

I didn’t change my name.

My DH was initially vaguely surprised/curious, but when he considered if he wanted to change his name, and didn’t, he accepted my decision without comment.

My family insist on sending all correspondence to Mr and Mrs His Name, despite me reminding them constantly that’s not actually my name……..

Radiatorvalves · 08/01/2026 18:23

I am not sure who Kaye Adam’s is, so you wouldn’t get comments from me! I’ve been married for 25 years and have never been Mrs DH. Not that he’s a sleb or sounds like one…. He’s just got an unfortunate surname that I don’t like! Never been an issue.

FarmGirl78 · 08/01/2026 18:24

Please please do not double barrel your children's names. I've recently started work for the NHS and the number of people with double barrel names who we consistently can't find on the NHS spine due to Name-Name or Name Name or Name - Name discrepancies is ridiculous. If you don't want anything importany with your healthcare to me missed then I'd highly recommend you don't do it.

ShodAndShadySenators · 08/01/2026 18:28

You could both change your surname. Amalgamate the two surnames to make a new one. Like in a PP's example, if it would make you a Daniella Westbrook from Daniella Greene, you could both be Greenbrook?

If he doesn't want to do that, nor change his to yours, perhaps you'll be happier keeping your original name (which could well be your father's...) Fortunately it's entirely your call, and if he thinks he's got some say in it, is he someone you want to be marrying anyway?

Dollymylove · 08/01/2026 18:29

Realistically, on a day to day basis, how many people will you be telling your full name?
There will probably be plenty of folk who dont recognise the name, unless you are Barbra Streisand or the like😆

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/01/2026 18:33

Tell him you can all (including him) have double barrelled.

Or you can all have your name.

If he has any objections, ask him why he is a misogynist.

Sodthesystem · 08/01/2026 18:35

I'd be more worried that he's not ok with it tbh.

I'd expect a decent guy to go 'ah OK, I see where you're coming from. We can leave it then/Perhaps I could change mine instead?'.

"No I don't want to, it would make my life uncomfortable" is reason enough.

If he can't accept that then I'm not sure I'd want to marry him.

Myfridgeiscool · 08/01/2026 18:45

One of my biggest regrets is changing my name when I got married. I’d never have done it if I could turn back time. Such an old fashioned patriarchy bollocks thing.

Strangerthanfictions · 08/01/2026 18:46

SummerFate · 08/01/2026 17:27

I’m getting married later this year and had always assumed I’d take my husband’s name. I’ve never been particularly attached to my maiden name (divorced parents) and I’d like to have the same surname as my kids, which my mother doesn’t have.

However, if I do do this, I’ll have the same name as a celebrity. It’s not an A lister where it would be remarked on all the time, and it will still be a fairly ordinary name. (Think someone like Kaye Adams for the level of fame and ordinariness of name.) But it’s someone well known enough that I’ll definitely get “Ooh, I didn’t recognise you! You look taller on the telly” type jokes that I can do without. So I figure it’s just easier to keep my maiden name.

However, my fiancé has taken exception to this. He’s taking it personally and says I’m being daft: he said he’d understand me not wanting to be called Helen Mirren or Nicole Kidman, but that I’ll still have an ordinary name and that this celeb may be forgotten in a few years anyway.

I do get what he means, but he’s not the one who’ll be asked “Ooh, like the actress?” every time he gives his full name. I’ve also pointed out that a lot of women don’t change their name regardless, so he could have been marrying someone who never had any intention of being Mrs Name.

I’ve said we could double-barrel any children if that’s what he’s worried about, but he’s still complaining. AIBU?

This would totally grind my gears too. My maiden name was vaguely like a cartoon character and every single person thought they were the first to make the fucking joke. It gets old. I don't find stuff like that funny anyway, I hate that sort of humour (although love humour and like to think I'm funny) so I wouldn't take the name as I just couldn't be bothered with the masking and polite responding every time someone said it

Needmorelego · 08/01/2026 18:46

The example you give "Kaye Adams" - I have no clue who that is.
If it's that level of "famous" then I don't think you'll have a problem.
You could keep the name you have now and in six months someone with the same name could become well known.

Uhghg · 08/01/2026 18:49

FarmGirl78 · 08/01/2026 18:24

Please please do not double barrel your children's names. I've recently started work for the NHS and the number of people with double barrel names who we consistently can't find on the NHS spine due to Name-Name or Name Name or Name - Name discrepancies is ridiculous. If you don't want anything importany with your healthcare to me missed then I'd highly recommend you don't do it.

I’ve always found kids hate having double barrelled names.

I know I personally wouldn’t like it either.