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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner won’t give me a lift in the ice …

274 replies

inkyspells · 07/01/2026 13:13

So during the night the snow has started to melt and it’s icy out there.
The main roads are clear but the paths are Ice.
Went out this morning and even with my boots on I’ve fallen over.
I get really anxious about falling over so that’s knocked my confidence.
My partner is a manager of a company 5 mins around the corner and I asked him could you drive me to the bus stop just so I can get to my dads and take out his dog and get him essentials (he’s 86 and I don’t want him falling over )
He said no he’s not doing that and I just need to get a grip and walk to the bus stop (about 10 mins but it’s thick of ice )
Bare in mind last night he was on his way home when his work friend text saying the bus hadn’t come so he immediately said “no bother mate il take you home “ 20 mins in opposite direction.
Aibu to be a bit sad he won’t even drive 5 mins to help me out.
Now before anyone comes at me,last year I slipped on the ice and broke my wrist so ever since then I’ve been scared…I have bought decent boots but still it’s a ice rink.

OP posts:
usedtobeaylis · 07/01/2026 14:54

LemaxObsessive · 07/01/2026 14:47

You wouldn’t help the person you love most in the world, for the sake of 10/11 minutes because it ‘adds up’ are you for real???????

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There was a whole discourse a couple of years ago around whether is was reasonable to ask your partner to bring you a glass of water or make you a cup of tea. Absolutely fucking mental. You've either got that or bullshit about 'love language' to justify wholly one-way little acts in a partnership.

Imagine thinking it's unreasonable to ask anything of your partner, ever. What a fucking world.

IrradiatedHaggis · 07/01/2026 14:55

Dump him. Simple as that.

MyBrightPeer · 07/01/2026 14:55

Throw this one back

Goditsmemargaret · 07/01/2026 14:56

He sounds absolutely horrible. Do you share children / property? Unless he has a decent reason for refusing I think I would ditch him for this.

GAJLY · 07/01/2026 14:57

Clefable · 07/01/2026 13:15

Buy some YakTrax. Like a tenner on Amazon and you won’t fall on ice again.

And consider what your ‘partner’ brings to your life.

I agree. These are brilliant to put over your boots. They really grip the ice and you won’t slip.

CaurnieBred · 07/01/2026 14:57

Put a pair of fluffy socks on over your shoes: in an emergency this can help with grip on ice.
But I do agree he doesn't sound helpful.

Dweetfidilove · 07/01/2026 14:57

usedtobeaylis · 07/01/2026 14:54

There was a whole discourse a couple of years ago around whether is was reasonable to ask your partner to bring you a glass of water or make you a cup of tea. Absolutely fucking mental. You've either got that or bullshit about 'love language' to justify wholly one-way little acts in a partnership.

Imagine thinking it's unreasonable to ask anything of your partner, ever. What a fucking world.

Edited
Show quote history

For some folks, a partner only needs to be breathing. The bar is otherwise in hell ☹️.

Shinyandnew1 · 07/01/2026 14:58

I can't believe people on here suggesting that because a spouse who is at work and won't leave their job to come and drive the person who is not at work, round to their dad's, then she should dump him?!

Surely, her asking to use the car herself would have been far more sensible! Then he can carry on working, she doesn't have to pay £15 for a taxi home and he can either walk to work or she can drop him?

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 07/01/2026 14:59

Well, now you know where you are on his pecking list... Fucker!

MadamCholetsbonnet · 07/01/2026 15:01

Whose car is it? Why don’t you have it when it’s icy and you need to go out, whereas DP is only local?

sittingonabeach · 07/01/2026 15:01

My DH would probably have offered to take the stuff to your dad's and let the dog out, especially as his work is flexible. At the very least a good partner would have dropped you at the bus stop

Dollyfloss · 07/01/2026 15:03

He doesn’t give a shit about you. What a nasty man.

Oh, and being nasty and callous to the one they live with and Mr Nice/do anything to help for everyone else is a classic symptom of NPD.

redskydelight · 07/01/2026 15:03

LemaxObsessive · 07/01/2026 14:49

I just love how you’ve conveniently left out the two crucial points of BLACK ICE, and the fact that he jumps at the request to take his colleague 20 mins out of his way but of course those two key points don’t fit your narrative, do they?

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This black ice is very conveniently just near OP's house and not near her dad's house (even though she mentions him slipping).

If my partner rang me up and asked me to take them to the bus stop as it was slippery, so I could walk my dad's dog in a place where it was also slippery, I think I would also think that if they could manage one, they could manage the other.

Shinyandnew1 · 07/01/2026 15:03

inkyspells · 07/01/2026 14:29

No I don’t drive ,well I can drive but partner has the car

@inkyspells why don't you have the car at home and drop him into work or he walks or cycles?

redskydelight · 07/01/2026 15:04

Shinyandnew1 · 07/01/2026 14:58

I can't believe people on here suggesting that because a spouse who is at work and won't leave their job to come and drive the person who is not at work, round to their dad's, then she should dump him?!

Surely, her asking to use the car herself would have been far more sensible! Then he can carry on working, she doesn't have to pay £15 for a taxi home and he can either walk to work or she can drop him?

She could even get a taxi to his work to pick up the car, which presumably will cost less that £15 if it's only 5 minutes away.

GreyBeeplus3 · 07/01/2026 15:04

Pity you not a "work friend"
And I've just got to ask
What joy does he actually bring personally to your everyday life?

Minnie798 · 07/01/2026 15:05

This is a bit backward tbh. How are you going to walk the dog? I am more likely to fall over when walking the dogs than I am when I'm not.
As far as the lift goes, would he need to do the same when you get back from your dads? So leave work twice ?
I wouldn't personally ask my dp to leave work to take me to a bus stop.

JustMyView13 · 07/01/2026 15:06

Applespearsandpeaches · 07/01/2026 14:17

My DH could disappear whenever he wants from work and no one would question it. I could call him home to deal with spiders, open a stuck jar lid or indeed drive me to the bus stop and his employer wouldn’t really care. But I only contact him at work about actual emergencies - like “I just called an ambulance for our baby” type emergencies not “my Dad’s dog needs a walk and it’s icy”. He’s working, it’s disrespectful to interrupt and expect him to drop everything to do trivial and unnecessary favours.

He gave an actually stranded person a lift home when he wasn’t working and was in the car anyway. Totally different situation.

Given the number of threads on here about it being unreasonable to interrupt people working from home, because they are working and thus unavailable, I don’t understand why this a controversial stance. And like a pp said, I think there’s some sexism here and a man who asked his girlfriend to leave her job to drive him on an unnecessary errand would get pasted.

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Women get asked to leave their jobs all the time to sort out the kids, so I take your last sentence with a pinch of salt.

The weather has been awful in some parts of the country. It’s really very icy. This is hardly an all the time request. It’s in no way similar to people constantly interrupting someone wfh. But I appreciate the nuance of reality is often lost on mn.

Shinyandnew1 · 07/01/2026 15:07

GreyBeeplus3 · 07/01/2026 15:04

Pity you not a "work friend"
And I've just got to ask
What joy does he actually bring personally to your everyday life?

It sounds like he works, so possibly pays the bills?!

This would all be solved with the OP having the car instead of the husband who only works 5 minutes away!

Firefly100 · 07/01/2026 15:09

I would file this away and remember. Next time he asks for a favour or I am about to do something that benefits him, just refuse or don’t do it. When he complains tell him to ’get a grip’ too - after all, you could point out, that apparently is the standard response to requests for assistance in your relationship. Hopefully he sees the point and changes, if not, you have a lot less favours and actions you need to undertake!
Oh and I suggest you raise the matter of purchasing a second car. Apparently when you need the one car you own it is not available for you.

Dollyfloss · 07/01/2026 15:09

inkyspells · 07/01/2026 14:24

Just to clarify
I didn’t plan on asking him to help me out,I left the house this morning heading to bus stop and slipped and fell ..luckily didn’t hurt myself this time.
He is at work yes but every single day he’s out and about “just popped to b&m “ “popped to the sandwich shop” etc etc so I honestly don’t think driving around the corner is a big ask,I said whenever is convenient for you ..I didn’t ask him to drop everything.
Also his friend wasn’t “stranded “ it’s a busy route with 4 bus options but 1 was cancelled and didn’t want to wait in the cold for 5 mins for the bus to come along.
I got my dads milk etc from Asda last night and was dropping them today.
My dad has to take the dog across to the grass,the dog unfortunately needs to go out,he took him across this morning but was slipping and at his I don’t want him to hurt himself.

OP - you don’t have to explain.

YOU know you deserve better than this. I couldn’t go through life with a partner who won’t do a little favour for me now and again.

My DH works from home and we both drive but he always runs me to the shops/to get my prescriptions bc otherwise I have to find a parking space - and because he’s a nice guy.

Don’t go through life with someone who isn’t kind to you.

Grammarnut · 07/01/2026 15:10

Purplecatshopaholic · 07/01/2026 13:20

Nailed it.

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Yes. Also swap them for DP.

songbird3086 · 07/01/2026 15:10

Awful and I’d be having real thoughts. My husband would go out his way at any time for me if it was needed and for my family and I’d do the same. Seems silly but you deserve better and if he won’t do a small thing god forbid you need a big really inconvenient thing.

that being said give me the benefit and explain how you feel. His reaction to that would be the important thing, we all do silly things and don’t realise so see if he gets the problem and Hopefully changes!

usedtobeaylis · 07/01/2026 15:10

redskydelight · 07/01/2026 15:03

This black ice is very conveniently just near OP's house and not near her dad's house (even though she mentions him slipping).

If my partner rang me up and asked me to take them to the bus stop as it was slippery, so I could walk my dad's dog in a place where it was also slippery, I think I would also think that if they could manage one, they could manage the other.

Show quote history

I would offer to help. I would say 'it'll be icy at your dad's as well, I'll drive you over instead of to the bus stop and give you a hand'.

I guess that just doesn't occur to come people.

redskydelight · 07/01/2026 15:11

usedtobeaylis · 07/01/2026 15:10

I would offer to help. I would say 'it'll be icy at your dad's as well, I'll drive you over instead of to the bus stop and give you a hand'.

I guess that just doesn't occur to come people.

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I suggested earlier in the thread that the partner should offer to walk the dog himself after work.

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