DD's dressing gown

[DreamingBe]

DD, 7, has some sensory issues and sensory seeking behaviour, particularly with regard to clothes. She is very stubborn when she's decided what she wants or doesn't want to wear.

She has a plain fleece dressing gown she often refuses to take off as it's very snuggly. It's in good condition and a very boring design, like this Dressing gown . I have to steal it away regularly to wash it or I swear she'd never be out of it at all.

AIBU to allow her to wear it over her school uniform for the journey to school during mild, clear weather? She uses it as a blanket in the car and then pops it on for the 2 minute walk to school. She always has her coat available and offered to her, is otherwise dressed normally including appropriately warm, clean clothes, and I take the dressing gown home when she gets to school. I insist on her wearing her coat if it's raining.

She gets distraught and extremely defiant if I try to get her to leave the dressing gown at home. I have an autistic DS and getting him ready in the morning can be stressful enough already that it seems ridiculous to pick battles I don't need to face over behaviour that isn't causing any harm.

School have apparently logged her wearing it as a safeguarding concern. In and of itself, not in conjunction with other issues.

I don't get what the big deal is, other than it being a bit eccentric because it's not typically considered an outdoors item of clothing (which I have explained to her and also explained that other people may find it a bit strange or her classmates might comment on it, which she doesn't care about). Is school nuts or am I? I feel like either they or I must have totally lost the plot because it seems like such a weird thing for them to be concerned about.

Kids all manage to go to school and wear a uniform, and with decent parents, weather appropriate clothing (I know there are neglectful parents, sadly)

You do what you want, my kids would have to leave their dressing gown at home. They don't even need to bring dressing gowns and pyjamas at swimming, while (rare) lazy parents do 😂

I would be concerned about bullying too. Children should be taught to wear appropriate clothes at the appropriate times and not that they can wear whatever they want because they want to.

Have you explained to the school why she is wearing it?

As a teacher, we always record children turning up in bed clothes because it could be a sign things are very disruptive in the mornings at home. Though in your daughter’s case, I may still record it with your explanation as it is giving an impression of neurodivergence and could be useful evidence if you decided to seek a diagnosis.

Tbh, I'd try to get her to leave it at home. Just because it's easier for you dient mean it's best for her in the long run.

What about a cape? When I was at primary school most of the girls wore capes instead of coats, we loved them!

let her wear it op, it makes her feel safe and gets her to school calm. what more do they want??

@HateThese4LeggedbeastsI'm in the same boat except my DS is in reception. I completely agree OP this in not the hill to die on, she is following uniform policy when actually at school and you are providing her with clean, warm clothes to wear throughout the school day. It was the best decision I made to let my DS wear clothes he was comfortable in for school (all of which meet the schools uniform policy) rather than fighting him over quite minor points similar to yours. I also reached out to school about this and it turned out they couldn't care less really.

I'm sure the posters highlighting, you can't let her get away with this don't understand the enormous upset a child with sensory difficulties may have around something as seemingly simple as getting dressed.

don't understand the enormous upset a child with sensory difficulties may have around something as seemingly simple as getting dressed.

Or we've been there gone through it and realised that if we had been a bit more insistent in helping them overcome and learn to deal with issues like this when they were younger, we'd probably have had an easier time of it when they entered the teenage years!

You have my sympathy, I have a daughter who’s 6, also very particular with clothes and possessions, awaiting autism assessment. We have a lot of issues with her uniform in general. I would let her take it in the car as a blanket but I wouldn’t let her wear it as if it’s a jacket out in public. Now that she’s used to that though you’ll have difficulty changing it. Explain the school won’t allow it and you’ll get in trouble.

The school probably have to report it even though it’s ridiculous as nothing else causes concern. Just explain and see what response they give.

I’ve gone through the fights of taking items to school or sneaking them. If she is being very difficult I’ll let her take it in the car but she has to hand it over before she leaves the car.

Is there a middle ground here - you get her something similarly snuggly, like an Oodie, which is only worn for going to school in? So she still has the sensory comfort that she loves but she's not wearing what is essentially her pyjamas out in the street...

My DS is very similar, he puts his oodie on the minute he walks through the door after school, and would live in it if I allowed it (he also has sensory issues) but we have somehow managed to avoid that!

Where do you work? In a shop, office, school, WFH?

At most I’d allow it in the car but I wouldn’t let her walk into school wearing it

Not a chance I'd allow my child to wear their dressing gown to school.

I have a ds similar age who also has quite specific sensory needs .

I would say it’s fine & just have a conversation with school to explain it I’m sure they’ll understand! If they don’t SS definitely wouldn’t take it further if that’s the only concern!!

No drama needed.

Would you really? I doubt that very much.
Are you that gobby parent or just taking the piss and trying to get a laugh on here? I think most people would think how fucking stupid.🙄

The school probably have to report it even though it’s ridiculous as nothing else causes concern.

They haven't reported it.

They've recorded it.

Big difference.

This way, she's on the SENDCo's radar and if other things that suggest ND start to be noticed, there is already a picture forming.

The system schools use for recording this (usually cpoms, I'm not aware of any others!) will record all sorts of things about children that parents willl think are silly or OTT.

Some are concerns and some are just record keeping.

Parents don't understand this and assume it's always a 'concern' (about parents).

Most of the time, whatever category it's recorded under, its usually little more than "I've noticed this and it's probably something we should keep an eye on."

Sometimes that will be actual safeguarding related. Sometimes it will be behaviour. Sometimes falling out with friends. Sometimes sensory issues. Sometimes academic issues. Anything.

Sometimes it's a one off and nothing to worry about. Sometimes it's just a particular idiosyncrasy of the family or child. And sometimes it's a tiny piece of a bigger picture that emerges over time.

My school is really hot on recording and I do several cpoms every week for all sorts of reasons. I could count the number that have actually been 'reported' anywhere on one hand. And still have fingers leftover.

not sure why people think wearing a dry robe would be more socially acceptable than a dressing gown - the purpose of a dry robe is to change inside of, not to be a coat, so both would be being used for purposes outside of what they are intended for.
my children wear pjs and a dressing gown/oodie from the changing rooms to the car after swimming lessons, so I don’t think wearing an inside garment briefly outside is a huge problem.
does she then keep the robe at school with her all day, or do you take it from her at drop off?

edit - just reread and you take it home. If she’s happy, she’s happy. Wouldn’t bother me.

There's loads of jumpers and such made from the same material. I'd buy her one to wear instead.

Sounds like you've got enough to deal with tbh! All kids have their foibles. Normal not to be normal! This doesn't sound like a hill to die on, particularly as you're taking it in your stride.

As PPs have said, it would be worth getting DD assessed too. Sounds like the school recording the dressing gown wearing is a positive thing for in in this regard.

I'd be assuming she's ND like her brother.

Speak to her teacher to explain it keeps her calm and let her crack on. I live in my dressing gown (probably ND as DS is), it's like a safe little cocoon.

She's 7! There are many things she naturally does now which she will not do when she has a job.
Let's stop trying to make children stop being children because 'she can't do that when she's got a job'

What business is it of theirs what she wears to the school gate? As long as she’s taking it off before entering school I don’t see the issue, at least as far as school is concerned. She is in appropriate clothing otherwise. However, do other children look strangely at her or make comments and if so is she affected by this? If they aren’t already then at some point other kids are possibly going to tease her. Not that that in itself is a reason not to do it, but she’ll need to be made aware that might become a possibility.

What about trying a dry robe? Fleecy inside and waterproof. Looks more like a coat. Wearing the dressing gown at 7 is not a big deal now but will be in year 6

One of mine used to wear her favourite pink sparkly wellies to pre-school and it was "noted". I had to prove she had other shoes. 🙄

Very likely she's Autistic especially as your other dc is.

I don't get the issue, its not hurting anyone, continue to let her get some comfort from her dressing gown of a morning.

It's very easy to say what you would and wouldn't stand for until you are tested every day for years on end and this is just one of 100 battles, 99 of which are more important. Very easy to see how this might not be the hill you want to die on.