Friend annoyed with me over NYE plans

[TraitorsSandwich]

interested in opinions on this one as now I’m questioning myself !!

For several years, me and DH have spent NYE with my friend and her husband, taking it in turns to host. They were always really keen to say how it was a nice ‘tradition’ etc and up until this year it had worked for us too.

However we have grown close to another group of friends & instead spent NYE with them - friend and her DH were on their own and friend has said to me that she’s upset we ditched them for our new friends.

WIBU ? I feel bad now that they were on their own but equally don’t agree that we should be forced into seeing them every NYs.

Sounds like you weren’t very honest and they were left unsure and then ditched.

of course you can do what you want - but maybe told them earlier and clearer?

I think one of the things it comes down to is how many years. You only say "several". If it's say 4 years and post-covid then it's probably borderline but if it's 10 year tradition and and you ended it with no notice then you're definitely being unreasonable. At the very least you should have told them and offered up an alternative night such as the Saturday either side.

That is an absolutely selfish and extremely rude behavior. I'd consider that friendship over, because they will not be interacting with you again.

Actually, I'm now thinking it's surely a reverse

Surely, as a matter of common courtesy, you could have explained the situation to them in good time? They would have been disappointed but would have had time to get used to the idea and had the chance to make alternative plans. I think your behaviour was immature and you’ve probably lost good friends as a result. Such a shame.

You were rude. The poor couple were left in limbo as to whether you were doing something together or not and then they find out they were dumped! Not nice manners...

Wow. Harsh OP.

Unkind, and how would you feel if the tables were turned?

It's likely to be a bit hurtful to your friends if you stop doing the thing you always do with them because you'd rather do it with somebody else. Shocker.

It's likely to be very hurtful to your friends if you just don't give a proper answer to their attempt to make their usual plans with you, and you don't give them a proper answer or explanation. Shocker.

It's fine, you'll just need to carry on making new friends to replace the ones you piss off every few years.

Don’t think you handled this very well!

TBH you sound like a complete p**t! You’ve been seeing these ‘friends’ for years and always doing New Year, but when something better comes along you jump ship without even having the decency to tell them.
if these new friends were really that, you could have explained the situation and asked if they minded your old friends tagging along.
i wonder how you’ll feel next year if your new buddies drop you? It will serve you right if that happens.

Jeez what a nasty pair you are. You dumped your old friends for your new sparkly ones and didn't have the guts to tell them.

I don’t know why you kept that tradition going for so long. Of course it got stale. You should have however made your change of plans known so your ‘friends’ could have made other plans. It’s obvious you didn’t want to invite them to the new group party. All you had to do was tell them it would have been rude to invite others to someone else’s party.

You sound like terrible friends, they are well shot of you.

You were really mean not to invite your friends, I hate that kind of siloing of friends if it means people will be left out. It’s very childish. You were exceptionally rude to leave them hanging knowing they were looking forward to the night and had mentioned it months prior.

You’re entitled to spend it as you like; but unless they’ve done something or you’re naturally drifting as friends/not as close, it was a bit of a shitty way of going about things;
But I guess you realised that at the time by ‘not saying anything’ when they made a suggestion about the tradition and now you’re feeling awkward.

not the best way to treat your friends, better to be upfront and say you’ve got other plans,

Frankly I think you’ve been downright mean and thoughtless , and I suspect you know it. The fact you were too cowardly to broach it suggests you felt awkward - so you left them with zero time to plan any viable alternative whilst you had fun with your new friends. I hope your new friends do the same to you at the last minute and you realise how hurtful you’ve been. Loyal and long term friends are precious- they didn’t deserve your lack of consideration.

This was unkind, borderline cruel. When they mentioned it and you said nothing they understandably would have assumed it was all happening as usual.

Frankly I'm with you friends, you are appalling!
They raised the subject, you ignored/ghosted them.

It sounds like it was reasonable of them to assume this year would follow the pattern and you haven’t disillusioned them. Particularly if it was mentioned and you said nothing to the contrary, that’s on you. I think you know it was a bit off not to say you were doing something different this year. Credit to your friend for (seemingly quite gently?) calling you out on it.

I think you were unkind to your longstanding friends. Just because you've found new people, you don't suddenly drop the old ones, especially if you have longstading arrangements. There are ways around these situations that you could have employed to avoid hurt and disappointment.

I think you're rotten, snide and untrustworthy.

The OP won't be back, nearly everyone has said what a cowardly, horrible thing she done, this is either a reverse, or the OP does not want to justify what she has done.

I am out of this thread now as it us a waste of mine and everyone else's time. Taking it at face value the OP is not worth it.

This.

Wow can you be for real? I actually feel upset on behalf of your friends.