To feel a bit annoyed that my DD is no longer vegan?

[stallionsun]

DD is 22, left home in October and moved in with her boyfriend.

She decided to become vegetarian at 8yo and at 12yo she decided to be vegan.

For 10 years I bought and cooked vegan food for her as she stressed it was so important to her. She knew what extra work and expense this was, having to cook separate meals every night, and the extra expense on my shopping bill.

She was away in her boyfriend's home country for Christmas and New Year, and we are only getting to see her now and they are coming over for dinner on Friday night.

I said I'd seen a lovely vegan recipe to make for her and she said "oh, don't worry mum, I'm not vegan any more, it was just too much faff to make a vegan meal every night, and it costs so much more"

Too much faff and costs more? you don't say?

AIBU to be irritated that she happily let me put in the effort for her to be vegan for 10 years which was apparently so important to her but the second she moves out, she ditches he beliefs because it's too hard for her?

What a miserable take on being a parent.
Loads of aspects of parenting are frustrating and cost money.
How many parents spent a fortune on riding lessons, music lessons or sporting hobbies only for the child to stop doing that hobby in adult life? Maybe because its too much hassle or costs too much or simply because they've changed.
Or is this is different because it's about her vegan diet? So many people have a really weird attitude towards people who choose a vegan diet. They seem to take it as a personal affront.

THIS

There is also the fact that many vegans give up after 7ish years so she might have been ready to pack it in anyway? Out son did this and we just rolled our eyes but we’re glad that we supported him at the time and he could never claim that we didn’t

I'd have said : i wish you realised how much faff and money was involved sooner, it would have saved me a lot of faff and money!

Are you sure it’s not just a reflection on your cooking? I went vegetarian as my mums cooking was so dire. Lamb chops did it for me this one time. Bleeurgh. 😣😖Once I left home and started cooking food nicely, I enjoyed meat.

1st post nails it. My young adult DC has moved in with their dad, who works away, as its a shorter commute to a new job. The conversations have been so funny: it's so tiring cooking in the evening and clearing up, I had to do washing tonight, and then some ironing, it's dark when I get up. You would think noone had ever been through that!

I'm surprised at vegan food costing more than meat?! Mainly vegetable based/pure vegetarian diet is much cheaper than eating meat/dairy three times a day?

But anyway you provided the food she said she wanted when she wanted it so you did your job well. Her abandonment of veganism isn't her shunning you or your efforts to feed her what she likes.

Lots of people change from veggie, to vegan, to meat or pescatarian and back in their teens and 20s. Or even throughout their entire lives.

Why on earth would you indulge a 12 or even an 8 yr old in their fads and fancies.
A good diet with good plain English food was how I was brought up.

This

That is interesting my daughter is a pescatarian which is a massive inconvenience - not to mention expense as she loves prawns and salmon particularly. She does however often cook her own food so I can’t complain too much but def more expense that’s for sure. I wonder if she will continue doing it when she moves out.

Why would you be glad she’s not a vegan anymore?

My daughters meals are vegan and cost a lot less than mine!

Just to put a different spin on this. I was vegetarian for 20 yrs my then partner somehow manipulated into me not being veggie anymore . This was the start of a very abusive relationship, but anyone who asked me st the time I would have sounded like your DD. I’m now back vegan after leaving that very abusive relationship ( it got a lot worse)

What fun you must be at parties

I became vegetarian at 11. This was not a fad or fancy. Why would you force a child to eat something that causes them a lot of distress. Utterly ridiculous

YANBU to be really narked off about this @stallionsun How annoying! Bloody kids! 😆

My DD was vegan from 15-16, and was really judgy sometimes, and sneered and commented, and was very vocal about how disgusting it was that people drank milk, ate eggs, ate cheese etc etc... All through Uni she was a vegan, going on bloody marches and all sorts, and her boyfriend (that she met at 19) became a vegan too, and they were both quite preachy!

Relationship lasted 7 years, and she had been a vegan for 10 years at that point. She met a new man soon after she and her DP finished. He is a pescatarian. (Only meat he eats is fish, but he is not a vegan.)

All of a sudden, she dropped being a vegan - just like that! Cheese? Yes please? ...... Butter on your cream crackers? Yes! ........ Eggs? Yum yes, scrambled..... Black coffee? Cream in my coffee please!!! She claimed she dropped veganism as she was getting lots of colds and viruses and felt she needed more protein and shit. Errrr, OK then! 😆

Not gonna lie, it was a relief when she un-veganned herself!

Yanbu to be annoyed but this is partly on you.

When I went vegetarian at 14 my mum had good boundaries and said that she would cook a vegetarian meal for the family once a week, and would do something that it was easy to have as veggie&nonveggie options once a week (eg I could pull out a portion and add quorn just when she added meat to the rest) but the rest of the time my food would be my problem. I quickly learned how to batch-cook at weekends and had a system to sort out my dinner each of the 5 nights that wasn't sorted by my mum.

If you'd done something similar your DD would have quickly learned how much faff it was and you wouldn't have spent years martyring yourself for her loosely held beliefs.

My concern would be that the faff and cost argument is a smokescreen and that she has compromised her principles for the boyfriend and his family. And that would really annoy me.

Here we go.....

Yes. Humans evolved over millions of years eating "dead bits of carcass".

Always one isn't there?

Animals that would not have lived at all if everybody was vegetarian/vegan.

I wouldnt be happy if my kids became vegan.

Having catered for a vegan friend on occasion I say absolutey fair play to you! I think you should give yourself the most massive pat on the back/gold star for catering to her wishes. God knows how you did it day in and day out but you did. At no point can she say you didn't support her on her journey. She might sort of realise now what you did for her but I doubt she'll ever truly appreciate it (unless she has a child who demands a different diet) but honestly you will always know what you did for her.

I became veggie when I was young. I now feel bad about the extra work I put on my mother. I had such a strong conviction I couldn't bring myself to eat meat anymore.

My friend became vegetarian at 3. He was repulsed by meat, so it wasn't ideological. He's early 50 now and never changed.

With some people it's just a trend. My niece became vegan at 8, and said she had no idea why. She's not vegan anymore.