Asked to give up my seat on bus

[Motnight]

On a packed London bus. A pregnant young woman has asked for my seat (only know that she is pregnant from her badge).I've said no, can she ask one of the younger more able bodied people sitting opposite or behind me? There are at least 4 people that are in their 20s / 30s and look physically fit sitting down.

She looked very shocked but just said ok. I am in my early 60s. I fell on ice a few days ago and am feeling a bit more wobbly than usual. Was I unreasonable?

Neither of you were BU. She was reasonable to ask and you were reasonable to decline on the grounds you also have a need for the priority seat. It’s possible all of those who you viewed as able bodied and physically fit also had a need and if so, they were there first so have the right to remain in the seat until such time as the get off.

She wasn’t unreasonable to ask. You weren’t unreasonable to say you can’t stand.

it takes a bit of bravery to ask, if you were in a priority seat you should have moved

Honestly she probably just found you the least intimidating to ask or potentially you were the one who wasn't buried on your phone.

She asked and you answered. No one being unreasonable.

No she shouldn’t, she needed the seat as she was wobbly after falling on the ice.

No she shouldn’t! She needs the seat as well…

OP I think you may think you were a bit unreasonable if you are asking us! Do you now wish you had given her your seat?

@midsomermurderer can I ask why I should have moved?

I do feel guilty - never refused before and in fact always offer my seat on public transport to people who I see needs it more than me. But honestly I don't feel 100% physically.

a few days ago and she mentioned her age first. Sounds more like entitlement to me. Priority seats are for those who actually need them, not those who just feel a bit wobbly.

I think it is telling the OP mentions that she wasnt visibly pregnant, as if she thinks then need isnt as great.

If you needed the seat you should have just said "No, I need the priority seat" instead of making comments about other passengers (who hay have had invisible disabilities). She certainly wasn't unreasonable to ask and if you needed the seat you weren't unreasonable to decline but a bit of politeness wouldn't have done any harm.

I was not sitting in a priority seat.

You weren't feeling 100%? So what 80%? As opposed to someone who could be feeling really shitty from morning sickness, nausea, having to balance standing on a moving vehicle?

I think it took some bravery for her to ask, so in your shoes I'd have turned to one of the younger people and said I'm sorry I really cant stand, would you mind, rather than making her ask twice.

Agree with PP. She asked you as you were in a priority seat, looked approachable and young enough at early 60s (compliment?) not to need it

Neither is unreasonable, you only knew she was pregnant visually due to the badge, she certainly wasn’t unreasonable to ask you to move if that’s what your asking.

ETA - apologies if you weren’t in a priority seat.

Do women wear badges to say they are pregnant ?

If that had have been me I also would have had to refuse due to an injury leaving me unable to stand for long periods which I'm hoping is temporary

That doesn’t mean she’s healed from any injury and pain that fall caused. Entitlement? Sure, she was indeed entitled to use the seat.

The woman wasn’t unreasonable to want a seat, but Op wasn’t unreasonable in saying no to her request.

If you have an injury, disability or condition that prevents you from safely standing then of course you were not being unreasonable.

I hope someone who was able did give her a seat.

I wonder if she asked you as there was a chance you've also been pregnant so youd know how she felt.

Regardless you weren't unreasonable not to move if you would be unsteady standing.

If she is feeling wobbly there is an increased chance she might faint or fall over, and preventing that is exactly why we have to have priority seats.

OP WAS NOT IN PRIORITY SEAT!!!!!!

Yep, really twee ones saying "Baby on Board" that London Underground provide. Always made me cringe myself inside out so I never did.

Agree with others that neither of you were unreasonable. She was fine to ask, you were fine to politely refuse. No big deal or worth ruminating on.

Yes, so you don't have to explain yourself on public transport and so decent people know to give you a seat. And so particularly in the early stages you dont have people complaining that you dont "look" pregnant.

Sad age we live in when people debate whether its right to give the pregnant woman a seat...

THE OP WAS NOT IN A PRIORITY SEAT!

And isn't her job to start asking others to move on behalf of someone else.

Yes, specifically for the purpose of obtaining a seat on public transport. Its actually helpful if you're minded to offer a seat becuase it avoids the embarrassment of getting up for someone who doesn't want it or isn't actually pregnant

That said, I don't think early pregnancy trumps the needs of someone who's had a recent fall and is feeling shaky on their feet.