To still be hurt that my DSis stole my baby name?

[Snowberryfields]

My DSis and I both had a baby last year and were roughly due at around the same time. I have had my heart set on a certain name for such a long time. It’s in the top 100 names but isn’t particularly common around my area. My sister knew this as I have made it pretty clear that I adored this name. You can guess what happened next. My sister gave birth a month before me and she used my name. Now, I know I don’t have ownership over a name but this really hurt to be honest. I didn’t immediately say anything to her as I know she had just given birth and didn’t upset her so soon after the delivery (along with being heavily pregnant myself at the time). But last week I did confront her and she said that I am being ‘ridiculous’ and it is just a name and I should get over myself. I called my child something else obviously. I feel horrible saying it but I still look at my child and imagine them with that name. Am I being unreasonable here?

what a nasty thing to do to her own sister. I would have used your name anyway but maybe use the middle name too. I’ve changed names for privacy reasons but this is what happened in my family. I had a daughter called her my favourite little girl name Emily. 5 years later my ex cousin had a daughter and Emily was her favourite girl name. She was so upset that she wouldn’t be able to use it, so we had a chat and decided my little one would be known as Emily and hers would be Emily-Jane. We’re happy and both girls are happy. But she was willing to find a different name if I wasn’t happy. Your sister is a selfish Twunt

My brother and 2 first cousins are all called Patrick.. my other brother is called Michael and my other 1st cousin is aswell..3 sisters called their kids the same name..get over yourself ..should have used the name if you liked it that much

It is a nasty thing to do and she was very unreasonable. I wouldn't have waited to tell her that though.

And i would have used the name if i still wanted to because - well, finding a name is hard.

but now you know: if you have another baby, don't tell anyone a planned name.

I was going to suggest playing that song every time around the sister

Maybe she had also loved the name for a long time? I imagine if your sister had posted saying " I'm pregnant and I've loved the name Alice for the longest time. My DSis is also pregnant and due the month after me. DSis is now saying she loves and plans to use the name we have chosen. WIBU to go ahead and use chosen name?" everyone would have replied saying go ahead, she doesn't own the name etc.

This. A pet snake 😂

Could be like Ann in Motherlands relatives…
Theres Pat, her niece Pat, their cousin Pat, his Uncle Pat, then there’s Little Pat, Big Pat and Pats daughter…Pat😁

It was bad of her.

I'd have been tempted to say "Oh lovely. We thought of that name too but went off it in the end"

Absolutely bizarre the lengths people will go to on here to avoid giving an OP any support in a perfectly reasonable situation. Her SISTER was a dick about it.

Why cant cousins just have the same name? Its cute if they are close for life and matters not a fig if they are not.

I think if people are going to be so precious over a name then they shouldn’t share it before the baby is born and named. No one owns a name so anyone can use any name they like. It was a pretty crappy thing for her to do, I’d of probably said “oh how nice there will be two xxxx’s in the family”…. In hope that she’d change her mind

Surely the sister would have told her child that Auntie OP had 'stolen' the name for her younger child! I like the earlier idea of getting a really ugly dog and calling it by the name.

'Because we decided it was too common'!

OP could still use the ‘favourite’ name in everyday. … 50yrs ago @ boarding school I met some1 we all called Poppy; her actual given christian name was something completely different.

Such a nasty thing to do!

I still want to know what the dad wanted to call her? What would have happened if sister hadn’t used the name but dad didn’t like it, would OP still have used it

She’s a twat. I’d still have used it. I have cousins with the same name

My dad had two cousins on the same side of his family named “Billy”…but both of them were born shortly after Uncle Billy was killed in combat, plus they had different surnames and lived nearly two thousand miles apart. If your sister had been completely above-board here, she would have run it past you that she was thinking of naming her baby Alice. YANBU.

You should have used it anyway and told everyone that your sister copied you if anyone asked about it.

My sister used the middle name that I was going to use for DS as a middle name for DN. I have no idea why as DN now has the initials ATM! I ended up choosing a better name that has a family connection and am happy with what I chose. At the time I was annoyed but it's not something that I think about anymore.

@Neverendingdeclutter seriously who cares about middle names

There's a lesson in this - do not openly discuss name choices with anyone but your partner!

@OP Some friends briefly stopped being friends with us over this. We had shortlisted some boys names from very early on in my pregnancy, and added this particular boys name after watching a TV show together and liking it. My husband apparently had gone out for some drinks with his friends and one of them had told him they wanted to call their future son (if he ever had one) this name, and had gone so far as to set up email accounts for this future son with this first name and surname. I had no idea the conversation had taken place and my husband couldn't remember it taking place, but his friend was so mad at him when we announced this was our baby name.

I suppose my thoughts are whether you are sure she really registered the conversation and the names meaning to you. Because the name was one of many on our shortlist at the time I don't think it was a key memory for my husband in that moment. Nothing was intentional or meant to hurt. If he'd remembered the conversation or I'd known about it I would have certainly talked with the friends before we announced. I shared screenshots of the baby name shortlist on my phone with them showing the page hadn't been edited in a while and it was one of the first additions to the list in the hopes it might at least prove we didn't add it because of them, but the friendship wasn't really the same after that.

The friend in question unfortunately found out he was infertile around the same time and so has never been able to use the name himself and I think the feelings of betrayal (although completely accidental) are just too wound up in that to come back from.

I might be a bad person but honestly I would have told her straightaway that you were going to call your daughter Alice as well regardless, and won’t she find it awkward? And that you already told people so they knew it was her who decided to have both cousins share a name. In the hope that she would backtrack.

This. ^ Too late now, but I never get why people (on here) tell people their future baby names. I say 'on here' because in real life, most people I know/have known don't seem to do it.