To still be hurt that my DSis stole my baby name?

[Snowberryfields]

My DSis and I both had a baby last year and were roughly due at around the same time. I have had my heart set on a certain name for such a long time. It’s in the top 100 names but isn’t particularly common around my area. My sister knew this as I have made it pretty clear that I adored this name. You can guess what happened next. My sister gave birth a month before me and she used my name. Now, I know I don’t have ownership over a name but this really hurt to be honest. I didn’t immediately say anything to her as I know she had just given birth and didn’t upset her so soon after the delivery (along with being heavily pregnant myself at the time). But last week I did confront her and she said that I am being ‘ridiculous’ and it is just a name and I should get over myself. I called my child something else obviously. I feel horrible saying it but I still look at my child and imagine them with that name. Am I being unreasonable here?

I think you could have handled slightly differently at the time. If you’d immediately said that would be sweet, both cousins having the same name, before she’d registered the birth, I suspect it might have made her think again if she was doing it with a view to annoying you. Especially if you said you’d already had stuff personalised with that name, so had every intention of using it. It wouldn’t have been as though she could have gotten cross with you and demanded you didn’t use it, would it? You’d have been able to point out that you’d told her the name you were using and your plans hadn’t changed.

But as you don’t have a Time Machine, you’ve got three options here. A) You either let it go, forgive her and move on, or B) you put some boundaries in your relationship with her and accept that she’s not going to be a sister who champions everything you do, so you can’t trust her as much as you would probably want to, or C) you can decide that you can’t get over it, you can’t move on and you need to cut her off. Personally, I’d go with option B.

I do very much like the previous suggestion of getting a dog and calling it Alice though. Alice the child will be too young to care, but your DS will get the point.

You could have still used the name but you chose not to. Children grow up and eventually move to different areas and it wouldn’t matter one jot if they had the same name. Learn to love the new name you chose for your child as much as the other name.

I understand what you're saying but I don't agree. I've got cousins who are called the same names. No one cares. No one struggles. No one judges.

I can’t imagine most families would feel that way. Especially if seeing the children regularly. There’s a lot of names out there. Unless it’s a family name, the DC need their own name imo.

I have one sibling.

I think if we each had a child with the same name it would be odd.

I think it's probably simpler all round if everyone is called something different.

But if I were to be as passionate about a name as the OP is, no way would I step aside and give up a dream.

You should have just used the name? My mum has 2 cousins with her name, her sister has 1 cousin with her name and her brother has at least 3 with his name. No one cares.

Give your DN a nickname and refuse to call her Alice 😂. Maybe Allie, Lil, lilly. I think your sister might be suitably annoyed if you always refer to/call her Al …

This thread has really jumped the shark. Someone actually saying that cousins can’t have the same name because it causes confusion? Really? How did people in the old days cope when all men were Johns and all women were Mary!

Most children see and spend more time with their classmates than actual family members unless said family members all go to the same school.

Any parent that chooses a common or popular name risks their child running into someone or several with the same name in their class so I don’t see how it is an issue if cousins have the same first names.

No one would be bothered if someone said my sibling and I loved the same name so we both used it.

I Think Alice is a lovely name, but the first thing that pops into my head is the song ‘who the is Alice?’

I hope you’ve named your DD something that’s in a better song.

This happened to me. My sister took my 2nd daughters name. It really did hurt at the time. She knew she had done it. But I got over it, I love her and shes been through hell one way and another, so I wouldn't let it come between us. The name I chose really suits my daughter and I actually prefer it for her now. Just love the name you have chosen, it happened for a reason. ❤️

Family relationships aren't a game of tennis.

Yes she didn't do enough to be completely cut off but she's an obvious twat.

This is a missed opportunity for the nickname ‘Shetland Tony’.

Honestly, I would have called your daughter by the name you wanted anyway. Cousins having the same name is fine. And if your sister said anything, you just point out that she knew you were planning to use that name, so she could have chosen something else if she wanted.

But since you didn’t do that, you have to let it go for your daughter’s sake. Learn to love her name because it is hers. Don’t let your sister spoil things for you any more.

that is absolutely splendid and Im now devastated little Tony was never Shetland Tony. Bit of a prick he is, maybe he didn’t deserve the cool nickname.

🤣🤣Love that. I think in a big family its ok to have two cousins same name, we had that in my big family and no one ever mentioned it, but I think if its two siblings a bit awkward.

Two sibbling's children I meant!

You mean like cousins?

They have their own name - it just happens also to be the name of a close-ish relative.

Two DGC of mine have the same name - no-one in the family regards it as any sort of problem. Why would it be? They are cousins and as life progresses will probably hardly see each other!

Course you can. People juggle the same names in families all the time. People name children after themselves or still alive relatives. People marry people with the same name as their family members etc. IT’S FINE.

I like the name Alice but the only thing that puts me off is the song living next door to Alice .' Who the f@#k is Alice. ? Having said that it may not be relevant in the future but you could have done your daughter a favour.

I'm not sure why you didn't call her 'Alice' - and if your sister complained, you simply remind her you told her your plan well before she had her 'Alice'. (And if you gave her one or two other forenames, your daughter could use one of them if she preferred later).

I wouldnt have changed my plan to give her whatever name i planned for her. Everyone knew this was the name you'd chosen.

I'd have used the same name and let people know I'd planned to use it and your sister decided to as well.