Dh has a drink every night. I don’t think it’s ok. AIBU?

[Toomuchboooze]

DH is having a tough time at work at the moment. And, every day, he either has a can of beer or a glass of wine with dinner. He would have a gin and tonic but he drank it all. He will literally drink whatever we have.

He gets very defensive if I talk about it, and I think minimises it.

But it’s every night now and one can or one glass of wine.

I’m not talking to him about it again as it just makes us argue or he gets defensive and I hate arguing.

But AIBU that it’s too much? Or is that fine? He’s in his early 50s.

It’s certainly true that most alcoholics started off drinking small amounts. That doesn’t mean that everyone drinking small amounts is on the way to becoming an alcoholic.

Most bank robbers drive cars. That doesn’t mean that anyone who learns to drive is on the way to becoming a bank robber.

Well, I'm sure exactly what he needs when he's having a tough time is for his wife to judge his lifestyle and criticise him for having one drink with his meal in the evening. Now he gets to feel like he's failing at work and at home. That's definitely going to motivate him to get healthy.

I totally disagree with everyone on mumsnet it seems. You are supposed to give your liver at least a couple of alcohol free days a week. Seems like all the mums must be having a glass of wine very night. 😂

Absolutely, my family are Mediterranean, a glass of wine with their lunch or evening meal each day was the norm. One small glass, my grandparents all lived into their nineties.

as I’ve said a few times, I would bet good money some people screaming this is an issue are sitting their fat after eating too much sugar or fat and do so daily.

pick your poision, one drink a day is fine.

I think these are bigger issues than a glass of wine with dinner.

FWIW I have something chocolatey every afternoon. It’s not a great habit but I’m not willing to change it

One a day isn't terrible and within the 'safe' number of units allowed a week. However, if he feels like he NEEDS it to unwind/relax that is potentially an issue that could escalate into more problematic drinking.

Tbf I didn't include this in my post, but my husband also got very stressed by work and used alcohol to wind down from it (while denying he was doing so or that there was any problem).

I'm sure OP knows lots of people who drink routinely but don't trigger her 'I should worry' radar. The fact that her DH is triggering that radar should tell us something.

OP, what happens if you leave alcohol on display? Does he drink it because it is there? Also, what happens if you let the alcohol stockpile go to zero? I used to have to hide any alcohol I wished to drink personally as I knew my husband would drink it if he knew it was there.

How do you know that? Your post is also very contemptuous and offensive, basing your stereotypes on nationality. You are criticising cultural attitudes toward alcohol.

Au contraire. It’s weird how frequently the lip-pursing about alcohol consumption features on Mumsnet, and it’s astonishing how many lips are pursed. It’s not normal, but it’s very normal on Mumsnet.

In the real world, it’s just part of being a grown-up. Like taxes and sex and deciding your own bedtime.

I say this as the OH brings me a very chilled Sauvignon. On a Thursday. Imagine.

Hundreds of years? Try millennia.

I'm French. We find the British attitudes to alcohol as bizarre are they are funny.

And actually, those southern european cultures are changing their drinking cultures due to improved understanding of the harms it causes people. I posted before but 30% of the population of France is considered to be drinking to a harmful degree. In the UK its about 18%, most of whom seem to be on here, justifying their alcohol consumption.

Yeah I am going with the World Health Organization on this one, not some random thing from pub med.

https://www.who.int/europe/news/item/04-01-2023-no-level-of-alcohol-consumption-is-safe-for-our-health

I think the phone in bed is a bad idea. DH does this and falls asleep. If he wakes during the night will watch it again. I've read that it's bad for you.

It’s weird how frequently the lip-pursing about alcohol consumption features on Mumsnet, and it’s astonishing how many lips are pursed.

I've been thinking the same @WalkDontWalk . My circle of family and friends aren't big drinkers or frequent pub-goers, so I'm not here defending getting tipsy every night or binge drinking. But I simply don't come across anyone with the kind of puritan attitudes towards alcohol that I see in quantities on Mumsnet.

There are an awful lot of poe-faced fun sponges on MN who delight in exaggerating risk, tutting and expressing faux concern over perfectly normal behaviours. Maybe it makes them feel superior? I doubt they’re all the paragons of virtue they present as.

You may not call it being a drinker but it does make you a drinker. Because you’re literally drinking alcohol every day.

Couldn’t agree more. My best mate is now 85 and had one martini in the evening since the 1960s. It was her ‘unwinde’ as a mother of young kids. So yes she IS dependent on it. However she is more than happy to be so. Has no alcohol related health issues, in fact no health issues whatsoever.

As for the OP . I would advise her to leave him be. You are his wife not his mother ! Stop dictating how grown adults manage their lives especially when it does no one any harm

Well I've just had blood tests because of the meds I'm on, liver and kidneys. I'm fine and I enjoy my wine. So I shall say I'm not concerned. It takes the edge off the pain of arthritis. Heck I've considered cannabis lately. A glass of milk and a brownie at bed time sounds good some nights.

@MrsChristmasHasResignedypu do realise that PubMed is simply a place that collects all the peer reviewed, published studies into one place?! The studies that the WHO base their recommendations on!? I’m not saying a GP would prescribe a glass of wine a day now, I was simply sharing my experience that not too long ago GPs did recommend it and there is evidence that it does have some cardiovascular benefits.
Personally I’d rather read the research, all sides considered, rather than missing the nuances. But that’s me - you have your own ideas and beliefs.