To feel a bit annoyed that my DD is no longer vegan?

[stallionsun]

DD is 22, left home in October and moved in with her boyfriend.

She decided to become vegetarian at 8yo and at 12yo she decided to be vegan.

For 10 years I bought and cooked vegan food for her as she stressed it was so important to her. She knew what extra work and expense this was, having to cook separate meals every night, and the extra expense on my shopping bill.

She was away in her boyfriend's home country for Christmas and New Year, and we are only getting to see her now and they are coming over for dinner on Friday night.

I said I'd seen a lovely vegan recipe to make for her and she said "oh, don't worry mum, I'm not vegan any more, it was just too much faff to make a vegan meal every night, and it costs so much more"

Too much faff and costs more? you don't say?

AIBU to be irritated that she happily let me put in the effort for her to be vegan for 10 years which was apparently so important to her but the second she moves out, she ditches he beliefs because it's too hard for her?

OP, you are a better mother than me; when DD was about 11, she announced she wanted to be a vegetarian, I said no problem, I will just leave the meat off your plate. She seemed a bit puzzled and questioned me not cooking a vegetarian meal for her. I told her I wouldn't do that and she was quite welcome to cook her own. Surprisingly, her vegetarianism never took off.

How did you reply to her? Yes I know dear, as I’ve been cooking vegan meals for you for years!

As the vegetarian in our household, more often than not there are 2 different meals cooked in an evening, it's just become the norm and it never feels like it's that much of a faff. She may go back to it eventually.

That’s human nature, especially offspring, happy to do it if it’s been handed on a plate without any effort, when the hard work comes in, they pass.
I wouldn’t be annoyed with her.

Soft YABU because she was a kid and didn’t fully understand the impact that her being vegan made on you. Huge props to you for supporting her though - my mother always had that attitude that if you didn’t like what was put in front of you, you could starve. Fortunately she was a good cook, and to be fair she never made me eat fish (which I cannot stand) but I think that might be because she doesn’t really like it either haha.

I completely get where you’re coming from though. As an adult, I’ve had bouts of going off meat, particularly chicken, but I’ve usually been ok with beef and pork (something drier, like chops). I think the longest I went off it was about 6 months, I didn’t even want a steak (which I LOVED usually) and even the smell of bacon didn’t tempt me!

My husband is a huge meat-eater and doesn’t feel like it’s a proper meal without meat. He was overjoyed when I was first pregnant with our son, as I absolutely craved fried chicken and kept asking to go to KFC (his favourite). Then at 3 months, I completely went off all meat. The smell, the taste, the texture all made me sick. Around 10 months after our baby was born, I managed to force myself to eat a few bites of steak as I’d taken hubby out for a special meal for his birthday, but I absolutely hated it (he didn’t mind polishing it off for me!). But that’s literally the only meat I’ve had in the last almost three years as our son recently turned 2 and I still can’t stomach it now! Sometimes I think I could eat a bite of my hubby’s burger, or a leftover chicken nugget, but I get it near my mouth and it just makes me gag. So unfair!

So believe me when I say I understand your pain of constantly having to make two different meals to cater to different diets! Because my husband NEEDS meat and I can’t even eat something that’s bad meat in it. It’s not just the expense, the hassle and the time - it’s the extra washing up! Oh and our son is dairy free too due to an allergy so meal times really are great fun haha!

In a way it’s nice that your daughter now acknowledges how difficult and expensive it is to maintain one person’s dietary restrictions within a family who otherwise would eat the same thing, and perhaps she’ll appreciate you now even more for being her mum. :)

Ha, you are so not being unreasonable. I was about to blow my stack, though, when I read your thread title! I thought you were going to be some ghastly controlling parent who had brought their child up vegan and was annoyed that she had dared to leave that behind. I was about to let you have it with both barrels!
However, as annoying as it is, be thankful she has left that behind. It is a tedious lifestyle. I'm a reformed vegan and I cringe when I think about how insufferable I was!

Because it isn't healthy.

I'd be glad as I feel like prolonged veganism isn't necessraily the best for your health, especially if eating a lot of fakes like vegan cheese/meat

"good plain English food"

Sounds boring as hell 😆 I like a cottage pie or a toad in the hole or an apple crumble as much as the next person but did you never indulge in the odd lasagne? curry? A nice stir-fry with noodles?

Did you never eat fruit like pineapples, bananas, oranges?

Even my 1950s housewife grandmother cooked and ate all these things.

I can cook really cheap vegan food but dsd can’t or won’t eat any of it as apparently it disagrees with her (lentils, all beans except Heinz, tofu, quorn, mushrooms all make her “ill” so yes you cook multiple things equals costs more

As annoyed as me when....

• my son begged to do boxing. I signed him up for a two week trial then had to buy all the kit, the gym insisted on top of the range gloves and six month minimum monthly fees. And then he decided he didnt want to do it anymore after one more week and I was stuck in the contract with a load of kit.

• the season he tried rugby and in his first tournement I signed up as a helper and score keeper to show my committment but he forgot his mouthguard and couldnt play and went home, and I ended up helping out for pretty much a whole day at a tournement where I knew noone or the kids and then he gave it up aftet that.

• the time i watched a whole school production without him in it as him and his friend had purposefully had a fight so they would be sent to the heads office instead of having to take part.

• the time he begged for drum lessons and i paid for school lessons and the drum kit and books and then got a call frok the teacher after 8 weeks to say he had been twice..

So YANBU, ten years of cooking vegan food would be the last straw 😂

Of course you're right to be annoyed! You're a human being not a saint.

Oh dear - you’ll have to play the long game, wait until you have grandchildren and then persuade them to go vegan or whatever is the equally inconvenient fad of the future!

You are a wonderful mum ,for putting all that effort in to her diet
I remember going vegi at age 12 and being made to sit at the table regularly for 3 plus hours to eat cold chicken in sauce.
She will remember your support
Because I remember parents lack of support very clearly

I'd find this very odd as it really isn't any more effort to cook vegan food! Tomato pasta, veggie curry, jacket potato. Vegan food isn't weird and complicated, it's normal meals. It was harder work for you cooking different meals but for her surely its just cooking one meal.

Well done for supporting her for all those years, it's sad to read comments of parents saying they would not support this. Children can have strong ethical views too.

I am suprised she changed her eating habits so easily - as a vegan of 10 years and having learnt a lot about farming practices I could not imagine eating animal products now!

YABU for facilitating her

Why would you facilitate a 12 yo becoming vegan? 🤯

That’s madness imo and not something I would have supported my dd doing. My dd also decided to become veggie aged 8yo which was a faff but okay, vegan is way to restrictive for growing teens though.

If I were you I’d breathe a sigh of relief.

I became a vegetarian when I was 12. My DM said, fine, but I'm not cooking separate meals, you sort yourself out. And I did! It was absolutely great. I prepared all my own food and had no problem with doing so.

When I was 24 (don't say anything...) I had a real fancy for a sausage sandwich. I was married and that was 30yrs ago! So that was the end of that. I still don't like eating meat, but a sausage and I'm anyone's!

Maybe that's the approach you could have taken? Hindsight, of course. But, your DDs decision and that's its, really. We can all change our minds. I became veggie because I don't like the texture or taste of meat or fish. Maybe that is the same for your DD. But I do still like a sausage and no one will take that away from me now!

can you explain why not? Why is it madness?

@Egglio done my shopping today, 4 quarter pounders taste the difference beefburgers £5.25..........2 plant based ones for other son £4.50!

Well done for her for growing up and seeing some sense.

please watch the documentary “land of hope and glory Uk earthlings” on YouTube. It looks into the Uk meat industry and is absolutely heartbreaking. Billions of sentient animals are completely abused (and often killed) living in 1 metre cages they cannot turn around in. It’s disgusting. If people really understood the treatment of the majority of farmed animals in the UK they just would not chose to eat meat.

I’d be pissed off too

Still going to eat meat.

Quite. I mean, what kind of weak-minded person doesn’t stick to a decision she made when she was eight? Dizzy flippertigibbet! I expect she’s entirely forsaken her devotion to Dora the Explorer too. And after the weeks it took to find that satchel.