DH says he won’t help with baby when she’s born

[Madferrrit]

i have been in DHs sons life since he was 4. I have a great relationship with him, I go to school plays, take him to football matches, played with him when he was younger. He would always come to me when he was tired or hurt or sick when he was staying with us. I love DSS a lot.

I was young when I married DH and became a stepmum, so maybe I was a bit naive. In the first year I did wake up with them and stay with them all day. Then I underwent some significant stress in my life and was signed off for 6 months. In that time I went to counselling and explored my guilt at not being a “good stepmum” because I didn’t do early morning wake ups. Counselor explained my role as stepmum was to be an extra loving adult in DSS life and I didn’t need to take responsibility for parenting things. I did say to DH at the time that I could do one early wake up on a Sunday to give him a lie in but he said he got up at 7am anyway so i didn’t have to.

Now we’re having a baby. I was excited the other night, we were talking about names and stuff. Then he said he would not be doing any night wakings and will be enjoying his lie ins. When I asked what he meant he said he was the one who did it all with DSS so now it’s my turn. Then he said you’re going to have a shock at how tired you are.

He said also said that I’ll understand what real love is when I have our baby, because I don’t love DSS “in the same way” as him - which is true I guess but I feel sad he said it.

I don’t know what I’m asking really. I guess am I unreasonable to be anxious that he won’t help me?

Yes, and?

He'd find a woman to do the parenting asap.

There is a difference between wanting babies and being wllling to parent. I suspect he was a useless parent in that relationship. The 50:50 wasn’t about wanting to parent but wanting to avoid child maintenance. Hence finding a woman that could take on his share. It didn’t work out that way. He was forced to parent his own child. Now he’s made it clear you have 100% responsibility for parenting your shared child and he’ll probably push for you 100% taking care of DS because it’s easier (for him).

You know the future. He won’t go for 50:50 custody - 3 different mothers with no ability to actually parent.

Looks like OP has exited.

OP, you’ll probably be back when he escalates. We’ll be here and happy to help.

Of course he wanted another, because he can force you to do 100% of parenting with the baby and then gaslight you into believing that means you must take over 100% of the parenting of SS so he isn't treated differently. This loser does not care about you or his children and he never will. IME with 2 DC at school, most men are no longer like this and ypur DC will notice that they are not loved in the same way other children are and wonder why their Mum chose to put them through this lifestyle when she could have left.