To feel a bit annoyed that my DD is no longer vegan?

[stallionsun]

DD is 22, left home in October and moved in with her boyfriend.

She decided to become vegetarian at 8yo and at 12yo she decided to be vegan.

For 10 years I bought and cooked vegan food for her as she stressed it was so important to her. She knew what extra work and expense this was, having to cook separate meals every night, and the extra expense on my shopping bill.

She was away in her boyfriend's home country for Christmas and New Year, and we are only getting to see her now and they are coming over for dinner on Friday night.

I said I'd seen a lovely vegan recipe to make for her and she said "oh, don't worry mum, I'm not vegan any more, it was just too much faff to make a vegan meal every night, and it costs so much more"

Too much faff and costs more? you don't say?

AIBU to be irritated that she happily let me put in the effort for her to be vegan for 10 years which was apparently so important to her but the second she moves out, she ditches he beliefs because it's too hard for her?

You should be proud you supported your dd with her ethical beliefs. The fact that she's given up now doesn't change the years of feeling valued and respected you've given her.

I wonder if OP will be back…

There are so many closet vegans and vegetables out there half of them are eating bacon sandwiches the other half wish they were (it's always bacon)

My son was vegan for a while but stopped when he was with friends at college and felt like he was missing out. He mostly went vegan because I was though. He still eats and cooks vegan at home but not at uni. Now he isn’t here I buy a lot less processed food so my meals are cheaper. He is watching what he spends and is buying less processed food, certainly not the vegan stuff, buys vegetable oil instead of good olive oil and no longer buys maple syrup both those were staples in our house.

Thank you for supporting her being vegan. Hopefully she may return to it at some point. It would have been good if you had taught her to make some cheaper vegan meals while she was at home. It doesn’t have to be expensive. I bet in part though it’s that her friends and bf eat differently.

I don’t believe vegan food is that hard and it’s definitely less expensive than meat.
Vegetarian family (exh was the only one who ate meat.) Our food bill was so much less than meat eating friends.

DS who was vegetarian his whole life then decided to become vegan at 16 and has stuck to it. He makes food for all of us
We made a veggie curry with all the left over veg a few nights ago. He makes stir fry’s chilli’s and soup and sandwich’s pasta and a vegan roast dinner made with mushrooms, nuts etc roast potatoes and veg A lot of it is rice or pasta and the rest is in 1 pan.

from a therapy pov I agree with this!

as a woman ie default cook I feel OP’s pain. I would probably try and fail to be silent and point that fact out - thus spoiling the whole sacrifice thing 😂

Yes! Totally!

Until they have taken full responsibility for running a household and getting meals on the table for their own children which are timely and nutritious, they can’t possibly appreciate what a faff it is to do another different meal on the side.

Your dd will appreciate your efforts given time op! Just give it another decade and a bit! 😀

This. You didn't have to say yes to a 12yo becoming a vegan in fact a lot of parents wouldn't on the basis it's pretty hard for a growing child to get everything they need from a vegan diet. If my child told me they wanted to be a vegan I'd say sure you can do what you like when you've moved out and are paying for and cooking your own food!

What's unhealthy about eating fruit, vegetables and pulses? I am not aware of any long term health effects from chicken nuggets and fish stick deficiency.

I would be breathing a massive sigh of relief.

Surely it's up to her what she eats.

Solidarity. My 21 year old was ridiculously fussy even within a vegan diet-for example, it had to be cavolo nero, not just kale!
I pandered to her until she went to university and now she’s no longer vegan-still vegetarian-and nowhere near as picky as she has to pay for it!

I would feel sad that she’s ditched her ethics/principles just for convenience. And it’s never been easier to be vegan than now.

Agreed. It's not the same but I do vegan January which often extends to Match or April and my meals are the cheapest. Veg curries and stews, rice and home made breads, roasted veg etc as opposed to fish and meat, eggs and cheese, yoghurt and such. When I lived alone I hardly ate meat (and I'm lactose intolerant anyway) but I cater for my family and fussy daughter is an out-and-out carnivore.

Still, I agree with previous posters, if my children decide they want to try a particular diet i d involve them in the process. My brother has been on a keto diet for 15 years and my food bill doubles when he's round for dinner!

I cook healthy vegan meals most nights as DD11 is vegetarian and DD9months has a milk and egg allergy. A lot of it is actually cheaper if you do it right, plenty of pulses, beans, veg etc. I don't understand why you found it so expensive tbh. On the nights I do eat meat ill do something that I can split like a pasta sauce, add meatballs to ours and do plain for DD. It doesn't need to be difficult.

If DD decides she no longer wants to be vegetarian then I'll support that too. She has no pressure to be one way or the other, she's a child and she's finding her way in the world. It's my job to help her do that and support her.

First post nails it.

As a youngster she had no idea what was involved.

You’re not eating enough protein though, I reckon.

I agree anyone can cook a nice vegetable dish. The difficulty in terms of faff comes when you try to make vegan food have enough protein- and crucially, to make that protein actually taste good. (And bear in mind OP was also cooking a separate meat meal too 😮)

The extra cost is partly related to that, and partly related to not many of us wanting to serve massively processed vegan ready meals every night to growing children.

Although the base protein ingredients are sometimes cheaper than meat (but not by much, when you factor in you need more per portion to get the same protein intake), it’s the ingredients and time required to cook it all from scratch and make it taste delicious that’s a PITA. (I’ve nailed it now though, thinking of writing a cookbook 😉)

For eg I make a genuinely indistinguishable lasagne with soy mince - but it requires nearly a bottle of red wine, porcini powder, slow cooked caramelised onions, raw cashews and silken tofu, plus standard bechamel, and a fair amount of time to make it.

I also spent a ridiculous amount of time researching and testing different recipes, because I was a good (family) cook before we went vegan and I couldn’t bear to be a shit vegan cook. I like food!

Bloody kids! I would be 🙄🙄🙄

I’m not sure why people are saying “ah, kids” as if she wasn’t 22 when she moved out. How has she never planned, shopped or cooked her own meals?

But I completely understand your frustration OP.

But fewer of the normal items; less meat etc.
So shouldn't be more expensive, but cheaper.

DD went veggie in her teens - I was fine with that as I was pescatarian for a long time but we were meat-eating again as a family. However, I did say I wasn’t going to facilitate a vegan diet snd if she wanted that she could sort herself out!
I think the veggie phase lasted a couple of years until she decided at uni that it was easier to eat meat.
Honestly teens/young adults are clueless if they’re being provided for.

You didnt do anything wrong as such OP but this is a general comment, based on society in general but certainly what I see on here, we facilitate fads and 'wants' for children far far too much, all couched in terms of 'meeting needs' and respecting choice and centering the child.

Households are running along to the demands of little caesars half the time.

I just told DH ( who is a vegetarian though not vegan) about this and he laughed. He would have found this funny. I said I definitely would not have found it quite as funny as he did, though it is a bit amusing it would be tempered with some mild annoyance for me.

However, thinking about it, I know I just would not have done this for DS. He chose to be was vegetarian for a few years and that was OK, particularly became DH is too but I just would not have supported the vegan option if the shopping and cooking had been primarily my responsibility. I know this because I refused to do all the shopping,. planning and cooking for my vegetarian DH when we met. This was partly becaue I found it more work to plan and cook vegetarian, let alone vegan, so he ended up responsible for the food.

DH would have supported a desire to be vegan, I am pretty sure and since DH has always done all the food planning, shopping and the majority of the cooking since we met 27 years ago, it probably would have happened, even if I wasnt keen. Luckily DS would never have given up cheese so veganism was not an option.

This difference in reaction between me and DH does tell you a lot about our differences in the type of parent we are though. I am considerably more selfish than DH is

That is children for you op.

Vegetarian my whole life. Never once covered a bacon sandwich. Not even while cooking it for my family.

People make such heavy weather of being vegetarian/vegan. It’s really not a big deal. And @stallionsundo you think she should be a vegan forever just because you cooked some tofu when she was a teenager?