To feel a bit annoyed that my DD is no longer vegan?

[stallionsun]

DD is 22, left home in October and moved in with her boyfriend.

She decided to become vegetarian at 8yo and at 12yo she decided to be vegan.

For 10 years I bought and cooked vegan food for her as she stressed it was so important to her. She knew what extra work and expense this was, having to cook separate meals every night, and the extra expense on my shopping bill.

She was away in her boyfriend's home country for Christmas and New Year, and we are only getting to see her now and they are coming over for dinner on Friday night.

I said I'd seen a lovely vegan recipe to make for her and she said "oh, don't worry mum, I'm not vegan any more, it was just too much faff to make a vegan meal every night, and it costs so much more"

Too much faff and costs more? you don't say?

AIBU to be irritated that she happily let me put in the effort for her to be vegan for 10 years which was apparently so important to her but the second she moves out, she ditches he beliefs because it's too hard for her?

The other options are not to cull and let starvation thin the herds, which causes additional environmental damage as well as being far less pleasant, or reintroduce lynx and wolf, and I'm sure the deer would prefer the occasional swift bullet over seeing their fawns eaten in front of them.

Well good job i dont care 😊

No one cares that you don’t care.

Yes I eat venison for this reason though I don't eat any other mammals (I used to be vegetarian from age 14 but stopped a few years ago). Consumption of venison needs to approximately double in order to keep deer herds healthy and prevent environmental damage from over-grazing. Tackling it through more predators is a totally inappropriate solution - if there were sufficient wolves to balance the herds of deer we have, they would be more likely to target human prey that can't run as fast. A small enough wolf population to be not too much a threat to human children would not have a significant impact on deer population.

A culled deer never sees the inside of an abatoir. They are out grazing right up to the very moment that it's all over which is frankly the best death it's possible to have.

Meanwhile in another corner of the universe there will be someone saying that their DD has moved in with their partner and has now decided to become a vegan.

The universe has to balance out - it's the law.

YABU. She was 12 when she went vegan. That's old enough to be able to manage a shopping budget and cook for yourself some of the time. And you made it hard work for yourself making separate meals, when you could have just made vegan versions of your usual meals instead. Non vegans eat plenty of vegan food every day, not everything you eat is meat or dairy or eggs.

If she was that committed to it at 12 she would have happily sorted her own food out at least some of the time. It sounds a bit like you martyred yourself.

Agree.

There may be other reasons she doesn't want to be vegan any more, and she may just be saying that to "save face" ? Although its not really a good reason.

You are being unreasonable as your daughter is growing and is pretty natural for a young individual changing habits or preferences for whatever reason. I think your irritation is mainly due to resentment for all the work you have done for her and you should work on getting over it as your daughter might change in any other ways you might have not predicted. Such is life.

Also, what is all this about eating vegan being bad for growing kids/teens? Diet doesn't have any effect on growth, development or intelligence- genes do.

The problem with a vegan diet is that it can be difficult (although possible) to get sufficient protein, as meat and dairy products are good sources of protein. Lack of protein can have significant detrimental effects on the growth and development of a child.

You shouldn’t have facilitated it in the first place.

she was just a kid, you did the right thing supporting her, don't resent her for being young and inexperienced. yes it's annoying she suddenly has no moral qualms but it's part of growing up.

incidentally why did you always cook separate meals? if the workload etc as too much, there's plenty of gorgeous vegan food you could have made for the family for half the week or supplemented with meat some nights.

That's kids for you- my daughter is now grown up with a kid and works in a v similar area to me only now appreciates how hard I worked as a single parent to care and provide for her and build me career

This issue isn’t unique to vegan diets though, any diet can be inadequate if it’s poorly planned. Plenty of meat eaters also fail to get enough protein or nutrients because they rely heavily on processed foods or unbalanced meals.A well planned vegan diet can provide plenty protein for children ( as you said legumes, tofu, tempeh, nuts, seeds, whole grains, and fortified products).

So the real issue isn’t whether a diet includes meat, but whether the person preparing the food understands basic nutrition and provides a balanced, varied diet.

I do find it interesting people take such a hard "veganism isn't healthy" stance but wouldn't bate an eye at some children or adults eating simply because it contains meat.m

I find the replies on here really very odd.

I have loads of veggie friends (not many vegan) who are now in their 50s having not eaten meat since adolescence. Why are people so dismissive of children having ethical views?

Even as a meat eater I find it odd that a woman who has not eaten meat for 14 years and no diary for a decade has, within the space of three months of moving in with a boyfriend, ditched her veganism. To me that sounds more like he doesn’t want to eat a vegan diet or has pressured her into changing. She’s not just ‘grown up’. She’s been an adult for 4 years.

No wonder the OP didn’t return when so many of the comments are scoffing at her naivety in supporting a child to do something she felt was important to her. Again, as a meat eater, it just feels like so many responses are just driven by anti-vegan sentiment which is not the issue the OP wanted to raise.

Yes this, I highly suspect the BF of some involvement here, as I put upthread, this exact scenario was the start of a relationship of ever increasing abuse for me!!!

Why is it prententious to avoid a category 1 carcinogen ?

My worry aswell

OP hasn’t said why her dd has switched back so we can’t assume it has anything to do with a sudden lack of understanding of the benefits of a vegan diet

I imagine her boyfriend is pushing this. If I was OP I’d be more concerned her dd is in a controlling relationship

I’d place an avocado, some lettuce and tomatoes on her plate and tell her you couldn’t be arsed faffing around making meals.

You’ve got to laugh Op. That is, as pps have said, kids for you.

If it wasn’t being vegan, it would be something else.

I do think it’s really important to show girls that they can be a bit awkward if they want to, and that their preferences and needs/ wants matter. It is annoying that she stopped doing it when she had to make the effort and go to the expense for herself, but hopefully you’ve taught her a good lesson, which is that she matters and should be heard.

Edit - although maybe not if she’s changing away from veganism to please her boyfriend!

She made a decision at the age of 12. Not sure why you think she should stick to it forever.

I decided to be vegetarian at the age of 13 and I'm still veggie years later, but I don't think any of us should be held to decisions that we made at that age for life!

But a vegan diet is cheaper?!
My DH eats meat and I spend about a quarter of our usual shopping bill when he is away. A can of chickpeas or kidney beans is a lot less money than a steak! Your DD’s reasoning for switching back to meat doesn’t stand up.

I became vegetarian and also didn’t eat fish. I didn’t fancy meat/fish after dissections at school. It would have been temporary but my Mum went round telling everyone it was just a phase. That annoyed me so I wanted to prove her wrong. I stay vegetarian for around 10 years. Until I discovered fake bacon. I ate it and thought this is dumb I should just eat a bacon sandwich if I want to.