To still be hurt that my DSis stole my baby name?

[Snowberryfields]

My DSis and I both had a baby last year and were roughly due at around the same time. I have had my heart set on a certain name for such a long time. It’s in the top 100 names but isn’t particularly common around my area. My sister knew this as I have made it pretty clear that I adored this name. You can guess what happened next. My sister gave birth a month before me and she used my name. Now, I know I don’t have ownership over a name but this really hurt to be honest. I didn’t immediately say anything to her as I know she had just given birth and didn’t upset her so soon after the delivery (along with being heavily pregnant myself at the time). But last week I did confront her and she said that I am being ‘ridiculous’ and it is just a name and I should get over myself. I called my child something else obviously. I feel horrible saying it but I still look at my child and imagine them with that name. Am I being unreasonable here?

@Snowberryfields

Her name was going to be Alice. I’ve loved the name since I was little when I watched Alice in Wonderland.

Honestly, I think your DD has dodged a bullet. 'Alice Alice who the fuck is Alice' and everyone will call her AL for short.

Much nicer names out there. I know 3 Alices and they all hate their name.

I also knew a woman who had a baby girl not long before I had my first, and called her Alice, and when she was a year and a half old, the Chubby Brown 'who the fuck is Alice' song came out. She was absolutely gutted and said it had ruined the name. 30 years later, and people still say this to her daughter. I'm not saying this will happen with every Alice, but there is a good chance it will!

This is petty genius!!

Can we call her those names now???

We had a few ideas for baby names when I was pregnant but threw them all out when DS was born as didn’t think he suited them and whilst still in the delivery room came up with a name that we had never even considered before. I find it strange that someone can be so fixed on a name from so early on, especially when there is usually another parent involved whose suggestions have to be considered too.

This is my name… no one calls me al. I do get called Ali but no one has ever called me al.

and honestly while I did get the who the fuck is Alice a bit no children these days are going to have a clue about that song are they.

I get trying to make the OP feel better but if you could do it without shitting on other people because of their name

Does she have form for this kinda stuff? Passive aggressive, one upman ship etc?
I would have still used it

Exactly. It's stupid why anyone would do this. It doesn't make sense.

Yep, too late for this baby but lesson to learn for the next one....

It was a beyond horrible thing to do.

My first born was due to be Ben if a boy and I was trumped by Kathy from Eastenders who had her boy prematurely (dont they all on TV) and called him Ben!!

And I even ended up having a girl so it didnt matter but almost 30 years now and I still havent forgiven her!

Told anyone that asked that we were going to call DD "Nemesis", Nemi for short. ..

When we were younger absolutely (we had quite a rocky relationship for a few years in our early 20s) but in recent years I thought things were getting better between us. I haven’t really talked about it to the wider family in great depth to be honest but our Mum did say she was a little bit surprised about the name choice but hasn’t said anything more.

This made me laugh! My dad once went to a funeral and it was actually the cousin of the chap he thought had died because the cousins all had the same names (if I recall correctly, the mums of the cousins were twins and did everything the same, including naming their babies…) My dad wasn’t the only mourner at the funeral in error😬😂

ps- OP that was a total dick move by your sister. I’d have been raging!

she clearly loved the name as much as
you.

her baby came first

so fair play

Oh, that’s awful op. You’re not being unreasonable at all. I think this is why it’s alway best to not discuss names! I hope that you love the alternative name you chose for your baby and congratulations on your little one x

I would spam her with Alice in wonderland merchandise. Just as you would have done if you used the name, of course. Clothes. Played and cups. Bedding. Cushions. Pictures. Toys.

If you're getting a snake, name it after the sister!!

If that's what she wanted to call her child, do you think she shouldn't have done so because you liked the name? It's unreasonable to expect someone not to use a name because you have "claimed" it.

I have several cousins with the same first name as me. Some of my cousins have the same name as each other, including their surname. Why not just use the name you like?

Change your DDs name to Elise or Eloise. Much posher. Nice nicknames. Less bad song connotations.

That bloody woman! I don't blame you for being angry!

😆

Sorry but YABU.

If your chosen name was Alice, then call her Alice.

If you told your sister you were calling your baby Alice, then she gave birth a month earlier and called her baby Alice, then perhaps this was also her favourite name but she didn't want to say?

Just because you said it out loud doesn't make it your name to use.

And no one is pathetic enough to name a child just to p*ss someone else off. If your sister disliked you, there's no way she would have chosen the name that you wanted to piss you off as why would she then want a reminder of you every time she said the name?

It's likely she also liked that name so went with it.

So if you still like it and it's not too late to change your daughter's name, then just also call her Alice. You told your sister you were calling your baby Alice so just do it.

This. The OP said she had dreamed about the name Alice since seeing/reading Alice In Wonderland as a child. Seems weird to be attached to the name all these years, but hey....

My good friend's daughter (now 32) was Harry Potter obsessed in the noughties and from about 7 y.o. her first born daughter was going to be called Hermione. She had her first born daughter in 2022. We were all like 'awww, so it's Hermione is it?' She said 'LOL fuck off 😆 As if... Meet Grace.'

She had given up the idea of Hermione when she was about 16!

Similar tale with me. Big fan of the film Grease when I was a kid, and my first born daughter was going to be Sandy or Olivia. A boy would be Danny or John.

I grew out of this by the time I was about 15. 😆

nb, my friend's daughter's daughter is not called Grace btw!

I do agree though, that it's not uncommon to have a name 2-3 times in each family. Sometimes a few names.

My extended family has 2 Johns, 2 Michaels, 3 Davids, 2 Rachels, 3 Pauls, 2 Andrews, 2 Julies, 2 Sarahs... No-one else has my name though. My parents were trippy hippies and gave me a pretty unusual first-name. I have never met/known anyone with my first-name.

Then call the child Alice. What does it matter if her cousin is also called Alice.

I think you’ve every right to be annoyed when it’s your own sister who named her baby a name you’d told her you wanted to use. No, you don’t own a name but who does that to their own sister. It would make me re-evaluate the relationship.

Because their mother is going to have 2 grand-daughters around the same age both called Alice. That’s why it matters. You can’t call your child the same name as a 1st cousin as it’s incredibly confusing for family, and the children themselves who would always be known as Alice Jane or Alice Louise etc. And it would make OP look daft as she’d be the one people would assume was copying a name. OP had no choice but to choose another name.

It’s annoying but I’d still have used the name.