Dh has a drink every night. I don’t think it’s ok. AIBU?

[Toomuchboooze]

DH is having a tough time at work at the moment. And, every day, he either has a can of beer or a glass of wine with dinner. He would have a gin and tonic but he drank it all. He will literally drink whatever we have.

He gets very defensive if I talk about it, and I think minimises it.

But it’s every night now and one can or one glass of wine.

I’m not talking to him about it again as it just makes us argue or he gets defensive and I hate arguing.

But AIBU that it’s too much? Or is that fine? He’s in his early 50s.

Well good for you but my life turned into a living hell because one glass of wine a night escalated. My ex eventually went into recovery but twenty years later I can still feel ill with the memories of it.

I think you’re being very unreasonable. I have the equivalent of tha but spread over the weekend! You sound a bit controlling and as an adult able to make his own choices, I would let him decide.

But that's exactly what you are...a drinker!

The hypocrisy and denial of some people on here is truly outstanding.

Glad I gave you a good laugh, but I don’t feel like laughing when I see what alcohol has done to my dad. And he started off with just one glass of wine a night. I’m astonished at the number of people on this thread who think this is normal. It’s not. I think a lot of people are in denial.

It’s nothing! My DH has 7+ cans of beer and some vodka&coke every night!

This. Alcohol is an addictive substance, no matter how we like to dress it up. Drinking it every day is a slippery slope and addiction doesn’t discriminate.

One a night? Max 25 units per week? If you were to take him to a substance abuse service they’d laugh you out of the door.

I actually can't believe how many posters are saying a drink every night is ok.
It is not ok to drink every night. Using alcohol to help relieve stress is a problem. Having a drink every night to help with that stress is alcohol dependency.

It's such a slippery slope, all non functioning alcoholics were once functioning alcoholics.

OP I would really try to get your DH to have some alcohol free evenings. And please don't let anyone tell you that you are controlling for worrying about your DH's alcohol consumption. You are not. Trust me, I have seen too many cases of "just one wee drink in the evening' become a serious problem.

I was raised by alcoholic parents so one drink a night sounds fine to me

You say this so lightly and with an exclamation mark as though it is wryly amusing. Aren't you horrified and worried?

Yes I know. But if my loved one were trashing their body and wellbeing every night with alcohol, I wouldn't just stay quiet.

That is exactly the justification people use to drink everyday. In reality, there are several mediating factors such as overall health, diet, lifestyle, climate, familial history of illness, that would determine to what extent drinking everyday is 'beneficial'. Because in reality, no amount of alcohol is good.

Alcohol Is awful for disrupting sleep. It might assist is sending you to sleep but it doesn’t keep you asleep. Yes, one drink probably isn’t going to turn you into an alcoholic but it only exacerbates sleep problems. Now the one drink is a habit he needs to break and replace with something else.

It feels like a slippy slope to me. Could you start walking together? This may incentivise him to clean up his lifestyle.

A slippery slope to what? He's a middle aged man. If he was on a slippery slope he would have slipped wherever he's slipping to by now.

@Chickenwing2 I don’t know of anyone who drinks daily.

I don’t know many people who don’t.

I don’t know anyone who regularly drinks during the week let alone everyday. It’s not normal but it’s very normal on Mumsnet.

It might be helpful to think with him how you can support him with the work stress. If there’s any changes that can be made to lessen this. As the wanting a drink, lack of socialising and motivation to exercise seem to be all symptoms of the stress.
Can he change his hours/ look for another job/can you adapt your job?

7 drinks a week is not tons but the inability to have a day without alcohol and the using it to cope with stress is concerning. And I don’t think worrying about your partners health makes you controlling!

Why is it concerning though? We all have things that help us unwind at the end of the day. If his thing is a single alcoholic drink why does that concern you? It's not causing him any health or social issues, it's not indication of a developing addiction, it's just a thing he likes to do to unwind: why is it a concern?

One glass of wine a night is fine. My grandad has been having one glass of red wine a day for the last 20 years as recommended for his doctor for his heart health.
if that is literally all he is having then yes, it’s fine. Poor guy sounds like he is struggling at the moment. Maybe look at if there is anything you can do to support him or change things rather than nagging and nitpicking.

Christ it's one drink 🍻 it's not like his swigging bottles of whiskey 😂 😂 oh that's right it's beer so it must be a alcoholic it's fine when people drink bottles of wine a day because that's posh but your automatically a alcoholic if it's beer

But it's fine if you calling it mummy wine time or whatever hey? It only ever seems to be a problem when it's beer but everyone will make excuses for wine when they'll drink way more of that a day

yanbu op. Is it def just the one? I think more than once or twice a week is a problem tbh.