DD's dressing gown

[DreamingBe]

DD, 7, has some sensory issues and sensory seeking behaviour, particularly with regard to clothes. She is very stubborn when she's decided what she wants or doesn't want to wear.

She has a plain fleece dressing gown she often refuses to take off as it's very snuggly. It's in good condition and a very boring design, like this Dressing gown . I have to steal it away regularly to wash it or I swear she'd never be out of it at all.

AIBU to allow her to wear it over her school uniform for the journey to school during mild, clear weather? She uses it as a blanket in the car and then pops it on for the 2 minute walk to school. She always has her coat available and offered to her, is otherwise dressed normally including appropriately warm, clean clothes, and I take the dressing gown home when she gets to school. I insist on her wearing her coat if it's raining.

She gets distraught and extremely defiant if I try to get her to leave the dressing gown at home. I have an autistic DS and getting him ready in the morning can be stressful enough already that it seems ridiculous to pick battles I don't need to face over behaviour that isn't causing any harm.

School have apparently logged her wearing it as a safeguarding concern. In and of itself, not in conjunction with other issues.

I don't get what the big deal is, other than it being a bit eccentric because it's not typically considered an outdoors item of clothing (which I have explained to her and also explained that other people may find it a bit strange or her classmates might comment on it, which she doesn't care about). Is school nuts or am I? I feel like either they or I must have totally lost the plot because it seems like such a weird thing for them to be concerned about.

Well, some of the parents wear dressing gowns to our school (and they're manky too) so I wouldn't bat and eye at a kid in one.

I have to admit, I'm the same as your daughter. I live in mine (if I'm at home).

Why not. It's harmless and comforting.

Given mumsnetters proudly declare they wear their onesies and pjs on the school run, it’s kind of ridiculous to report as a safeguarding concern.

Just out of interest, would you log a 10 year old boys wearing school uniform shorts in this freezing cold weather? My sons 10 and 8 refuse to wear trousers and wear shorts all year round to school. They wear jumpers and obviously are wrapped up with coats, hats and gloves in this weather. I’m worried the school will think it’s irresponsible of me

On the one hand if she is willingly giving it up at the gate why would you add stress for her and you taking it away earlier. If she's not giving it up easily I would say I'd rather have the struggle coming out of you house than at school.

On the other hand - especially if its dirty sometimes - at some point one of the kids may say something which could be distressing for her.

I would try and have the rule she can take it in the car but it stays there for the 2min walk. Is there a similar design but an actual coat she could have?

I don't see the safeguarding concern though, she's not in her pjs all day at school. My kids, like many, wore their onesies after swimming for the short walk home which is very similar.

School have apparently logged her wearing it as a safeguarding concern. In and of itself, not in conjunction with other issues.

Have they actually said it was logged as a safeguarding concern?

It's the sort of thing I would log on cpoms but there are several categories on cpoms where we record everything from non attendance at parents evening; safeguarding issues; behaviour incidents; and parental contact about their child being in trainers because they accidentally left their school shoes at dad's.

It's just the central place for logging everything for the purpose of record keeping.

I'd log this on cpoms too but not as a safeguarding concern but under SEN just in case it formed part of a bigger picture as she goes through school.

If it was an adult wearing a dressing gown to a supermarket, I'd think it odd... oh, hang on.. 🤔

The school are being OTT.

The "dressing gown" is a teddy coatigan.

You can buy women's cardigans and coatigans made from teddy fleece that looks like dressing gowns so if grown adults can wear them I don't see why children can't wear similar.

I’d be more concerned if you were in your dressing gown.
I always remember my friend’s little girl often wearing a tutu and red wellies. She was delightful.
It’s tricky but if it’s working then that must be better than a child being upset as they go into school.

It’s an opportunity to explore what it is she struggles with. Maybe look for a winter coat with a snuggly fleece lining? Regatta, for example, do a waterproof dry robe style coat where the fleece is at the sleeve outside ends too so she’d have fleece ( and no irritating seams) wherever her skin touches. Coincidentally I see that it’s reduced to £24 from £60 on the regatta website so could be a perfect winter coat for a couple of years and still soothe her.

She’s 7!

It's a dressing gown... Not like she's got a fag in one hand and a phone in the other..
Ds was fanatical about fabric..
ASD...

We had a whole conversation recently at work about office slippers, not everyone was on board but lots were. It stemmed from someone tracking mud across the carpet but then it just seemed like it would be cosy

My (ND sensory) child is older now but very similar. I think you hit the nail on the head when you talked about choosing your battles.

If it keeps her regulated and gets her into school then I honestly wouldn’t give it a second thought.

My child will not have their arms covered in any circumstances and will only eat the same ready meal for lunch as anything else is too overwhelming. I’ve been clear (in writing) that it’s either school roll with this and the reasons why emphasising that otherwise there’s no way we’ll be getting him out the door.

You already have a ds with autism - why hasn’t your dd been assessed and diagnosed for autism too? You know girls present very differently than boys with autism and sensory stuff is one of the main symptoms of autism that sneak out with girls - clearly needs help!! This isn’t about the dressing gown!!! And no she needs more rules and parenting and you sticking to them and the dressing gown doesn’t leave the house and she puts the coat on when she leaves the house and the dressing gown stays at home. No
negotiation or whatever about it because frankly you are the parents and she is the child and children go are ND need more parenting and rules etc to help them manage life and actually progress than NT children

I'd definitely let my kid wear it!

And did you ever get him assessed for autism? So you could actually help him progress past this? It’s a sensory thing and this isn’t a thing NT children have and all your post points to is an undiagnosed young man who hasn’t had the help and input he needed as a child so will go on undiagnosed as an adult until he or someone else points out he clearly has autism and then he finally understands why he is the way he is - there’s a lot more to it than clothes and he will be thinking there is something wrong with him and not understanding why he is and feels the way he does

Probably they're too busy teaching, their core job, to waste time on things like this. At what point will the OP stop giving in to every whim her child has, if schools didn't have to waste time like this then standards of learning would rocket.

my ridiculous penguin slippers give me comfort - doesn't mean I can wear them out of the house

You are not 7 years old though, i can't work out if you are being obtuse on purpose or not, but it is quite the leap from fluffy dressing gown on a kid to breakdown of society, that you are implying.

Don't do this, you will look like a loon

DH and I saw some garments in the V&A gift shop over Christmas for upwards of £250 that he believed were coats and I'm convinced were dressing gowns. So I think they're interchangeable!
Also, she's 7. She's not interviewing for a job in a bank. The idea that it's a safeguarding concern is ridiculous - what exactly is the harm they are concerned about?
Agree with PPs that she is likely neurodivergent also.

but it's the same. I LIKE the slippers, I ENJOY the comforting sensation of the slippers. But I also know that there is more sensible and appropriate attire for outdoors. And that I can't have what I want all the time.
I'm afraid I don't pander to childish demands. If she were my child she would be in a coat and I would be taking the dressing gown off her even at home if she didn't stop this ridiculous behaviour. She is 7, not 3.

Sure !

exactly this, even at 7 they can get teased or bullied.