Friend annoyed with me over NYE plans

[TraitorsSandwich]

interested in opinions on this one as now I’m questioning myself !!

For several years, me and DH have spent NYE with my friend and her husband, taking it in turns to host. They were always really keen to say how it was a nice ‘tradition’ etc and up until this year it had worked for us too.

However we have grown close to another group of friends & instead spent NYE with them - friend and her DH were on their own and friend has said to me that she’s upset we ditched them for our new friends.

WIBU ? I feel bad now that they were on their own but equally don’t agree that we should be forced into seeing them every NYs.

What strange behaviour. When they mentioned you should have said you had other plans. They’re upset because because you behaved really rudely and didn’t actually even tell them. They deserve better friends.

Pretty mean tbh. Imagine how you might feel in that situation.
I'm not sure why you couldn't just say we have a change of plan this year?
Just burying your head in the sand is just so immature. Of course she was going to feel upset. You were snide.

Well that was just rude. Unless you told them, how were they meant to know you were breaking a tradition? You owe an apology.

Nah. Not cool. You left them feeling abandoned and you should have tried to find a way to include them. You wouldn’t like it if it were done to you.

By not saying you were undecided or had other plans months ago when it was raised, ywbu

You certainly should have told them that you were making alternative arrangements after all those years.

By the very fact that you’re asking, and now not even replying to comments, it seems to me that you realise what an absolutely miserable a*e hle you’ve been. Totally rude and unwarranted behaviour to a friend. Not a nice start to your friend’s new year.

Horrible behaviour.

It wasn’t on them to mention it again, and that’s a cowardly attempt at evading responsibility.

Of course you don’t have to always do the same thing , of course you can spend occasions with other people

But you agree it had become a tradition so when they brought it up… actually BEFORE they brought it up , since you already knew… you should have said “oh, just to give you the heads up we are planning NYE at xx this year. We’ll miss you of course but hope we can have a NY drink asap “

If you want to stay friends, apologise.

You were both very heartless, you should of mentioned that you had made other plans when they mentioned it. True, you don’t have to do the same every year but not to tell them was unthinkable. People make plans months in advance, ditching them with short notice was very mean indeed.

And you still need to ask the question?!
Not unreasonable at all to have other plans but very much so for how you handled it.

Yeah that’s not very nice on your part. Why didn’t you invite them too?

You were very nasty imo. So you spent every NYE with this couple and then just ignored them when they spoke about it, never telling them that you wouldnt be carrying on the old tradition. With friends like you ……. I hope they’ve permanently ditched you and that your new found “friends” treat you in the same way

@TraitorsSandwich

This.

That's a really shoddy and immature way to treat people.

How would you like to have been dumped for a set of shiny new toys? You may well regret your treatment of perfectly decent and nice people.

Could you not have invited them along too. Ie 'actually this year we are doing x would you like to join,' even if they said no which is probable you've at least told them your plans.

What would your reaction have been if they had ditched you for new friends? Did you actually tell them of your new plans so that they could arrange something else?

Sorry for your friends you should of told them

Wait, so were your ‘old’ friends alll set up and waiting for you to arrive on NYE and you stood them up?

Cunts trick. You should have told them.

Why not though, how do you think people meet new people. You should have invited them along

Shoddy behaviour. You didn’t want to invite them or celebrate NYE with them and want others to make you feel less crappy. Not clear why they couldn’t be invited too - your responses on this are feeble. YABU.

Op no one is forcing you but how would you have felt if it was the other way around? People are flaky and drop people like hot bricks you should have had the decency to tell them you have basically shit on them. If you were my friend I would be fuming especially as you didn’t tell them. You’re a shitty friend tbh.

As often happens, there should be an Etiquette forum, which is the issue here.

There are two crucial things that are not totally clear in your post - whether in each case it's a foursome, and whether you provided advance notice.

Assuming these would both have been foursomes, you should have either:
1)Told your old friends very early, a month in advance, very apologetically that you had other plans this year.
2)Told your new friends that you would have loved to, but at this late date, you have a traditional get-together commitment with others, so perhaps you can re-think this next year.

However, the third possibility doesn't seem to have occurred to you:
3)Host NYE yourself and invite BOTH couples.

I think you were really unreasonable and rude to just ignore the fact that they invited you. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to spend NYE with them but the way you handled it has made it seem like you don’t care about their feelings at all.

I think this is the issue. You should have told them you have other plans this year.

Having the ability to say "no" is a sign of a strong character and healthy boundaries.