Dh has a drink every night. I don’t think it’s ok. AIBU?

[Toomuchboooze]

DH is having a tough time at work at the moment. And, every day, he either has a can of beer or a glass of wine with dinner. He would have a gin and tonic but he drank it all. He will literally drink whatever we have.

He gets very defensive if I talk about it, and I think minimises it.

But it’s every night now and one can or one glass of wine.

I’m not talking to him about it again as it just makes us argue or he gets defensive and I hate arguing.

But AIBU that it’s too much? Or is that fine? He’s in his early 50s.

Poor guy. Having a hard time a work, and then gets a hard time at home with you nitpicking over perfectly normal behaviours.

It’s only one drink and he’s having it with food so it’s fine. It’s no different to someone having a little bit of chocolate every evening after dinner or whatever they see as a treat. It would be different if he’s getting drunk every night. You have to have some willpower to pour a glass of wine and then put the bottle away, I’d be tempted to have another glass!

One drink a night is what I have, though I do have 1 alcohol free day a week.

I’m not stopping him or mentioning it so how am I being controlling?

And wonder why their men up and leave, its like living with ya mum all over again.

My neighbour has at least 2 glass full of wine when she gets home.
My sister has about 3 every night, shes not a drunk.

Leave him be. You sound a bit controlling.

Unless you’re manipulating, forcing, threatening, belittling (etc.) him you’re not.

It’s another word that seems to have lost all meaning on here.

@Toomuchboooze if it's one drink a night that's not so bad. He has the ability to stop at one.

I'd be more worried about his lack of exercise and phone obsession.

Can you not watch something together in the evening and ask he puts his phone away?

I have a glass of wine most nights but just one and I also a lot and have hobbies. I dont spend much time on a phone.

Guidelines suggest that, even if he is under the recommended amounts, which it sounds like he is close to, there should be non drinking days every week. Sounds like he is using alcohol as a crutch which is potentially very worrisome. His attitude to it is very concerning too, he sounds very defensive. You are not being unreasonable at all but on MN people will passionately defend drinking too much or in unhealthy ways.

The volume of alcohol in itself isn’t the problem. One glass a night is unlikely to create physical harm, although any level of alcohol poses some risk.

What would worry me is the reliance on it as part of the routine, which is could lead to dependency. If he uses it as a crutch to cope with stress it’s much more likely this will happen. Plus the defensiveness.

I read somewhere recently that what defines a problem drinker is when the drinking poses a problem for loved ones. By this metric it is a problem. I think you have to have a serious, cards on the table discussion about it and see where it goes.

I'm surprised and I'm not a troll hunter whatsoever.

Maybe it says more about me that I think someone thinking one alcoholic beverage a day was problem drinking/alcolholism could only ever be fake.

Is he depressed?

You won't get a very balanced view on here @Toomuchboooze I have seen threads where people say that necking 1.5 bottles of 15% white wine, 5 or 6 times a week is perfectly OK. 🙄

In the real world NO-ONE thinks drinking alcohol every night is normal, or healthy. Even 'just one.'

You would also have got different responses and a different poll result if you'd posted this at around 11am.

Also @Toomuchboooze is it really just one every night?

You said every time you talk to him about it he gets a defensive and you have arguments, so how are you not mentioning it?

Completely wrong. Vast numbers of people think it's entirely normal.

I’m guessing it’s actually more than 1, he’ll be sneaking more in somewhere along the line. And if he hasn’t yet, he will. Has he always liked a drink or is this new? It’s a slippery slope is all I will say.

They are both way over the limits to minimize harm from drinking and using alcohol in an unhealthy way. FWIW alcoholics rarely look drunk. Doesn't make their alcohol use any better. People on MN have really uninformed ideas about alcohol.

Vast numbers of people think it's not too.

And it really isn't.

I think one can or one glass of wine* with dinner is ok.

It is when it is a glass before, during and after that it’s creeping up to be too much.

• Not one if those giant glasses with half a bottle of wine in them.

Yep. The way some posters normalize drinking so much/every night, like it's fine/normal/OK is really worrying. No wonder the NHS is on its knees. And these same posters will be the ones who bash and berate people who are overweight, for being the ones who cost the NHS money. 🙄

Thats your opinion. It's nothing more than that.

I’ve been drinking too much for a year - pretty much every day, certainly one middle sized pub glass, often more like a large one. It’s crept up. I never used to do it. It absolutely has become a habit, and perhaps a crutch. BUT I am doing dry January and I’ve not missed it at all.

i think the health evidence is clear - even a glass of wine a day is a BAD THING. This year, it’s felt the right compromise - we do bad things sometimes to compensate for even worse stuff. But I (and perhaps your DP too) need to stop… but, nobody but me could have made me stop, that’s what’s tough for those watching…

Lol. Fantasyland.