Partner won’t give me a lift in the ice …

[inkyspells]

So during the night the snow has started to melt and it’s icy out there.
The main roads are clear but the paths are Ice.
Went out this morning and even with my boots on I’ve fallen over.
I get really anxious about falling over so that’s knocked my confidence.
My partner is a manager of a company 5 mins around the corner and I asked him could you drive me to the bus stop just so I can get to my dads and take out his dog and get him essentials (he’s 86 and I don’t want him falling over )
He said no he’s not doing that and I just need to get a grip and walk to the bus stop (about 10 mins but it’s thick of ice )
Bare in mind last night he was on his way home when his work friend text saying the bus hadn’t come so he immediately said “no bother mate il take you home “ 20 mins in opposite direction.
Aibu to be a bit sad he won’t even drive 5 mins to help me out.
Now before anyone comes at me,last year I slipped on the ice and broke my wrist so ever since then I’ve been scared…I have bought decent boots but still it’s a ice rink.

Why can nobody seem to understand that the comment "he can come and go as he pleases" is at best a subjective, disgruntled, limited view of the situation and at worst absolute bullshit?

He needed the car for work appointments, which means, at least on that day, he had actual places to be at specific times. Who cares if he went to a butty shop on another day? None of us knows the details of what was going on for him at work on this particular day.

I have quieter days when I can do errands/favours, but then suddenly a load of work will land on my desk and guess what, I'm expected to do it, because I'm at work!! Maybe the same happened to OP's husband. Maybe a crisis had loomed. Maybe he was short staffed because all his employees had fallen on the ice were sick. Maybe he's just fed up of her asking him to do daft favours, we don't know!

But I do know that nobody that I know in real life would actually expect their partner to come home from work to take them to a bus stop when they could walk in in 10 minutes. Especially when there are other, easier solutions (neighbour lets the dog out, grocery delivery, etc). It's laughable. And the people calling him nasty and telling her to leave... honestly the mind boggles.

Can’t edit, but just to add that I don’t think my DH should do these things, but the point is that he cares about me and would offer.

It’s not that people don’t understand that. It’s that her partner said: He said no he’s not doing that and I just need to get a grip and walk to the bus stop

He didn’t say - sorry, I’m totally snowed under this morning and can’t. Can you get a taxi or walk slowly to the bus stop?

Hence, the comments about him clearly not caring.

Yes, which is exactly the kind of comment I would expect from a busy working person exasperated at being asked to leave for a non-emergency reason. I care a lot about my husband but if he asked me this I might also tell him to get a grip. But he wouldn't ask, obviously.

Well he's a wanker isn't he? And as someone else mentioned i would not be sad - thats minimising it - i'd be fucking angry and looking at my relationship.
Bet this isn't the first time he's been a selfish and unkind shit?

Poster : my husband wants me to leave work to take him somewhere as it’s icy

mumsnet : tell him to get a grip

Seriously
hes a wanker and you’d consider your relationship because he won’t leave work to come and give you a lift somewhere?

He said no he’s not doing that and I just need to get a grip and walk to the bus stop (about 10 mins but it’s thick of ice )
Bare in mind last night he was on his way home when his work friend text saying the bus hadn’t come so he immediately said “no bother mate il take you home “ 20 mins in opposite direction.
Aibu to be a bit sad he won’t even drive 5 mins to help me out.

I did say “look” at the relationship because all of the above wreaks of selfishness particularly as he went out of his way for a mate. There has been no kindness in the way he dealt with OP or her father. As I said earlier I don’t think this will be the first time if she looks hard enough!

One occasion he was on the way home
one he was at work
you seriously can’t see there’s a difference?

He can swan off to the shops whenever it suits him, but refused to take 10 mins out of his day to assist his 'partner'. He sounds like an arsehole.

If you cant afford to buy the things thry sell in Amazon,cant remember the name but they are amazing. Get a pair of large socks, preferably your partners (they will be ruined) put the socks over yr boots. You will be able to skip down the icy paths. Get tid of the partner,he's a selfish kno

Get a grip! Pun intended! You can’t walk to the bus stop but i presume you are going to walk your dad’s dog and walk to a shop to buy him essentials. Pull up your big girl pants and get on with it.

If it’s a shared car then I’d be tempted to use it more often and let him use public transport to get out and about - but I’m mean

If you cant afford to buy the things thry sell in Amazon,cant remember the name but they are amazing. Get a pair of large socks, preferably your partners (they will be ruined) put the socks over yr boots. You will be able to skip down the icy paths. Get tid of the partner,he's a selfish knob

If you cant afford to buy the things thry sell in Amazon,cant remember the name but they are amazing. Get a pair of large socks, preferably your partners (they will be ruined) put the socks over yr boots. You will be able to skip down the icy paths. Get tid of the partner,he's a selfish knob

Sadly that can be right and I would say you do have to look at it in the whole context of the relationship. My ex DP couldn’t even be bothered to collect me when I called late morning from the hospital to say I was ready to come home after I’d had an operation and kept in overnight. I sat waiting for hours in reception and called him again, he’d said he’d gone back to sleep. That was yet another red flag in our relationship.

Whatever you’re doing for him stop immediately. What a cheeky c**t he is.

Don’t cook, clean, arrange - fit him. Absolutely effing zero.

Did you miss that he was at work? Or is he still an arse for not leaving work?

This thread is bonkers! I leave my office from time to time to do stuff like run minor errands or get lunch, and I am a 'boss' of sorts. But that doesn't mean I am therefore able to drop what I'm doing at work at any time of somebody else's choosing in order to solve their trivial problems. I have to fit the non-work stuff around the work stuff - surely anybody with a job understands this? But if I've finished work for the day then things are different; I then may well have more time and be freer to, say, give somebody a lift home. This is one of the best cases of 'Guilty Because Male' I've seen on MN!

The OP has said that opposite where the where her dad lives is grass and she takes the dog over to the grass. OP had bought the milk etc for her dad the previous day.

If it is really icy, it isnt safe to drive. Assuming it is safe, make it clear that he needs to start showing his love & support by:

1. helping you & your elderly Dad
2. Give you the money for taxi fare.

Or you will:

1. Stop doing stuff for him - laundry, cooking
2. Make him sleep on the sofa

He's a spiteful Knob head who'd risk you falling rather than give you a 5 minute lift. Show him this thread & the replies & see how he feels after reading them.

Doing something for your partner once is ok - maybe twice - but I totally understand anyone's resistance for starting a trend. Are you likely to keep asking him when you need to go anywhere, because you make it sound like this was your only option. I'd take some responsibility and make sure you have suitable grips on your shoes - look after your own needs, and then let him offer if he can, which is much better than someone feeling duty bound to help you out. If you, like him, were working maybe you'd not feel like adding on more short journeys in the bad weather. You'd expect him to do something to help himself, maybe? No?

Some wives expect too much. A guy needs to feel like he's more than a mere provider and rescuer. As someone has said, there's more to this than we know.