To feel a bit annoyed that my DD is no longer vegan?

[stallionsun]

DD is 22, left home in October and moved in with her boyfriend.

She decided to become vegetarian at 8yo and at 12yo she decided to be vegan.

For 10 years I bought and cooked vegan food for her as she stressed it was so important to her. She knew what extra work and expense this was, having to cook separate meals every night, and the extra expense on my shopping bill.

She was away in her boyfriend's home country for Christmas and New Year, and we are only getting to see her now and they are coming over for dinner on Friday night.

I said I'd seen a lovely vegan recipe to make for her and she said "oh, don't worry mum, I'm not vegan any more, it was just too much faff to make a vegan meal every night, and it costs so much more"

Too much faff and costs more? you don't say?

AIBU to be irritated that she happily let me put in the effort for her to be vegan for 10 years which was apparently so important to her but the second she moves out, she ditches he beliefs because it's too hard for her?

I guess they heavily rely on substitutes. I don't get it either. I was vegan for five years and that's decision we made when we were very short on money and simply couldn't afford things like meat and cheese. Most of our meals were vegetable curry of some description and we relied on beans and pulses for our protein. It was time consuming for sure but very cheap. Also, none of our friends and family turned their nose up at vegan food so I also don't understand the whole cooking a separate meal debacle. One can always stick some chicken breast in the air-fryer to add to whatever vegan meal is going for those who simply must have it.

This. It was a revelation to my eldest son that batteries, light bulbs and toilet paper didn't magically appear when you ran out and just how expensive and absolutely tedious they were to constantly replenish.

she said "oh, don't worry mum, I'm not vegan any more, it was just too much faff to make a vegan meal every night, and it costs so much more"

"Yes, hopefully you now appreciate the ten years that I spent faffing and spending a lot more, for you"

Well they may not have gad the alternatives there. Some countries are very anti vegetarian

however i would definitely have made her contribute to extra food costs and effort at home if the only veggie/vegan.

So she's grown up between the ages of 12 and 22yo?

Tbh I think ur kind of being unreasonable because that is genuinely funny! And tbf you were right to go with it while she was vegan, no reason to doubt her beliefs at that stage. She's older and wiser now! I'd be delighted she was no longer vegan for health reasons, but also as you have a great story to embarrass her with... Tho I'm sure u never will!!! Your revenge may come if one of her children in future is vegetarian or vegan!

Given the title I was fully prepared to hit the your being unreasonable button. As I thought you would be disappointed because you were vegan. But you are not and omg I would be ripping at all those years of effort.

I voted YABU because I wouldn't have done it all for her - I would have got her to help with the food prep, shopping and meal planning. Especially at 12! I already do this (to an age appropriate extent) with my 6 year old! They decide on a meal or two a week, help in the supermarket sometimes and often help me make things.

That being said, if this happened to me I would absolutely be pissed off! I think you'll have to just try to be proud that you supported your DD at the time.

She's your daughter. You should be proud you supported her in who she wanted to be.

(Even if it proves to be a pain in the arse.)

It's easy to do the diet you want when someone else is doing all of the graft.

There's no point in being annoyed. She should have been taking care of her own diet long ago really.

I don't understand why it had to cost more to include vegan options.

My mother stopped family cooking before I was 10yo so when I went vegetarian at age 14, of course I cooked for myself.

It was kind of you but not if you found it such a total PITA. There were choices.

Not quite the same but reminds me a bit of my ds(21) and his gf(21).

She wants to give up her competitive sport but her mum is not happy because she spent the money and time supporting her since she was very young.

I can understand feeling your effort was for nothing, but it wasn’t for nothing, it was supporting your child’s decisions at that time. The thing you need to remember is it’s not about you and the effort you have put in. Your dd is an autonomous individual now and she can’t base her future decisions on your past efforts.

Sorry OP but this did make me laugh.

Another one for the ‘Bloody kids, christ I need a drink’ hall of fame.

Why would you feed a child a diet which is unhealthy? You were the parent. Hopefully it's done no harm, but clearly she's realised it's a bad idea (especially for a growing child)

Haha this is hilarious, I mean not for you, totally understand why you are frustrated. But like a pp said, such a perfect example of the egocentric way children can be. And we also once didn’t have a clue about how much work goes into certain things. I’d say try to suck it up with a smile and she’ll likely reflect in the future.

My son did the same at almost the same ages but didn't go back to meat eating until he was in his 40's but I had about 8 years of cooking vegan but that's life.
It didn't bother me that I cooked his food all this time, it could have worse he could have had an eating disorder etc.

I became vegetarian when I was 15 it lasted for 5 years, looking back my mum must have been driven demented trying to cook meals for me, this was in 1990 no internet to find recipes. She never said a word and when I started eating meat again she never said anything then either.

What ? You think eating bits of dead carcass is healthy ?

My dd is about the same age and a veggie. I always said that if she wanted to go vegan she'd be on her own. Ie have to cook for herself.

I do regret not telling her to cook some of her veggie meals for herself - once a week would have been good.

If it’s really because you resent all the effort you’ve made, then you’re being a bit unreasonable. It’s not wasted effort to have supported and championed her at all stages of her journey to who she wants to be.

it’s really because you’re worried she’s giving up pieces of herself to accommodate a man, then YANBU, but there’s not a lot you can do about it.

I have facilitated my daughter’s vegetarianism, but have been clear with her that veganism is off the table unless she wants to start shopping and cooking for herself. Letting her be a vegan without her assuming any of the added mental burden was an error.

I think that your dd will have appreciated the respect you showed her as a child/ teen by accommodating her wish to be a vegan. You sound like a great mum.

I wouldn’t have entertained that nonsense at 8yo. They can have all their fussiness and quirky diets when they’re cooking on their own. This is exactly why.

I’d be annoyed too but that’s what kids do. It sounds like she’s eaten meat now so she might as well carry on. At least next Christmas she can have turkey with everyone else!

Cooking vegan food with actual protein in it, enough to consistently sustain a growing child/teen, is a massive pain in the arse and definitely more expensive than being vegetarian. Cheese is cheap (because dairy cows/calfs are treated like industrial products, ie with utter cruelty, for their whole lives - in many ways worse than meat imo)