Dh has a drink every night. I don’t think it’s ok. AIBU?

[Toomuchboooze]

DH is having a tough time at work at the moment. And, every day, he either has a can of beer or a glass of wine with dinner. He would have a gin and tonic but he drank it all. He will literally drink whatever we have.

He gets very defensive if I talk about it, and I think minimises it.

But it’s every night now and one can or one glass of wine.

I’m not talking to him about it again as it just makes us argue or he gets defensive and I hate arguing.

But AIBU that it’s too much? Or is that fine? He’s in his early 50s.

If it’s one a night, every single night then that is habit inducing. Your body starts to anticipate that one drink each night. Then eventually what happens when he has an especially hard day at work? That one glass a night becomes 2 glasses of wine/ 2 beers a night. Alcoholism slowly creeps up on you over time.

Your husband is drinking to relief stress. But that alcohol is causing him to be more stressed and anxious after it wears off. And he’s developed a craving for it each evening, which is why he’s having a drink every single night. He should focus on other ways to relieve stress and to unwind at the end of the day.

Im speaking from experience. I’m currently watching my dad slowly himself to death. It’s been going on since I was 17/18. Nearly 30 years. My uncle died of alcoholism. He was so desperate for money to drink in the end, he used to steel to fund his habit - the family had to rallie round to give my auntie money to fund basic essentials. My cousins were washing their hair with washing up liquid at one point because they couldn’t even afford to buy shampoo, and then he ended up dying a horrible death.

You are right to be concerned OP. Don’t listen to the people on here who are giving you a hard time. He needs to nip it in the bud before it becomes a real problem. If his job is driving him to drink every night then maybe he needs to look for another job.

We have such a weird relationship with alcohol. I don’t think it’s normal to drink alcohol daily but clearly lots of others do. Hopefully he’ll see it’s a problem soon.

Thank you everyone - I don’t drink so never know if I’m being unreasonable when it comes this. I think when you have never done something, and/or your family never did either, it's hard to be relaxed about it. I find the idea of DH hurling himself down a snowy slope whilst balanced on a board irresponsible and short sighted, but he see's it as enjoyable so I let him crack on.
In the real world NO-ONE thinks drinking alcohol every night is normal In my real world it is totally normal, and no issue. My Granny has a g&t every night in summer and a sherry daily in the winter. She is 97 and still going strong.
It probably is a habit but so is a cuppa when you wake up, or a shower before bed.
It sounds like your DH does have some concerning issues but 1 drink isn't one of them...

As is what YOU said.

HTH.

.

BINGO!

It's not even remotely normal to drink alcohol daily, and it's quite scary that some people think it is. They won't have it though. Will NOT accept that they're wrong. Wasting your breath. 🙄

How does he stick to just one beer or glass of wine ? Seems very under control.

YABU. You shouldn't nag him about such a moderate amount. I would understand if he was knocking back three pints a night, or a bottle, but a glass of wine a night is not too bad, although I do agree that alcohol is not an ideal coping mechanism. However, I would say nothing unless he is drinking more and more. How is he in other ways?

If he carries on and this becomes a long-term habit, it’s only a matter of time before 1 drink a night becomes 2, and eventually 3, and so on. It’s highly addictive. I mentioned my dad and uncle in my post above, but I have other relatives who obviously have issues with alcohol. It only takes one especially stressful day at work, or other stressful event, and he will decide to have another drink. That then lowers his inhibition even more and he will then be even more likely to think what’s the harm in just one more etc.

Lol. Do you think that the entirety of the French population are teetering on alcoholism? It’s eminently possible to have a drink with food and it never to become a problem.

I’d say he should have a night or 2 off a week, say Monday and Tuesday. But 5 drinks a week isn’t excessive- especially with a meal.

A G and T can be several drinks though. And some people have large glasses of Vino.

Not sure it’s a massive issue tbh OP if it genuinely is just the one drink.

i couldn’t get concerned about that unless it’s more than one drink a night.‘I could and at times have had one drink a night.:::absolutely no desire to continue. Give me one chocolate bar a night and that’s a different matter, I’d eat them ALL.

About 30% of the population of France is classified as problem drinkers. I would say that is pretty significant. Alcohol culture is also changing massively, with rising awareness of the risks.

1 drink every night , well when it is just one with dinner , I can’t see a problem.
Where the worry lies is , if this is something he hasn’t always done , how long before it leads to having more than one 🤷🏻‍♀️

Same here

Sure, like the person who has a bar of chocolate every night, how long till they have more.

id bet good money some of these posters have unhealthy habits themselves, maybe a weight problem, sitting there eating crisps or chocolate whilst hyper ventilating about this bloke and his one drink

I’m surprised at the responses tbh, I don’t think drinking alcohol everyday is okay and I wouldn’t be okay with it.

It sounds like he’s self medicating 🤷‍♀️

Easy to spot those who are in denial about their own problems with alcohol.

The problem is that it is a harmful pattern of drinking. Recommendations are some days of not drinking each week. And he is close to the limits, although the WHO states that there is no safe level of alcohol use - the guidelines are about minimizing harm.

However, there is also a question of psychological dependence. Which is equally damaging, but in different ways.

Totally unnecessary 😒

Oh for goodness sake. I've been having a glass of wine with my dinner for several decades. And my consumption hasn't crept up in the slightest.

If I go to the pub with friends, I still only have one alcoholic drink. I'm on orange juice or soda the rest of the time.

Yes , but this is something you’ve always done , & I’m sure you’re in a good place .
OPS husband hasn’t always done this , he’s very stressed out with work , so this having one drink ( and bear in mind it’s a new habit ) could very easily escalate.

Not a problem - may be if he was having three or four but one next to nothing. Wouldn’t give this another thought

'Perfectly reasonable and normal'?!

I don't think it's normal to drink every single night, no matter how little.

Many adults drink alcohol, but daily drinking is a minority pattern, not the norm.
Most people who drink do so occasionally or a few times a week, not every day.
Regular nightly drinking is more common than people realise, but it’s still not what most people do.

The fact that his lifestyle is so unhealthy along with the drinking indicates a much deeper problem.

Don't try and normalise drinking!

No it’s not. My ex did this and ended up a raging alcoholic because one glass of wine turned into a bottle, which turned into two which turned into park bench territory. If he is relying on having a drink every night it’s not beyond the realms of possibility he could increase it. I’d be very wary and I’d be watching him like a hawk.