Dh has a drink every night. I don’t think it’s ok. AIBU?

[Toomuchboooze]

DH is having a tough time at work at the moment. And, every day, he either has a can of beer or a glass of wine with dinner. He would have a gin and tonic but he drank it all. He will literally drink whatever we have.

He gets very defensive if I talk about it, and I think minimises it.

But it’s every night now and one can or one glass of wine.

I’m not talking to him about it again as it just makes us argue or he gets defensive and I hate arguing.

But AIBU that it’s too much? Or is that fine? He’s in his early 50s.

This is just not true.

no GP would ever recommend alcohol under any circumstances.

A standard bottle of wine contains 9-10 units of alcohol, and lasts me a week.

The Chief Medical Officer recommends that adults do not drink more than 14 units a week, spread evenly over 3 or more days. So I'm really not concerned about my small glass of wine with my dinner, and I'm bemused by the horror from other posters.

My GP recommended a glass of red wine, too. But like that poster's grandfather, it was some time ago.

One a day is absolutely fine. To be honest, in many cultures it’s completely usual to drink a couple of glasses of wine with every evening meal and they’re healthier nations than us! I think Brits have an unhealthy relationship with booze because we tend to binge 1-2 days a week rather than drinking 1-2 glasses a day really.

Anyway, I’d leave off him unless it worsens and he develops a bigger habit.

My husband started like this - I was uncomfortable but told I was a prude and to stop being odd, that it's normal British culture etc. His intake escalated so that he'd drink anything in the house and I was finding spirits hidden in the garage. Couple of stints with AA, which he stopped going to because he was clearly fine ("other people drink way more than me!"). We separated last year following his second alcohol-related injury that year.

So yeah, I'd be concerned. Good luck (and avoid AA, if anything they inadvertently made our situation worse)

If you want to work with him to be happier/healthier I'd leave the alcohol and focus on the sleep and lack of exercise. The fact he stops at one drink indicates he can manage his intake.

I also can’t understand the concern. Are you saying you have no habits to help you unwind. As said earlier, I’d absolutely put money on some posters pointing out their concern over something so minor, are over weight and consuming too much sugar daily in the form of crisps, chocolate, biscuits etc, many many people have vices, and one glass of something a day is very minor, doesn’t mean he will turn into an alkie any more than someone who enjoys a biscuit after dinner, will turn into someone morbidly obese.

Surely it’s not about if she wants to work with him, it’s if he wants her help. I’d be royally fucked off it my husband decided he was going to work with me on something I had no desire to have him help me with.

Erm… actually @Chickenwing2 it IS true! It’s my grandfather and I was at the appointment. Not entirely sure what you want me to say! There have been many studies that have shown it can be beneficial, I’ll attach a screenshot of an abstract from one but you can do your own research if wanted. All on PubMed.
obviously I wouldn’t say everyone should drink red wine everyday, however in my specific example a doctor DID recommend it!

Thank you @saraclara

If only we could solve the mystery of why he drinks…

They also recommended this to my mother about 15 years ago.

Alcohol has an addictive effect even at small quantities. The alcohol has the same chemistry and effect on the human body, whether you are drinking a glass of fine wine or a bottle of spirits, although the quantity differs. Why is it the case then that so many people happily have ‘a glass of wine with my meal’ every night? It’s not just because it is a relaxing habit, it’s because people’s bodies have been primed to want another alcoholic drink. Even at a very low level, that pattern quickly becomes established…

I have noticed this in my own habits. During Covid my DH and I began drinking a glass of wine with my evening meal, daily, so I soon found that I wanted that daily drink. I realised that I was experiencing that addictive effect, even at a low amount of alcohol, and stopped. It was actually harder than I expected to break the pattern.

I listened to an interesting podcast about alcohol free bars and apparently they find it hard to succeed financially because the alcohol-free drinks lack the addictive effect that makes people continue to want and buy another drink. Once the customer’s thirst is quenched (2 or 3 drinks maximum) they generally don’t want any more. Whereas we all know that alcoholic drinks work differently…

These days I do a long daily journey by road (on which there have been multiple fatalities) so only drink on evenings where I am not driving the next morning. I do not drink at all at social events if I am driving home. So that means 1-2 glasses of wine on a Friday and a Saturday night only, which I look forward to and very much enjoy!
It’s a self-imposed rule and I chafe against it at times 😁, but it works for me.

Roll on the proposed changes to the drink driving laws…

@Toomuchboooze
Ideas for your DH might include buying smaller glasses, pouring a smaller measure and switching to a lower or no alcohol beverage.

If you look at Gov.UK advice has changed:

Alcohol and health
The UK Chief Medical Officers (CMOs) advise that to keep the risk from alcohol low, adults should not regularly drink more than 14 units of alcohol per week. Alcohol adversely affects health in a range of ways and there is no definitively ‘safe’ lower limit - no level of regular alcohol consumption improves health.

Yes, the NHS and government guidance has changed - probably because the overall harms of alcohol outweigh the benefits of red wine in some very specific aspects of cardiac health.

Are the same benefits not obtained from drinking red grape juice or just eating the fruit?

France has higher levels of alcoholism and alcohol-related deaths than England and parts of Wales. Scotland and Northern Ireland are also higher than England.

https://landgeist.com/2021/11/16/alcohol-related-deaths-in-europe/

The tobacco industry tried for years to claim that smoking did not harm health and also lobbied against efforts to restrict and de-normalise smoking. We will probably see the alcohol industry obliged to catch up.

I agree with this.

Yes, I do know that. I'm just agreeing that clearly various doctors have recommended that in the past.

From that we can deduce that unless the individuals have gone back and specifically asked whether that advice still applies, there will be a number of people round the country still acting on that. So @OrlandointheWilderness probably wasn't saying anything that was untrue.

Your sister may not be a drunk, but she's probably storing up future health problems

I drink more than I should, so am not preachy, but a lot of us are good at denying reality

This will be causing his sleep disturbance. Not one glass of wine.

Agreed.

Also, visit Italy, Spain, France etc etc.... 1-2 glasses of wine a day is pretty much standard.

Bullshit. My Gran had 2 glasses of wine every evening until about a week before she died at age 91. She wasn't "sneaking" more in 😂

Some people are perfectly capable of moderation.

This. Most people don't realise how small a standard glass of wine is.

Nowhere near 25 units if it's one glass a night. More like 15 units.

But agree re the second part.

Definitely not saying anything that’s not untrue @Ineffable23( fab username btw - good omens fan?). I’ve no reason to lie to someone on the internet in defence of drinking wine everyday, I don’t even drink! 😂

I don’t think stereotypes of Mediterraneans all drinking half a bottle of vino a day and living to 100 are either realistic or helpful.

My partner is from one of those Mediterranean countries where the relationship with drink is apparently so healthy. As I’ve mentioned, he drinks every single day and admits both that it’s too much and it’s a habit he can’t break.

Meanwhile, I don’t just looked up rates for drinking every day in his country - just under 20% of the population. When we visit family there, they absolutely are not drinking daily, let alone two glasses. It’s also common to mix wine with water when having it with a meal, something I have never seen anyone here do.