Did I do something wrong? Employee snapped at me

[Brooklans]

For context I am male. A woman who reports to me joined the company 6 weeks ago snapped at me and wondered if this is simply a misunderstanding.

A few weeks ago we had to travel to another city for work, I said I’d drove us both there the following morning at 8am. She gave her address (she’s staying at her parents temporarily) and then later sent me a text so I “had her number for tomorrow morning”. The next morning I arrived slightly early and didn’t call beforehand, and rang the doorbell twice. When she got in the car she said “Please don’t ring the doorbell again, it’s not my house it’s my parents I’m only staying there for the time being”.

She announced the role wasn’t right for her shortly afterwards, and on her final day I remembered she had some company equipment at home (for WFH purposes) and offered to pick them up from her parents house the following evening to save her bringing them back to the office. She text me the next day asking what time I will arrive. I told her and she texted back “Okay. Don’t ring the door bell again, just call when you’re parked outside and I will bring the equipment to the car”. When I arrived later I pulled up and rung her telling her I was outside. Afterwards I got out the car and walked to the front door, I arrived just ask she opened the door with the equipment, she looked taken aback and said “I told you to stay in the car!” I said “You said not to ring the doorbell I wasn’t going to” As she walked to the car with the equipment she said “I told you I’d bring the equipment to the car!” Put the equipment in the boot and walked off back into the house without saying bye. Thoughts?

You did nothing wrong. You were kind to her and offered to drive and pick up her equipment. You’ve tried to help her.

It’s perfectly normal, polite behaviour to ring someone’s door bell.

She was rude and ungrateful.

Also no one seems to have picked up on the fact OP says the arranged time for collection was 08:00 but he got there early without calling ahead and rang the bell twice! Not cool!

Or it could be her house and she’s experiencing domestic violence hence she didn’t want you near the house.

Her parents don't like her bringing boyfriends to the house, and they would assume you are a boyfriend? Her father is a violent drunk who attacks anyone who comes near the house? They have a pack of huge dangerous dogs that chase people? Or she just doesn't want to explain to her parents what she is doing?

She's gone so not worth worrying about, probably for the best!

How many people are sleeping at 8:00 on a workday morning? And he said slightly early, she should have been ready to go a bit early anyway if someone is picking you up for work, and surely she would have told her parents she was being picked up at 8:00 anyway. She sounds rather over protective of her parents house, perhaps they are not very nice people.

My retired mum would absolutely still be sleeping at 8am. I would have told her i was being picked up, HOWEVER the norm for me now is that someone would text me to let me know they are outside. This is what i also do if i am picking a friend up in my car.

Op if you are actually genuine, it could be possibly be she had issues at home that you didn’t know about and this is why she was on edge. The second time you ignored her instructions.

Did you give her an exit interview and find out her reasons for leaving?

She was wrong to snap, OTOH you shouldn’t have rang the doorbell early in the morning, second time she specifically asked you to wait in the car, being helpful or not, it was wrong to approach her door twice.
She could easily be living with terrible parents or in a hoarder house.
Maybe in future be less in the moment.

what a ridiculous comment!

She could've declined his offer of a lift, which I'm sure would also have been offered to a male colleague. Personally, as someone who has to endure delays he'll at Euston last night, I would've been delighted!

Similarly, he was being kind offering to pick up the equipment. She could've declined his offer.

He didn't ring the bell a second time.

She's rude.

My job requires frequent travel. It is completely typical to pick one another up on the way if it makes sense geographically. However, it’s always a case of a text when outside and wait for the person to come out. No-one knocks on anyone’s door- it’s almost like an unwritten rule- it’s a bit intrusive in this context. Also, like you’re hurrying someone. She clearly felt the same and you clearly don’t pick up on social queues. I imagine she felt uncomfortable. I wouldn’t exactly say it’s your fault but you seem completely oblivious. She said not to knock so wasn’t expecting you right outside her door as she opened it. Not a huge deal but something to think about in future.

It’s odd to knock at the door especially early in the morning. Going upto the door to collect equipment was quite nice, you were saving her a trip.
id assume she’s either a bit abrupt or she didn’t want you to know about her personal life.

FFS you don’t know what type of awful home situation she in. For all you know they are massive alcoholics with very short tempers. She asks you nicely to do something a certain way at her home there’s a probably a reason.

Totally fine to ring a doorbell. Totally weird to ring from as car except perhaps if too early (8am on a weekday doesn't seem that way to me).

I find people that ring from a car so impolite. Like you are at their beck and call and possibly a scary individual so they can't come up to your threshold. I've had a couple of people do that with things I've been selling or giving away and it feels as though they both don't trust me and want a delivery service.

And don't get me started on people who don't answer the door when they are at home!

Such trivial things but they add to making society feel more hostile and individualistic.

To the original poster....on it's own and if everything else was good it seems like she's rude and unpleasant as some people just are. Only you will know if there are underlying things that might make her hostile.

You didn't do anything wrong. Her maybe-this-maybe-that set up is none of your concern. You conducted yourself normally in an acceptable fashion.
Now forget about it.

Is everyone seriously losing their minds about someone ringing a doorbell at a pretty sociable hour of the day? I honestly despair for my young daughter and wonder if we should be moving to another country because I don't know how she's going to have a happy and fulfilled social life when everyone around her is so bonkers and terrified of basic social interaction.

It sounds like you have dodged a bullet and I really wouldn't give it any more thought.

I can’t really understand why you got out and went to the door over just texting her and saying I’m here.

I often tell my visitors that I am expecting to text me rather than ring the doorbell as if drives the dog insane. If they text I can settle him and then let them in calmly. I wouldn’t have thought to tell someone just picking me up not to ring the doorbell.

Shes left now, I wouldn’t give it too much more thought, but if someone tells you to stay in the car etc, just respect their wishes next time.

We can only guess but she clearly either didn’t want you close enough to the house to see inside it at all when she opened the door to come out or she didn’t want the occupants of the house to see you or to be alerted to your presence.

Who knows, but maybe she is in a coercive relationship and her fear at you being seen was such that she was prepared to be rude enough to warn you off.

I think you were polite and respectful and didn’t deserve to be snapped at. I feel she was hiding something but wanted it to remain nobody’s business but her own. Fair enough.

Ew.

A male fantasist probably reading people's responses about how this imaginary woman is beaten up at home-- and he's busy pulling the head off it.

Grim.

You wouldn’t listen.

She sounds weird.

But then we all seem to live in two halves of the same world. I live in the half where it's perfectly normal to ring doorbells and call people for a chat.

She was neurotic about you ringing the doorbell. For whatever reason. She overreacted by losing her shit over it but presumably there is a reason this has irritated or triggered her which you aren’t party to.

I would have been mildly irritated that you ignored a specific request like this twice. But her reaction is way over the top so I wouldn’t lose sleep over it.

Chalk it up to her not being in a great place and let it go but possibly worth remembering that these seemingly minor things can assume much greater importance to the person making the request than they do to you.

He didn't just ring the doorbell. He arrived earlier than agreed and proceeded to ring the doorbell. It says "twice" so what, rang once and no reply so rang again? What if she was still drying her hair, or in the loo, or doing something else that she couldn't or didn't want to interrupt to go to the door. And then what, she'd open the door and OP sounds like he'd have expected to wait in her [parents] house or something.

From a peer that would be irritating, but from a senior colleague where you add a power imbalance into the mix, I can see why she didn't stay long.

Ringing the door bell - she was perfectly reasonable about that. Normal to just call or text to say you are outside.
Getting out the car and walking up the path to help with equipment when she knew you were there- Yanbu and she sounds a bit strange. Lucky escape for your work place.

On what planet is it odd to ring a doorbell, FFS? That is literally what it is there for.

It doesn't sound like she "told" OP not to come to the door, rather than that she simply suggested he stay in the car. She doesn't get to give orders to someone who is doing her a favour.