DUMB SHIT People say

[OneDearFawn]

I eat in a local restaurant weekly after work, so I typically go in with no makeup on. I am 35 and suffering with really painful cystic acne. Tried everything, my face is a mess.

Anyway, I go in on New Year’s Eve fully made up in makeup. The owners wife turns to me and says, wow, I didn’t even recognise you with makeup on, you look so much better with makeup on. After seeing I was embarassed and me mumbling ahh I suffer with my skin she stands and lists all the things allergy, hormones, everything as though to help. Yet making me feel worse and more of a spectacle. What she was saying is. God you look dog rough when I see you in the week. You should continue to paint your face to hide the offensive marks. I didn’t fucking appreciate it. Not one bit.

So got me thinking. What dumb shit have people said to you that ruined your day?

Years ago, I mentioned at a family gathering that I was thinking of writing a book. I'd wanted to for years and finally started to feel I could.

BIL turned to me with something between shock and disdain and said "YOURE going to write a book??" with a sort of amused sneer.

Confidence instantly gone. I never wrote the book. I bet BIL has no memory of it whatsoever.

This is just one thing in the long line of stuff people have said in my life. Be careful what you say to people, words really do hurt :(

I unthinkingly and stupidly said "ooh, god, I wouldn't want to be in her shoes" after hearing my best friend's sister was having twins.

Not only is it just a generally stupid and not very nice thing to say but I said it right to my best friend's face knowing that BF had stillborn twins.

Fucking idiot. I cringe inside when I think of it. I rang my best friend later and apologised grovelingly for being so stupid.

Dad once had to give my title/name/address etc to a bank official to authorise me to talk to them on the phone on his behalf.
He told them that I was a Ms because I was a divorced person.
A conversation was had. Although I don’t think I was ever forgiven for not being “settled” ie married.

How awful 😔 Have you tried Hibiscrub?
I had someone laugh and point at me walking with a crutch, I was 26 at the time.I was born with a spinal deformity that is incredible painful and I take morphine daily just to manage the basic tasks.

Sorry for you that silly woman said that remark to you. You sounded. as though you looked really lovely.

Take no notice of ill.thoight comments from half brained thickos.

Yeah well I was taking about Chris Moyles. You are making a fuss about nothing and looking for offense.

I actually thought it might help you not make the same clumsy comment, especially given the point of this thread, but whatever, I don’t want to argue.

Me and my wife. Same sex couple. Neighbour says to my wife "oh, the kids don't look look much like you, do they". She was aware I carried the kids.

my husband died very suddenly and quickly of cancer when I was pregnant but 2 years later I found the confidence to go to a singles night but I was very nervous. I took huge trouble getting ready and said to my long time happily married sister ‘ how do I look?’ , hoping for constructive criticism and a confidence boost. She scrutinised me for ages then said ‘ you like fine except for your elbows- they’re really wrinkly and that dress really draws attention to them - they look awful!’
I was 38 and furious!! I obviously looked fine and she was desperately trying to find something negative to say!! The one body part I can say that I’ve never noticed on anyone!!

When I’d just had my boy girl twins in hospital a literal doctor asked me if they were identical while examining them 🤣 She then realised her mistake and apologised - I think she was very tired (and embarrassed!)

DH and I having dinner with in-laws at their house. MIL, as usual, is doing everything for FIL. Getting up from the table to fetch him sauces, napkins, drinks, a better knife etc. FIL never lifts a finger. MIL has been his dutiful doting wife servant like this for decades.

After MIL gets up to fetch him something else for the umpteenth time, FIL turns to DH and says "look at this son, you could have a wife like this"

I'm sat right there. RIGHT. THERE.

My daughter has ADHD. She had a teacher who used to say “she just has to be more organised and concentrate more” 🤦‍♀️

This has made me laugh 😂 sorry about your cancer, wishing you all the best x

After my husband died.. a neighbour telling me he knew how I felt because his cat died..

I was 17, living alone, broke and struggling.

I got a job in a care home a good hour and a half's walk from where I lived. I walked there and back every day, before and after 12 hour shifts because in my first month before getting paid I genuinely couldn't afford the bus fare which at the time was £1.50

Another colleague commented that she saw me walking in and home each day (as she drove right past in her car) and said didn't you say you live in XX? Why don't you get the bus? There a bus you know, it's too far to walk, get the bus, here's a timetable, get the bus, on and on even when I tried to say I was fine and change the subject.

Eventually exasperated with her constant questioning I gave in and admitted I didn't have the bus fare. It was in the staff room, full of colleagues and I was so humiliated.

She gasped and then laughed and said "what??!! You don't have £1.50? Surely you must have £1.50? Why don't you have £1.50? Where are your parents? Can't they give you £1.50 to get a bus?" On and on and on and I just wanted to sink through the floor. Everyone sat there awkwardly not saying anything.

She kept bringing it up for weeks too, she found it all highly amusing that I was walking to work because I didn't have £1.50. On pay day she said "ooh you'll have your £1.50 now! You can treat yourself to a bus!" hahahahahaha"

To this day, I don't know if she thought I was joking, making it up, or she just found my dire financial situation absolutely hilarious.

Many titles don't really matter. He perhaps thought Ms was right. I'm divorced but am called Mrs, Miss and Ms in various places. It doesn't mean anything and I wish we'd dispense with all of them!

Ooh god I'll never forget watching a game show (can't remember which one it was) in the early 2000s and everyone screaming at the TV because some woman was deliberating for absolutely ages over the question "are Tom Thumb and Thumbalina identical twins"

Even after the host said "ones a boy and ones a girl" and the whole audience laughed, she still had no idea.

From my MIL: Gosh you have lost weight haven't you? I thought you'd reached the age where you couldn't lose it.

Just anecdotally, it seems so, from watching these two friends. I googled it actually, since a sample size of two isn't very much (and I would have no idea since am not at all attractive) and found this:

https://archive.ph/RHiJE/again?url=www.thecut.com/2018/04/what-its-like-to-be-a-really-beautiful-woman.html

I guess it's a hidden prejudice, if it exists, in that you wouldn't know how bad the hate can be if you are not stunning yourself.

we were talking about weight and the woman who threads my eyebrows said i have a lovely face lovely legs but my belly is big 🤣🤣🤣😆😆😆

🤣🤣🤣

I had these exact same comments when my baby daughter was still born, absolutely crazy, I think people just don’t know what to say. Sorry for your loss.

My mum would say “ oh you look so tired and run down etc etc “
If I look tired and run down then how about you don’t mention it OR if you’re going to mention it then say you’re concerned and are going to help me with my 3 small children

I have to say, that article sounds very r/thathappened (aka, a fantasist's invention).

I don't see why women would have any reason to be nasty to an attractive woman unless the more attractive woman was the sort to go around trying to cause trouble, inserting herself into relationships etc. I'd wager it's likely something other than sheer looks at play, such as a personality clash, or insecurity on one friend's part that would come out in some way even if her friend wasn't 'stunning'. But then, I haven't studied it, just guessing.

Yes, quite. This comment is only acceptable if you are finishing you sentence with "when do you want me to have the kids/let me do that washing up for you/why don't I sit here while you go and have a lie-down/here's a fuckton of chocolate and a big glass of wine".
DO NOT comment on how tired someone looks unless you immediately follow it up with some love and support, you absolute pinecones.