Did I do something wrong? Employee snapped at me

[Brooklans]

For context I am male. A woman who reports to me joined the company 6 weeks ago snapped at me and wondered if this is simply a misunderstanding.

A few weeks ago we had to travel to another city for work, I said I’d drove us both there the following morning at 8am. She gave her address (she’s staying at her parents temporarily) and then later sent me a text so I “had her number for tomorrow morning”. The next morning I arrived slightly early and didn’t call beforehand, and rang the doorbell twice. When she got in the car she said “Please don’t ring the doorbell again, it’s not my house it’s my parents I’m only staying there for the time being”.

She announced the role wasn’t right for her shortly afterwards, and on her final day I remembered she had some company equipment at home (for WFH purposes) and offered to pick them up from her parents house the following evening to save her bringing them back to the office. She text me the next day asking what time I will arrive. I told her and she texted back “Okay. Don’t ring the door bell again, just call when you’re parked outside and I will bring the equipment to the car”. When I arrived later I pulled up and rung her telling her I was outside. Afterwards I got out the car and walked to the front door, I arrived just ask she opened the door with the equipment, she looked taken aback and said “I told you to stay in the car!” I said “You said not to ring the doorbell I wasn’t going to” As she walked to the car with the equipment she said “I told you I’d bring the equipment to the car!” Put the equipment in the boot and walked off back into the house without saying bye. Thoughts?

It is bizarre that anyone would make shit like this up. i actually read the original post thinking “the OP is someone who is a little devoid of social skills” and the fact that it’s entirely fiction would explain that.

I can’t Imagine going to collect a colleagues expensive work equipment (probably a laptop maybe a monitor) and leaving them to struggle with it to the car and open up the boot themselves to get it in.
at a minimum you’d get out the car to open the boot? Then once up maybe walk to the door to assist with carrying?

So he’s supposed to just sit there in the car while she opens the boot and puts the stuff inside and closes the boot. Not allowed to even get out to check she’s closed it properly? Come on. Nobody does that. Everyone gets out of their own car to open their own boot. It’s what normal people do. Unlike being rude and ordering people not to get out of their own cars. That’s far from normal.

There’s a difference between getting out to open the boot (which I agree is normal) and walking up to the house if you’ve been asked not to.

But until we get clarity about OP’s sex change, I think we’re all just arguing amongst ourselves here.

The op is a troll, no point responding 😂🤷

I have now been educated by my teenage children that I do not ring the doorbell when I arrive to pick them up, just text them. I think it’s really weird personally! Even my dad now expects me to text to tell him I’m on my way, even if I’m going to arrive at the time we agreed I would arrive when we arranged it yesterday! Modern life!

Well if she had an issue with the OP she could quite easily have refused the lift from the outset and made her own way there. She was quite happy to accept the lift presumably saving her time and money? Only in the weird world of Mumsnet is it considered weird to ring a bloody doorbell on someone’s bloody door. Do people think they’re just for aesthetic purposes? But again the Op is a man so of course he must be the one in the wrong.

I suspect from the long posting history it's an Asian woman living with her strict parents posting as a reverse but I'm not risking engaging with it in case it's a bloke.

How? I’m repeating what OP has said. They offered help in both cases, the employee accepted, and provided conditions attached to acceptance of help. OP then helped. Employee could just have said, ‘thanks, but no thanks’, and sorted themselves out.

my parents are hoarders. I moved back in my twenty’s, I’d not want anyone near the house so would be ready ten mins before pick up to run out.

prior to that I was in an abusive relationship, I’d have paid for being picked up by a man and would have potentially been made to quit the job.

there could be a million reasons. None of which are down to you. Dont over think it, just wish her well.

@Brooklans when people blow up over a seemingly small thing, it's usually because they have a deep-seated dissatisfaction/frustration about a global situation. My guess is that she was very unhappy in this job for whatever reason and she took out her frustration on this doorbell incident. Perhaps she left a very toxic previous job, hoped this one would be good for her and it turned out to be disappointing for her. If you have otherwise a happy team, no problem with recruitment or retention, no turn-over, then it is her issues. If not, you might want to look at work conditions/ management, etc...

Very rude woman. The first thing she should have done when she got in your car was thank you. Not only was she bloody rude, she's being presumptuous as well, when she told you not to ring her door bell "again". She obviously thought you will be offering her more lifts. I cant understand why you were continuing to be helpful to someone who was an arsehole to you the first time. No good deed goes unpunished. Stop being so helpful, people will take you for a mug.

Agree with this

In this scenario I would have just text to say ‘I’m parked outside’. I wouldn’t go to their front door and collect them like a 5 year old. There’s obviously reasons she’s uptight about it, but you’ll never know why’.

As soon as I had the equipment in the car I would have told her to fuck off .

If you are a manager you need to toughen up. In the scheme of things this is so minor that the amount of headspace you have given it is way out of all proportion. If you are this sensitive, I would ask yourself whether you would be able to cope mentally with anything serious.

Can’t think of any. Just rude.

Perhaps she has elderly parents with dementia or similar that will get worked up if someone is in the house

I wouldn't over think it lucky escape I feel

Should have sounded the horn - twice! Be glad to be out of the drama.

Surely she was a colleague not an employee - unless you own the company ?

I suspect there was a reason why she was staying temporarily at her parents home, and neither she nor her parents wanted strange men on their doorstep, esp first thing in the morning.

As someone who supervises staff ( i.e. she reported to you ) you need to respect people's boundaries.

There's something going on in that house.

To be fair, even knowing this, I find it fascinating how differently people view what would be normal or acceptable in this situation.

Whether calling/texting or ringing the door bell is better.
Whether the contact outside of work near someone's home is problematic or not.
I'm here for the replies.

Besides, either thread could have been a reverse and whilst that's annoying, it doesn't make the poster a troll or a creep.

She sounds like a weirdo, just be glad she’s left!

@Round3HereWeGo I find it difficult to imagine how it could be a reverse, when the sex of the OP is material to the post and the responses, and the OP goes out of their way to indicate that they are man or woman in their posts. But who knows.

I suspect OP is the woman employee she's just written it from the other perspective