Dh has a drink every night. I don’t think it’s ok. AIBU?

[Toomuchboooze]

DH is having a tough time at work at the moment. And, every day, he either has a can of beer or a glass of wine with dinner. He would have a gin and tonic but he drank it all. He will literally drink whatever we have.

He gets very defensive if I talk about it, and I think minimises it.

But it’s every night now and one can or one glass of wine.

I’m not talking to him about it again as it just makes us argue or he gets defensive and I hate arguing.

But AIBU that it’s too much? Or is that fine? He’s in his early 50s.

One a night, seems fine.

ONE glass or ONE beer, it’s his body and his life, let him get on with it. I might not be optimum health wise but it’s hardly the end of the world.

One glass of beer or one glass of wine each night is next to nothing. He’s within the weekly recommended limits, unless he’s drinking from a massive wine glass.

He also complains about his disturbed and poor sleep endlessly and I’m sure this contributes! But i don’t say that because he’ll get defensive.

He has terrible sleep hygiene, doesn’t exercise, has no real social life outside of our family, and is stressed at work. It all just seems so unhealthy.

Very very controlling

If he has to have a drink every single night then yes it is a problem

If he can't do without it, it's a psychological issue (with the possibility of escalation). If he can take it or leave it, it's not a problem, but (even though it's a small amount) he should have some alc-free days.
Are you certain he's not sneaking some more on the side?

One beer or glass of wine with dinner is not a problem!

One drink a night isn’t much of a problem.

In that case, I’d say his one drink a night is the very least of his problems.

125 ml of wine a night is within the limits. But is that what he's having? His defensiveness is very telling. And his lifestyle sounds incredibly unhealthy.

One a night isn’t a huge amount although ideally one or two days without would be better

the poor sleeping is more likely a result of work stress and lack of exercise

rather than focus on the alcohol - what needs to change to help him live a better life? Can he afford to change jobs? Do you work - can you fund bills from your wage? What other help can you give him ?

I assumed you were going to say he was drinking a lot, but one glass of wine or can of beer is not inf to worry about! I think you’re being very unreasonable.

One drink?? It's fine. Stop being so controlling.

Is it defensiveness? Or is it that he's pissed off at OP for banging on about a single glass of wine a night, which is perfectly reasonable and normal?

What’s sleep hygiene?

One glass doesn’t seem a problem.

I dont think a small glass of wine every night is normal. I don't think zero exercise is normal.

Staring at his phone until his eyes close in bed and then picking it up when his eyes open in the morning and through the night! Not getting exercise etc etc.

Thank you everyone - I don’t drink so never know if I’m being unreasonable when it comes this.

I have mentioned it to him before but don’t anymore as I don’t like arguing so I’m not controlling him!

One a night - fine. It's when one creeps up to four or five that it becomes rather more of a problem. The other things sound altogether more of a concern tbh. Is the work stress due to something time-limited (project or similar)?

Partly depends on the size of the glass. But more than that it depends on whether he can do without it. It’s generally seen as being a good idea to have a minimum of a day or two alcohol free.
If he is drinking a small glass of something as he enjoys it then I wouldnt worry too much. But if he’s relying on it as a crutch then that’s a problem.

I wouldn't be ok with it, especially as it seems he is using alcohol to cope with stress or relieve it. An occasional drink for leisure is very different to drinking everyday, especially since the impact of regular consumption are well evidenced in science.

Can he take a night or two off? If not, I think you’re right to be concerned.

My partner must have a drink every day. He has had to have something every day as long as I’ve known him, which in itself is a problem as he simply cannot go without. It is an addition, no doubt. And the amounts have crept up from initially low nightly amounts over the years. Twenty years on and it’s still nightly, but quite a bit more. I cannot remember the last day he didn’t have a drink - he can have flu but it doesn’t affect the drink.

All this started with half a glass of wine a night.

Not arguing with someone dont mean you cant be controlling.