DUMB SHIT People say

[OneDearFawn]

I eat in a local restaurant weekly after work, so I typically go in with no makeup on. I am 35 and suffering with really painful cystic acne. Tried everything, my face is a mess.

Anyway, I go in on New Year’s Eve fully made up in makeup. The owners wife turns to me and says, wow, I didn’t even recognise you with makeup on, you look so much better with makeup on. After seeing I was embarassed and me mumbling ahh I suffer with my skin she stands and lists all the things allergy, hormones, everything as though to help. Yet making me feel worse and more of a spectacle. What she was saying is. God you look dog rough when I see you in the week. You should continue to paint your face to hide the offensive marks. I didn’t fucking appreciate it. Not one bit.

So got me thinking. What dumb shit have people said to you that ruined your day?

Years ago, I was working but had been accepted to do a degree course. I told a colleague who was around my age, and she kept telling me that her friend did that degree and that she couldn't find a job and that it wasn't possible to get a job with that degree and on and on it went. Every time I spoke to her she would harp back to how the degree wasn't much use. Even the university I was going to (a respectably, Russel Group) came into disrupted, as her friend went to a different one but the lecturer had written the textbook and I just wasn't going to get that standard where I was going. Ad it happened, that degree set me up for a great career! I did go on to get a more specific qualification but I learned touch from my undergraduate and went on travel a lot with my job and have a great life! I could never understand why anyone would try to piss on my parade so much.

I have found in life when you tell certain people what's happening especially if it's negative, they tell you about someone else they know who is going through the same thing. Then they give you the other person's story or half arsed version, and don't really listen to you anyhow. Like they swoop in and dominate what should be your story. It's made me very reluctant to open up. Examples:
When my Mum had cancer. How's your Mum. Me: up and down, she is on chemo at the moment etc. Other person: my aunts friend is the same.... (long anecdote about someone we don't know)
Surely if we are going to allow ourselves a conversation about the impact of cancer it should be my turn.

Similarly when I had a miscarriage, two of my friends on different occasions were like 'Snap' and told me about a sister and colleague.

Other dumb examples from strangers:
Ooh twins, are they identical (boy/girl)
Are there twins in the family? This i believe is a polite way of asking about fertility treatment.
Is he sleeping? Me: no, not much. Stranger: have you tried X? X being the most obvious thing like a dummy or music.

Also after a year after getting married and of etc, the plumber coming out to fix something and saying 'why aren't you pregnant yet'? All O could meekly say was 'im trying!'

Me in my days when I was considerably more overweight, helping myself to some cake at a buffet.
Woman in line behind me: ‘you don’t look like you need that’.

Thanks love.

Unless you are actually American “Dumb Shit” ruins my day as I hate the sheep like copying of American expressions.

I have genetic deafness. I’ve been profoundly deaf since my late 20s. I’ve had it all:

’Oh, my grandma’s a bit deaf.’
’We were going to buy you an ear trumpet for your birthday as a joke but we weren’t sure you’d like it.’
’There must be SOMETHING you can do to stop it getting worse. Why are you just accepting it?’
’Oh it doesn’t matter.’ Ad nauseam from people who’ve stopped ME in the street to ask directions when I didn’t hear them the first time.. IF I HAVE THE MANNERS TO TRY TO HELP YOU, YOU CAN FUCKING WELL TAKE THE TROUBLE TO REPEAT WHAT YOU SAID FOR ME.
‘Why don’t you make more effort?’ Well bugger me, I thought I was making an effort, every conversation I have with another person requires me to concentrate like mad, for a start.

This one was said to me when I was 14 - I'm 61 now and it STILL rankles!

In the changing rooms of a jean shop (they had dedicated jean shops back then) in Swansea. The sales assistant threw open the saloon style doors, looked me up and down and said "Not doing much for your short legs are they?"'

And from that day forward I grew a lifelong complex about my short legs!

My son was a late talker(3 before he spoke single words) in a taxi one day and the taxi driver was trying to speak to him, I said he can’t answer you he’s non verbal.. the taxi driver told me I should try talking to him, that’s what he does with his grandson and he can speak full sentences.

Ahhh that’s great, you know, in the 2 and Half years of his life I’ve never spoken a word to him!🤦🏻‍♀️

Oh gosh OP this is one where I didn’t want to read and not reply! I feel you. Acne is the worst. I was a long time sufferer and I still have to work on my skin every single day. I can never go out without make up as I just know the comments I will hear.
Roaccutane (more than one course for me) was truly my saviour. And for me, the light at the end of the tunnel that my skin might get better, was enough to over-ride the depression. I have a family history of depression so I totally get the fear. But the light at the end of the tunnel will keep you ok.

Also, I know you don’t want more recommendations - I hear you - I’ve had them all too!!!! (Stop drinking milk, just wash your face with soap, don’t eat crisps etc etc boring yawn etc!!!!) But this foundation is the best (dermatologist recommended - look it up - I’ve had nhs and private dermatologists too and a Harley Street one put me on to this about 15 years ago). And this stockist in Norwich is brilliant too. (I don’t know her personally just found that she stocked it and cheaper than Harley Street and delivers super quick too). Also get the kabuki brush. It goes on like a dream. So light, you won’t know you wearing it and it’s ‘good’ for your skin and spf. Expensive I know, but honestly I wear it every day and one lasts me at least six months. I wear ‘straw’ and I’m a typically paler skin type with dark brown hair. White British if that helps. I’m only on my second brush in the 15 years too.

https://perfectionskinclinic.co.uk/collections/make-up/products/bpc-mineral-pressed-foundation-powder

https://perfectionskinclinic.co.uk/products/bpc-retractable-kabuki-brush?_pos=3&_sid=aec2505ea&_ss=r

Hope that’s helpful and not more dumb shit. Sorry if it’s not.

"But isn't it lonely? It just seems selfish."

I'm single and childfree. It's neither.

A distant relative, who was an old bag and no one liked her said to me 3 days after having my 4th DS at 43 . " How are you dear" I replied "pretty tired to be honest" Old bag replied " well that will be all the extra weight you're carrying" ...yeah nothing to do with the 3 day old baby who never ever sleeps 😫

I was once told “cheer up love, it’s Christmas.”

My friend had died the day before in a car crash.

Great clip by Richard Osman about being told the obvious, day after day..
www.facebook.com/share/v/1BurC99rTY/?mibextid=wwXIfr

I delivered that line with deadpan seriousness once. Terrifying to think the mother thought it was a genuine question 😂

I’m northern sooooo, cunty as fuck attitude? Better?

Oh and another one - again in Swansea strangely enough (because by then I didn't live there). I'd gone down in the school summer holidays to help my mother who'd broken her arm. Not the best of ideas as I was 8 months pregnant.

Lo and behold, I went into labour when down there and gave birth to dc4. The attending doctor said I needed stitches and would be back presently to do them.

In the meantime, I had a bath, washed my hair and put some make up on. Eventually the doc came back, looked at me and said "where is the baby's mother?" I'm not one of life's natural beauties but I hadn't realised that, without makeup, I looked so awful that he didn't even recognise me!

Have had a complex about being seen without make up ever since! I'm thinking I should avoid going to Swansea ever again ...

Ummmm dumb means thick or stupid or thoughtless so OP has used the word correctly.

That’s so grim 🤢

Pharmacist always loudly announces what my prescription is for.
When I picked up for a family member she also mentioned loudly some of his previous prescriptions which honestly you wouldn't want people knowing, and he wouldn't expect me to know either.

Thank you!! I’d love roaccuntane but apparently they won’t prescribe if you have a history of depression or I’d be on it tomorrow! Thanks for the recommendation

Like that had never occurred to you to try, I despair!

In the middle of yet another epic tantrum from 3yo DS, very overstimulated from PIL and others visiting, DH and I frazzled by hosting all weekend plus younger baby too. I said to MIL, any tips, how did you manage your children's tantrums? 4 kids so thought she'd have some experience and wisdom - normally only too keen to share her stories. She responded 'none of mine ever had tantrums, but then it's different these days with you working and him going to nursery'. WTF. Are you seriously trying to make me feel more shit by somehow suggesting tantrums are a modern invention because mums work?! I mean I do get that after nursery in the evening they're tired etc but that wasn't what she meant. It was a judgement on me working and using paid childcare.

Dumb shit people say to me, I have 2 Bernese mountain dogs.. the first thing people ask is is Bermese, St. Bernard etc and I’m always kind and let them know.

Then they light up with the one piece of information they know ..

”oh they don’t live long do they”

My DH has to stop me from saying that’s correct and then asking so when are you going to die?

Fancy telling a pet owner the one horrid fact they are already fully aware of. Idiots.

Stranger (older lady) at a bus stop talking about baby DD: “Awww, is she yours?”
Me “Yes”
Stranger “Oh! Well you just look at her beautiful little face and then you look at yours… you just wouldn’t put them together would you?”
I was speechless and 22 years old.

'You don't look malnourished ' from a medical professional when I told him about my recent eating disorder diagnosis.