Did I do something wrong? Employee snapped at me

[Brooklans]

For context I am male. A woman who reports to me joined the company 6 weeks ago snapped at me and wondered if this is simply a misunderstanding.

A few weeks ago we had to travel to another city for work, I said I’d drove us both there the following morning at 8am. She gave her address (she’s staying at her parents temporarily) and then later sent me a text so I “had her number for tomorrow morning”. The next morning I arrived slightly early and didn’t call beforehand, and rang the doorbell twice. When she got in the car she said “Please don’t ring the doorbell again, it’s not my house it’s my parents I’m only staying there for the time being”.

She announced the role wasn’t right for her shortly afterwards, and on her final day I remembered she had some company equipment at home (for WFH purposes) and offered to pick them up from her parents house the following evening to save her bringing them back to the office. She text me the next day asking what time I will arrive. I told her and she texted back “Okay. Don’t ring the door bell again, just call when you’re parked outside and I will bring the equipment to the car”. When I arrived later I pulled up and rung her telling her I was outside. Afterwards I got out the car and walked to the front door, I arrived just ask she opened the door with the equipment, she looked taken aback and said “I told you to stay in the car!” I said “You said not to ring the doorbell I wasn’t going to” As she walked to the car with the equipment she said “I told you I’d bring the equipment to the car!” Put the equipment in the boot and walked off back into the house without saying bye. Thoughts?

OP, you haven't addressed the fact that in your previous threads you were a woman, and now you are a man?

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How very dare he do a colleague a favour. What a bastard, eh?

To be fair to her she was probably worried about you waking her parents. A bit odd that you rang the doorbell rather than calling her/text

Thats not odd, its normal!

Come off it. If it was specifically OP that she had the problem with, she could and would have made alternative arrangements to send the equipment back. She didn't have to accept a lift from him, either.

The contortions people on MN will go through to put blame for women's poor conduct on men are quite extraordinary.

How was OP to know she lived at her parents' house?

Why would you even ring the doorbell? She gave you her number and it’s pretty standard to text when you’re outside, not ring the doorbell. I’d be annoyed about that too if I’d told you I was staying with my parents and gave you my number for the morning. Maybe it’s a generation thing? But we wouldn’t ring the doorbell; we’d text.

The second time, she specifically told you to wait in the car and then she caught you right at the door and probably thought you were coming to ring the doorbell again, or that you were trying to hurry her a long because you text and then still went up to the door… why?

It’s intrusive when you’ve been told not to.

She told him when they arranged the first pick up.

She doesn't have to give him instructions at all. He is doing her a favour. If she doesn't want it, she can use her words and say so, and make alternative arrangements to return equipment to the office.

What?!

Oh, ffs. What a saddo making things up for a forum. Get a life @Brooklans

What are doorbells for, for heaven's sake? If the woman had asked OP the first time not to ring it, then she might have a point, but she should have said on that occasion if he wasn't to.

The second time, she's asked him not to ring it and he didn't. He went to the door and waited for her to bring the equipment out.

OP is not this woman's servant. He was doing her a favour on both occasions. When someone is doing you a favour, it's not your place to be dictatorial about how they do it, particularly when your requirements are ridiculous.

What on earth would prevent an employee from refusing either favour? Especially the return of the equipment, given that at that point she was no longer an employee. First time round, she could have said no, it was just as easy for her to make her own way, or something similar.

Of course, another scenario is that she was snappy about returning the equipment because she was hoping the employers would forget about it so she could keep it.

First one was fine. Given that it was unlikely to happen again I'm not sure why she even mentioned the doorbell tbh.

Second time i would have followed her request. I think it was a bit odd to head to the door when she said she would bring them out to you, but I'm weird about personal boundaries, even more so when it's work people. You were doing her a favour but I would never go to someone's door if they had suggested something else.

None of it is a huge deal though, I wouldn't give it much more thought.

I think the mistake you made is making travel plans that involve picking someone up from their house. It is risky and could be seen as a boundary violation. We live in fraught over- regulated times and any interaction between a man and a woman in the workplace can be subject to a myriad of misinterpretations. This is even more heightened on work trips, travel etc. Take it as a lesson to protect yourself a bit more and be more circumspect in your actions in future. Times are changing fast and what used to be perfectly normal, acceptable behaviour is now seen as problematic in some settings.

Thoughts? I'll tell you my thoughts - stop asking for thoughts on a non issue

Why couldn't the woman just say no if she didn't want OP at her parents' house?

Making two brief visits for work purposes does not amount to suspicious behaviour, on any interpretation.

wtf! He was doing her a favour - he’s not a rapist!!

You have literally made up this scenario. You have no idea if that happened.

FFS - wrong to ring a doorbell, wrong to "enter her parents' property". Both of these actions were entirely normal and the second to save her having to carry stuff to his car. What is this weird code where no one interacts other than via mobile phone messaging?

Goodness. My first job after going back to work after DS1 was born, public transport just wasn't practical; I intended to take refresher driving lessons and buy a car, but it couldn't happen immediately. My immediate (male) manager lived fairly near me and gave me a lift every morning till I got the car, and (gasp) rang the bell every day. And all that time I didn't know he was being irritating and invasive. What a bastard.

What makes you think she doesn't drive?

How is that made up? It's perfectly obvious that the woman could have said this.

Why did you comment if it's such a non-issue?

Thank you for confirming that you made it up.

I voted YABU.

She told you she was staying with her parents and gave you her number.

So why would you ring the doorbell at 8am?! Her parents could be retired or ill or anxious about strangers. Just call her!

Also, she told you she would bring the equipment to the car, you should have respected that. A manager has to have sensitivity.

Would you have ignored her instructions if she were a man?