To feel a bit annoyed that my DD is no longer vegan?

[stallionsun]

DD is 22, left home in October and moved in with her boyfriend.

She decided to become vegetarian at 8yo and at 12yo she decided to be vegan.

For 10 years I bought and cooked vegan food for her as she stressed it was so important to her. She knew what extra work and expense this was, having to cook separate meals every night, and the extra expense on my shopping bill.

She was away in her boyfriend's home country for Christmas and New Year, and we are only getting to see her now and they are coming over for dinner on Friday night.

I said I'd seen a lovely vegan recipe to make for her and she said "oh, don't worry mum, I'm not vegan any more, it was just too much faff to make a vegan meal every night, and it costs so much more"

Too much faff and costs more? you don't say?

AIBU to be irritated that she happily let me put in the effort for her to be vegan for 10 years which was apparently so important to her but the second she moves out, she ditches he beliefs because it's too hard for her?

Well, she eats what she’s given from now on when she visits. I wouldn’t be tolerating anything from her food wise.

Sorry OP this is such a funny post!

I think if it were me I'd not hide how gobsmacked I was - in a joking way, obviously. It's not worth being genuinely upset over.

No one cares. You do you.

Don't worry, I'm picking up my lovely pack of venison from a nearby farm this weekend.
Free life and quick death, totally ethical and cruelty free.

Exactly. It isn't. And would it have killed OP to eat a vegan meal a couple of nights a week? I'm not vegan myself but a lot of what we eat happens to be vegan (curries, stir fries, pasta etc.)

I don't think you get to kill something and call it "cruelty free."

Why did you allow her to insist that you cook vegan meals for her?
When I was 14 I told my mum I wanted to be a vegetarian. She said yes that was fine as long as I cooked for myself. I said no thanks!
When I left home at 18........ I had to cook for myself. Ive been veggie ever since. :)

Id have done the same as my mum tbh - if my kids now said they wanted to eat a totally different meal to the one Im serving up I would say "no worries as long as you cook it yourself"

I think these are some feelings to keep to yourself.

But, I never do understand people who say vegan food is more expensive. What are you buying? My chickpeas and tofu really aren’t adding up in the same way as butter and bacon these days!

I would not have allowed a growing teenager to be vegan under my roof. She can decide what she eats when she is the one buying the food.

I went vegetarian as a teenager, my mum was supportive but I had to do a lot of my own cooking, meal planning, help with shopping, etc. It was just the two of us at home, but when I visited my dad he and his wife had two young kids, I absolutely had to do my own cooking. It sounds like she's had it a bit too easy up until moving out.

This.
I wouldn’t have indulged her at extra cost to the family budget and more of my time.
Once she is cooking and paying for her own food, fine.

It isn’t

Hope dd isn’t just eating animals because her boyfriend does. It’s horrible for people to lose their identities because of partners

Agree.

It’s nonsense but a lot of people haven't got a clue what to cook and find it too daunting.

Vegan food is obviously cheaper but you need to make the effort to cook if all you’ve ever done is relied on meat as the main component of a meal. A lot of people just can’t be bothered

Well clearly they do... each to their own in what people eat

Why are you expecting her to stick with a life decision she made before she was even a teenager? She’s allowed to change her mind. Imagine if we all had to live our lives based on what we planned when we were twelve!

I am not vegetarian but sort of flexi ( DH and DD are veggie we don't cook meat at home) I don't like or want bacon sandwiches. In fact we haven't eaten processed meat since 2010 when it was found to be carcinogenic.

They care about abused animals, not about what you gobble.

My first thought was is this boyfriend controlling and pressuring her? To have anything that is so important to you for years and then quickly change, would ring alarm bells for me.

I had a friend years ago that completely changed her character, diet and looks within 6 months of moving in with a boyfriend. They had been together a few years before moving in and they seemed happy so we didn’t think that the changes were linked to the boyfriend, but it turned out he pressured her to change, including not being vegetarian anymore once they were living together. He was sweetness and light on the surface but turned out to be an abusive prick.

Not quite the same, but this reminds me of girls I knew at college who were "bi", but have never done anything with a woman beyond kissing and are now 100% straight and married to men 🤣 It's a trend, that's all.

In fact we haven't eaten processed meat since 2010 when it was found to be carcinogenic
God, how pretentious 🙄

I was so ready to say YABU until I read her comment, now the phrase I want tongues is no shit Sherlock!

Because @User0311will advocate for animal cruelty even on a thread that’s about children expecting a certain level of effort and financial commitment from a parent but who will not reduce harm when faced with the reality of cooking and shopping for herself

I'd not have cooked her vegan meals in the first place, if she was that committed 12 is old enough to start cooking.

The veganism is a bit of a red herring - the rule here is don’t pander to kids so much!

and also I hate it when women (yes I know men do it too but it pisses me off more when women do it) get a new boyfriend and suddenly do 180 turns from previous positions - dropping veganism, suddenly liking Morrisey and the like. They don’t need to do that shit to be a girlfriend, for crying out loud!

Agree with this

As a teenager, I wanted to be vegetarian. My Mum joked for years about how she made it clear dhe wouldn't facilitate it. I didnt find that funny. I felt it was dismissive and unsupportive

When my DS wanted to be vegetarian, I went along with it. And went along with reverting to meat when he decided to do that

It’s almost I’ve were learning that teenagers are prone to fads and fashions isn’t it?!