Friend annoyed with me over NYE plans

[TraitorsSandwich]

interested in opinions on this one as now I’m questioning myself !!

For several years, me and DH have spent NYE with my friend and her husband, taking it in turns to host. They were always really keen to say how it was a nice ‘tradition’ etc and up until this year it had worked for us too.

However we have grown close to another group of friends & instead spent NYE with them - friend and her DH were on their own and friend has said to me that she’s upset we ditched them for our new friends.

WIBU ? I feel bad now that they were on their own but equally don’t agree that we should be forced into seeing them every NYs.

Youve ditched your old friend for a new one. She and her hubby should meet the new couple and leave you alone next year!

Blimey, are you really that dim you can’t see how horrible you’ve been to your friend? I hope your new friends are worth losing your old ones for. Hopefully your new friends will drop you at the last minute next NYE so you have a taste of your own medicine. Your old friend is well rid tbh. Even if you grovelled and apologised, I wouldn’t be able to trust you again.

You sound like a pretty shitty friend.

Yes, you're out of order

You were rude and insensitive.

I have switched my vote to YABU after this update. No you shouldn't be tied in to a hosting situation forever, but you really should have let them know as soon as you made alternative plans. This is a long-running arrangement, so it's not surprising that they would have been expecting you to come - especially as you didn't let them know any different. I hope you didn't leave them in the lurch last minute OP. I am not surprised they are upset with you.

You could try to make amends and ask them around now - just you or with some of the friends you did spend NY with.

The fact you and your husband didn’t say anything to them when they mentioned hosting and just sort of slipped out of the arrangement is pretty crap of you both tbh. I would feel very let down if my friends did this to me. I think you owe them an apology. Of course you don’t have to keep to the “tradition” but at least have the decency to tell them you are making other plans this year. They definitely feel like you’ve ditched them for a better offer which basically is what you did, you just didn’t have the balls to tell them

You are framing your question as if this was about you being forced to spend every NYE with your old friends. In reality that's not the issue at all is it? You just didn't bother to be honest with them. It was a shitty and cowardly thing to do. You are just framing it in a different way so as to create an excuse for your bad behaviour and feel better about it. YABU.

The situation was handled extremely poorly. Why didn’t you just say that you were planning to spend NYE without them?

You'd just ghost them and not even let them know?

You dumped long standing friends for a new crew. You didn’t give them an invite or a heads up that they needed to make other plans. Not nice.

I reckon @TraitorsSandwich has ghosted us because she isn't getting the responses she wanted.

YABU. This could all have been avoided if you’d have just acted like adults and told them that you didn’t want to spend NYE with them. You’re not doing anything wrong BTW but it was really unfair to leave them hanging like that.

Absolutely no reason why you couldn’t have said to your new cool mates “hey, we always spend NYE with John and Julie, can we bring them? Otherwise we will need to decline”

No reason why you couldn’t have given John and Julie a heads up months ago you weren’t available.

You were spineless and treated John and Julie badly. It’s all on you OP, just remember Sebastian and Sophie may dump you next year, then you will be on your own.

100% this! This is the sort of behaviour I absolutely despise in people; use others while a situation is good for them, then, when a better friend comes along, drop the the first ones like a stone!

You've been extremely unreasonable, surely you recognise that? You bailed on annual plans without any notice, you should have extended the invite or given them TONS of warning you had other plans. I'd be reconsidering my friendship with you, had you done that to me. Utterly selfish and thoughtless. Very inconsiderate.

Guessing maybe this is a wind-up as it is so unreasonable!

So you ghosted them! That was really not nice, being friend for odd plus years and not even telling them you are not coming and now you wonder why they are upset? And you call yourself their friend? Very low.

This sort of cowardly non-communication really grinds my gears.

@TraitorsSandwich cold and callous behaviour (if true)

That fact it’s a new group makes it even worse! You should have hosted it at yours and invited new friends and old! Odd not to, childish.

If you don't want to socialise with people have the decency to tell them.

Hi Rod & Jane. We're not going to meet up this NYE, we have made new friends & want to hang out with them.

Why would that be awkward 🤔

Nobody is obliged but friends don't just leave people hanging and avoid letting others know because it's awkward

You were not only unreasonable, but really disrespectful, rude and cruel. Why did you not just tell them, oh we have other plans this year...

I'd be quite upset. Not that you made other plans but that you chose to not stay anything and let me assume we'd be celebrating together

Fairweather friend you are.

Polite thing would have been to tell them as you know they'd expect to spend it with you and your DH.

You're making it sound like they wanted to tag along when it actually has been a tradition.

No way to treat a friend even if they'd ended up with other people.

Dear me. To even ask for opinions on your behaviour, is a dead giveaway away as to how thoughtless, uncaring, selfish and shallow you are. So - short answer - YES - since you ask .. your behaviour was and is Unreasonable. Sorted.