To not become Mrs Celebrity Name?

[SummerFate]

I’m getting married later this year and had always assumed I’d take my husband’s name. I’ve never been particularly attached to my maiden name (divorced parents) and I’d like to have the same surname as my kids, which my mother doesn’t have.

However, if I do do this, I’ll have the same name as a celebrity. It’s not an A lister where it would be remarked on all the time, and it will still be a fairly ordinary name. (Think someone like Kaye Adams for the level of fame and ordinariness of name.) But it’s someone well known enough that I’ll definitely get “Ooh, I didn’t recognise you! You look taller on the telly” type jokes that I can do without. So I figure it’s just easier to keep my maiden name.

However, my fiancé has taken exception to this. He’s taking it personally and says I’m being daft: he said he’d understand me not wanting to be called Helen Mirren or Nicole Kidman, but that I’ll still have an ordinary name and that this celeb may be forgotten in a few years anyway.

I do get what he means, but he’s not the one who’ll be asked “Ooh, like the actress?” every time he gives his full name. I’ve also pointed out that a lot of women don’t change their name regardless, so he could have been marrying someone who never had any intention of being Mrs Name.

I’ve said we could double-barrel any children if that’s what he’s worried about, but he’s still complaining. AIBU?

I had a fairly similar issue: first and married surname would have rhymed! DH had no problem at all with me keeping my maiden name, but definitely likes the kids sharing his surname.

As a PP said, someone would get famous and have the same name as you have now so it wouldn’t bother me.

The obvious solution to avoid the issue is for him to take your name instead. (Unless that makes him Mr James Bond or Donald Trump etc ) I’d say that to him and if he wouldn’t do what he thinks you should, he’s a sexist arse and doesn’t have a leg to stand on.

I hate it when men expect this but wouldn’t do it themselves. Way to clearly show you think men are more important than women.

Well I don't know who Kaye Adams is, if that's any help. I don't think this will be as much of an issue as you're imagining, unless it is someone very notorious for the wrong reasons. I don't think people with very famous names get commented on often, most people are aware that there's probably more than one Elizabeth Taylor or Jennifer Lawrence in the world. If it's something unusual like Keira Knightly or Ivana Trump, then yeah, you probably have something to worry about. And I very much wish the only famous person with my surname was better known as when I'm asked to spell it and say "it's [my surname] - as in [celebrity name]", I just get blank looks!

Before I married my name was the same as a famous soap character. I did get comments but not much. Mostly I wasn’t bothered but it peed me off a little bit when I overheard the pharmacist in the back of the chemist saying ooooh we’ve got Mrs soap character out here. My brother has the same name as Mrs soap characters son as well and he can’t get rid of that through marriage ha!

100% @WhatterySquash

I worked with a woman who was called Janet Jackson. For her, ti was so so so fucking tedious. All the jokes. All the comments.

As someone who has a very hard to pronounce given name that has been irritating as fuck to live with for 52 years- I'm not sure why any loving partner would inflict that on someone who marries them. Tell him to change his bloody name if it's not such a big deal.

All of this!

I didn’t change my name and I wouldn’t have wanted to change it to have the same name as a celebrity. I know lots of people have the same name but to deliberately change it to be the same as someone you know or someone famous would feel odd to me, like the other person would come to mind instead of myself if I thought about the name because they had the name first.

I married myself into a celebrity name. The novelty wore off for my friends and family after a few weeks.
It gets commented on occasionally, but it’s really not a problem.
It’s caused a couple of restaurants to be dissapointed when I’ve turned up for a booking!

I’d give him three options:

• he takes your name
• or you both double-barrel in preparation for your kids.
• you don’t change your name

I know men who’ve done the top 2 options. If he is that offended by the above reasonable suggestions then is he worth marrying?!

Keep your name, give the children your name. He can change his if he wants. Simple!

Ask him why women should take the mans name.
Isnt it time it was different.

I think it’s a bit of a silly reason but I don’t understand why woman give up their names when they get married.

Keep your name because it’s yours or you both double-barrel. If he won’t change his, why on earth would you change yours?

As a child I had the same name as a famous person, a very unusual name for a female as well. It drove me mad constantly being reminded of it by teachers and adults.
As an already adult, in a world where names aren't as mainstream now anyway I don't think it would get picked up so much BUT it depends on the name/celebrity and how common that name is overall. Mine was very rare so made people mention it more.

The upshot is, no one actually needs a reason.

Women who want to use their own identities after marriage need to justify that decision to no one. It's entirely theirs. No one has a vested interest in what men call themselves, or whether they carry a title that denotes their sexual status.

It's all so antediluvian.

The convention was that babies take their mother’s name. However, it was also convention that mother’s would be married to the father prior to the birth and would change their name on marriage, so by the the time the baby arrived, mother and father had the same name.

Children born outside of marriage (if not adopted) would be unlikely to take the father’s name, unless it was changed after subsequent marriage of the parents.

It's just swapping one man's name for another, isn't it.
I stuck with my Dad's name.
Husband said I could call myself Fred Bloggs if I want to as long as I married him 😍

Women who want to use their own identities after marriage need to justify that decision to no one. It's entirely theirs. No one has a vested interest in what men call themselves, or whether they carry a title that denotes their sexual status.

Absolutely. This is something that’s increasingly pissing me off. ‘Is that Miss, Mrs or Ms?’. It’s none of your fucking business if I’m married or not! I really can’t understand why this is still being asked of women when it isn’t of men.

If your not fussed about your name- but don't want his (I wouldn't either.. the jokes would wear thin) .. ask to create 'your name' a name you both could live with.

I was on holiday and there was an announcement for an Anne Summers. Everyone just burst out laughing.

I’ve never heard of Kaye Adams so YABU

Also, you say you want to have the same surname as your DC - they can have your surname and your (future) DH can have his own surname if he's so attached to it.

No, it isn't.

My name is my name as surely as my brother's is his. Names are not on loan to women from men.

I absolutely could not be bothered with people making small talk or amusing comments when I tell people my name. I'd find it really irritating.

Not as irritating as some bloke telling me I should change it though.

I’d seriously suggest he takes your name. In the 70’s and 80’s I had a relative whose married name was Mary Whitehouse, and she couldn’t go anywhere without it being joked about. You don’t need it and it’s 2026 so you don’t have to do it.