DUMB SHIT People say

[OneDearFawn]

I eat in a local restaurant weekly after work, so I typically go in with no makeup on. I am 35 and suffering with really painful cystic acne. Tried everything, my face is a mess.

Anyway, I go in on New Year’s Eve fully made up in makeup. The owners wife turns to me and says, wow, I didn’t even recognise you with makeup on, you look so much better with makeup on. After seeing I was embarassed and me mumbling ahh I suffer with my skin she stands and lists all the things allergy, hormones, everything as though to help. Yet making me feel worse and more of a spectacle. What she was saying is. God you look dog rough when I see you in the week. You should continue to paint your face to hide the offensive marks. I didn’t fucking appreciate it. Not one bit.

So got me thinking. What dumb shit have people said to you that ruined your day?

That is gross!

What on earth? Since when is "Dumb shit" American? You realise not everything you haven't heard of before is American, by default, right?

I know that is a major red flag and should not be around children. Extremely concerning and perverted to say such a thing. I’m guilty of not speaking up more but we need to call weirdos like him out

@OneDearFawn Roaccutane doesn’t always cause depression. Most people aren’t affected in that way by it and it is revolutionary. You could try it and monitor mood?

I think I’m going to have to bite the bullet and pay for a dermatologist appointment. I paid from private surgery last year and when I’ve looked, a dermatologist costs more than the neurosurgeon I saw 😳

In reference to me opening up to someone about how horribly unattractive I looked I was told with no hint of irony 'never mind, you have a great personality'.

Job done. I felt so much better. 🙄

Sartre was right, hell is other people.

In the staffroom at work, a mature start in her 50s heard me discussing my diet with another member of the department. (I was 40 at the time.)

"So...that's 4 stones now and I'm happy with that."

New start: "You lost FOUR stone?"

"Yes..."

"Wow. You must have a lot of slack skin!"

[I didn't.]

'Oh you're properly glowing and look how lovely and thick your hair is! Even the hair on your arms is so thick now!' my very lovely sister who totally lacks a filter upon seeing my pregnant self over xmas 😂

I love Bernese Mountain Dogs

This ⬆️ 🤣🤣🤣

Sisters. Honestly, what are they like. 😂

Customer at work: Oooh, congratulations! (Whilst rubbing my belly
Me: Thanks, but I’m not pregnant
Customer: Of course you are, look at the size of you!
I was not pregnant.

Can't you say to them that you'll go on antidepressants?

Was this another friend? My experience of “friendship” is it’s great to have company and a laugh, but they prefer you small and insecure to reflect themselves. Women are so unbelievably competitive that you are most likely very attractive but she wants to tear you down so you are less of a psychological threat. Sometimes forums like this women ‘can’ be far kinder than the women we know as we are strangers to one another.

The restaurant owner's wife was thoughtless at (a poor) best. There's no need to comment on your appearance at all.

Making health suggestions to you was absurd given a) It's NOT her business and b) She has no real idea about what has caused your acne and no idea about what treatment you've already sought.

Okay, another one.

When I was still working in the high school close to my hometown, I found myself teaching a distant cousin. (The school knew.) At the time, as I mentioned above, I was lead for Junior English at the school.

At New Year, the cousin's father - my relative - came to visit my parents. He turned to me out of the blue: "Let's face it, Weary - what guid did gettin a degree dae ye?"

I have very obvious identical twins (down to their missing milk teeth, tooth gap between their front adult teeth and matching cheek dimples) it’s quite common how often we get asked if they’re identical. I also get asked if they’re natural (as opposed to IVF) from total strangers. The last time I was asked, (while doing my Asda big food shop) I replied “yep, conceived the good old fashioned way, on a very hot summers night”
The real kicker though, is the people that say “two? oh I couldn’t think of anything worse” I just smile and think ‘imagine being that rude’ some things should stay in your head.

I have a child with ARFID. It has been 7 years now and we are under a lot of help but EVERYONE has an opinion. Even people I really like and I know are well meaning. I never make a fuss, just nod and smile and say we have tried that etc. I know they are trying to help but the teeny tiniest little bit of self reflection would make them realise that their kind advice translates to "you are a shit mother who has clearly not even tried the basics to help your child in 7 years" to me. Especially helpful when I take annual leave to attend specialist appointments and explain this to my manager and colleagues and they still volunteer advice. I'm literally seeing an ED paediatrician, your recommendation of a tasty soup he would definitely be unable to resist may not be the coup de grace you think, Joanne! I do not say this of course, I know it is human nature. Just a little bit of trust that I may have looked into things in the 7 years it has completely and catastrophically ruled our lives.

Oh, and when I was young, a hot neighbour looking at me with what I thought was lust: "you have a big fat head to match a big fat body". This stuck with me because it wasn't delivered nastily, more of an observation like in a wildlife documentary! I ended up breaking his heart a few years later, though, so all's fair in love and war!

To be fair, most women I know are friendly, supportive, and safe - yes, some women can be verbally nasty or try to put others down to feel better about their own insecurities, but competitiveness isn't really something I've encountered outside of high school, and for the most part, they're a darn sight better than men!

I really wish I could find those women as friends. The group I socialise with the most, it’s a competition about who is doing the most, the digs about not breast feeding, that every holiday and item must be spoken about to drop in how expensive. It’s not that they are bad people, but I find keeping up utterly exhausting.

DM told me a relative is considering retiring early. I said I'd love to as well. DM went on about how we'd all get bored, people are going back to work because they're bored, what would we do with our time. She was quite certain we'd all shrivel up not going to work every day.

The dumb part is she 'retired' at 26 - 50 years ago, when she got married & refused to wor again, even when times were tough. Did very little parenting, housework, etc. and has led a life of leisure with hobbies, socialising, shopping etc.

Even dumber is she complains they have no money & it's all DF's fault.....

Are you actually for real? Talk about kicking simeone when they are already down! What the hell is wrong with you?

Oh, I'm sorry, that does sound exhausting! And not fun at all. People obsessed with money and status are so tiresome.

My little friend group are more likely to talk about how we never get enough done, and then reassure each other that we're all doing our best and it doesn't matter if we let the little things slide 🙈 People always suggest to seek out friendships at hobbies, and I do find that works out quite well.

I don't know what is wrong with people who hear about loved pets then talk about them dying.

I have a house rabbit. If pets come up in conversation I often hear either; a stupid comment about eating rabbits or people feel compelled to tell me about their childhood pet rabbit who died in an awful way.

No. Sister. It was said with genuine sincerity, (which just made it worse 😂). I truly believe she thought she would make me feel better. She can be absolutely clueless!! It cut deep. And I've never forgotten it. But I don't believe she said it with malice. Just stupidity.

Women often project their own insecurities onto their friends. It's awful. You just have to keep looking for better friends. For some it's a never ending quest...like the search for the holy grail. The only comfort I can give is that the older you get the less shite you'll be willing to tolerate from people in general...and that includes friends. If they don't have anything positive to offer you, you'll kick them to the kerb. Because life truly is too damn short.

💐😘