Dh has a drink every night. I don’t think it’s ok. AIBU?

[Toomuchboooze]

DH is having a tough time at work at the moment. And, every day, he either has a can of beer or a glass of wine with dinner. He would have a gin and tonic but he drank it all. He will literally drink whatever we have.

He gets very defensive if I talk about it, and I think minimises it.

But it’s every night now and one can or one glass of wine.

I’m not talking to him about it again as it just makes us argue or he gets defensive and I hate arguing.

But AIBU that it’s too much? Or is that fine? He’s in his early 50s.

It's not your body, though. It's his.

I don't think one drink a day is an issue.

You seem to find several other things about him quite annoying, do you think he's picking up on your general disapproval of him and that's why he's defensive?

If you find his lifestyle incompatible with your own you can choose to leave the relationship, you might both be happier. I'm not saying his single daily drink is LTB territory but you don't seem to like him.

I mean it's his life it's only one a night

I think when people start to rely on alcohol to relieve stress, it gets risky.

My DSD's mum started on one a night... it slipped to two, then half a bottle of wine, a whole bottle, then a whole bottle plus extra secret drinking. She's dead now, from the alcohol.

An extreme story perhaps, but just... be cautious. If it starts to increase, it could be worrying.

I don't think it's normal to drink every night at all.

I don’t think it’s normal. I bet he can’t go a week without drink.

The evidence actually shows little and often (a la the whole of Southern Europe) is far healthier than more, less often.

I would have thought stress would be the most likely issue behind his sleep issues.

But do you not think it’s part of being a family/couple to look after ourselves and not dig ourselves an early grave?

My DH would easily have 2 beers each night, but I ask him to try and keep it to 3 nights a week max. Yes, it may sound controlling. He is early 50s too and has high blood pressure and possibly kidney issues.

He also wouldn’t eat any fruit or veg unless I fed it to him.

All I want is for us to grow old together and me to not loose him early.

Is that really unreasonable?

Jesus thank god i don't live with you. Poor husband.

You’re really judgey and controlling over him, I’d back right off. He’s a person in his own right, he doesn’t need to live according to your rules. My marriage would be over if my husband was judging me as you do him, his sleep, exercise, phone use, drinking, it’s just not ok; fo you even like him?

wnd yes one drink a night is fine, apologise.

Whilst it isn't an excessive amount, the pattern and his dependence on having it would concern me.

Well, there's a lot wrong there, you are right, but I'm not sure that focussing on the one drink per evening is the right strategy.

It would be good to try and get him on a better life balance all round but I know it's not always easy.

I’m finding responses on this thread very strange. I think drinking every day (even one glass) is not normal at all and not at all healthy. And the person above saying drinking every day is good for you- absolute nonsense, alcohol is a poison that causes so many issues for health!!

I would be questioning my partner for a nightly drink. I don’t know of anyone who drinks daily.

This.

You understand it’s just one drink not a bottle right?

Troll hunters, keep your opinions to yourselves. You're the boring ones.

It sounds like the issue is his work.
Its probably why he is having a glass of wine each evening- to wind down and is probably also the source of his poor sleep.
Does he need to look for a new job maybe?

It’s not great for him, but it is around the advised limit so could be much worse. Any alcohol is damaging but I wouldn’t say it’s alcohol problem levels. More worrying is that he will drink anything that’s in rather than choosing for enjoyment.

But if he limits it to one then I’d probably let it fly if he’s having a hard time.

And I’m a teetotaler.

Being worried that your partner has a drinking problem it's being controlling.

The thing to worry about is if that one drink escalates to two then three

I don't think a single drink a night is a big issue.
It may be suboptimal but so are many things we all do. It's not a major health risk.

One beer or glass of wine is not the cause of all that.

I have a glass of wine with my dinner every evening. I don't call that being a drinker. I just enjoy wine with my meal. In summer I'll probably have a G&T before dinner, instead.

I also can’t get over the minimising of daily alcohol. The evidence that alcohol was health protective was always controversial but even the NHS website now says that’s not the case. Also it’s a known carcinogen and one drink a day already increases risk. It might be fine socially but health wise, it really isn’t.

One drink is fine . Leave him alone.