Young nanny should be energetic, no?

[OnePoisedLilacEagle]

We recently hired a part time nanny for our DD who is four. She's a young woman, early 20s, good references, experienced, pleasant enough. She looks after DD three days a week. I usually work from the office those days but have occasionally worked from home so I have some insight into what's happening.

Issue is she has the energy of someone running on 2% battery at all times. She's extremely lethargic. Park time consists mostly of her sitting while DD runs around like an overly caffeinated squirrel. Activities are very much the "observe from a distance" kind. Even crafting is mostly her handing supplies and letting DD get on with it while she scrolls on her phone. When I suggested maybe playing a game outside, she smiled and said she prefers to "supervise calmly" rather than get involved unless needed.

Nothing is unsafe. But it is very passive. What also worries me is the lifestyle mismatch. She's a very unhealthy eater. Her lunches are usually instant noodles, energy drinks, or crisps sometimes all in the same sitting. DD has now started asking if she can have "nanny lunch" and I'm dying inside a bit. I've never commented on what she eats, but it does seem to reflect her general low energy approach to everything.

DD is absolutely climbing the walls by the time we get home, like she's been storing up chaos all day. It feels like I'm paying for someone who seems to think engagement is an optional extra.
I expected someone young doing childcare, even part time, to be a bit more energetic and involved. I don't want a nanny doing a bootcamp workout in the playground, but a pulse above "mild hibernation mode" would be nice.

AIBU to think her age and being hired specifically for childcare should equal at least some actual interaction and enthusiasm? Is it time to have words with her about expectations? I am comfortable having the conversation but also don't want to be unrealistic about what is expected of a nanny, as I've never had one before.

She just sounds like a poor fit for your family. I wouldn’t care about her eating habits, but a nanny who refused to play wouldn’t work for us.

What was the job spec?
At minimum shouldn't it include 'no random phone use' whilst in charge?

I suggest you review and be clearer about expectations, and if things don't change then find a different nanny.

I wouldn’t be happy with her being on her phone whilst supervising. She should be engaged at least

Hi OP,
For professional advice, you are probably best placed to post this on the ‘paid childcare’ section of MN.

Yanbu though - she’s lazy.

She shouldn’t be scrolling on her phone and she should be taking your child out and providing enrichment.
What was discussed before she started the job? Because time outside would be non-negotiable, but it doesn’t sound like she’d do it even if she agreed and you’re not there to make sure. Sack her and find someone else.

You need to talk to her about expectations - it should have been discussed before she started really but its not too late now.

And phones are a no no surely?

Presumably she's cooking nutritious food for your child - i wouldn't be worried about what the nanny eats really.

A lot depends on how much you are paying her (eg is she being paid considerably under the market) but scrolling on the phone in front of the child would be a no starter for me. I personally wouldn’t approve of crisps or energy drinks consumed in front of my child (this wouldn’t happen in a good nursery for example)

We worked with an agency but to be fair, I don't think any job spec is going to say things like "don't wear a string bikini" or "don't randomly be on your phone all day". This just seems like common sense!

I think giving her a list of expectations is in order, although it feels slightly ridiculous to tell her things like "don't sit at the playground, engage with child" 🤣🤣🤣

She sounds lazy and not really engaged. Her meal choices wouldnt bother me, but the scrolling on the phone and not wanting to interact and play games would.

I've no problem with her diet but it does influence my child. Example we don't really eat crisps as part of a meal, we have them as a snack. So i don't want DD to start thinking crisps are an everyday food, if that makes sense?

The string bikini would really bother me. Not appropriate at all. Your heating must be set very high.

I think YABU to assume that young = energetic. That way age discrimination lies!

But you are absolutely not unreasonable to be unhappy with the way she is caring for your child. At the minimum she should not have her phone out the vast majority of the time, she should be actively playing with, and closely supervising, your child.

Scrolling on her phone is unacceptable but most nannies eat with the child and set a healthy example.

You say your child is actively running around at the park which surely is the requirement? I can see why she thinks being a calming influence is best. It’s also normal for young children to still be climbing the walls later especially when they haven’t seen their parents all day.

That said, if she’s not the right fit for your family, get another nanny.

True! My mother, who looks after DD one day a week, is more energetic than me!

I would be very disappointed by this level of engagement and would be looking at other childcare options.

I would expect a nanny to eat WITH my child, modelling good behaviour at the table, itswim? Maybe iabu in thinking this.

She really doesn't sound like a good fit for your family, if I were paying a nanny, I would expect them to at least attempt to tire out my child.

It’s not an age thing; it’s a profession thing.

I’d expect a nanny in her 50s, 60s, 30s, whatever to be energetic if their charge is FOUR!

I’d be sacking her though.

If you've witnessed this behavior, you can guarantee her behavior is much worse when you're in the office. She sounds awful. A nanny should of course be energetic, should actively engage with your child (eg not always sit on the bench in the playground), or scroll on her phone whilst handing crafting material to your child. The phone would be a complete no from me. You're not paying her to sit passively in the room to ensure your child is still alive at the end of the day. You're paying her to play with and entertain and engage with your child. To build a positive rapport with her.
I'd have a stern talk about expectations and if nothing changed, I'd look for someone new.

Mine is in her 40s and has bags of energy, I don't know how she keeps the pace going all afternoon. She takes them out whatever the weather, makes up games, she makes boring things like teeth brushing very energetic and fun. I have the opposite problem that the toddler is sometimes too hyped up when I take over.

And she leaves her phone by the door when she arrives!

Did you have a trial or probation period written into the contract? In your shoes I would look for another provider.

I don't think you can say "Don't sit down at the park." When I used to take my kids, I used to interact loads as well as having a rest at times since I didn't have the energy of a 4yo!

I would have a chat. Ask her if she can interact more, ask for no phone, phone kept in bag unless expecting an important call. Request that she does not eat/ drink blah blah and blah in front of DD and discuss what she may like to eat instead. Maybe you could buy it in for her eg. If she likes mango or yoghurts or bacon sandwiches, maybe she can have it with DD. What experience does this girl have? Most nurseries would not permit phones.

I don’t agree with phones at work- you’re on paid time, not your own. It’s also a safeguarding issue.

She isn’t right for your family either. Lazy git.

You are a bit unreasonable here.

Age has nothing to do with fitness and energy for a start.

More importantly, of course job spec do specify if you want a very active nanny, expect a lot of outdoor and active time.

It might be obvious to YOU (and to me 😂) but look at how many posters scream in horror at the idea of kids doing clubs, activities, sports, going outside everyday because they are convinced children should sit quietly indoors doing quiet craft and learn to be bored.

Some families even prefer a boy nanny (or au-pair) because they want someone to play football and games pretty much all day long with their boys.

Being active is not common sense at all.

Yes the nanny should be playing with your dd. Equally It’s good for children to learn to play by self - so to run about in park not an issue / as long as nanny is watching her and not ignoring / on phone whole time

same at home. Leave stuff for an activity. And let child explore /play - just not all the time by self and nanny can sit there and interact

yes shouldn’t be on phone all the time. I wouldn’t have issue with odd text sent /replied to

diet / as a nanny I’ve always eaten with the children and had the same thing. Whether sarnie - Jacket - pastas etc

in the end she doesn’t sound a good fit

did you discuss activities at interview

what age groups was her previous jobs ? Is she a qualified nanny ?

I don't think having another chat would be that useful - it would just delay the inevitable. When you've suggested she play with your child, she said she preferred to supervise. It just sounds like it's a poor fit for both of you. I'd do whatever you need to do contractually to end the arrangement, and look for a nanny that's a better fit for your family.

I think i’d let her go. Scrolling on her phone whilst handing your Dd craft material is terrible, why isn’t she sat doing it with her and as a pp said, that’s when you’re present to witness it, nah wouldn’t be right for me