Asked to give up my seat on bus

[Motnight]

On a packed London bus. A pregnant young woman has asked for my seat (only know that she is pregnant from her badge).I've said no, can she ask one of the younger more able bodied people sitting opposite or behind me? There are at least 4 people that are in their 20s / 30s and look physically fit sitting down.

She looked very shocked but just said ok. I am in my early 60s. I fell on ice a few days ago and am feeling a bit more wobbly than usual. Was I unreasonable?

If she is not neurodiverse (I didn't say ASD) then she sounds depressed. She could be both. My guess, not knowing her at all, is that she's mentioning 70 every day because she feels 70 every day and is appalled by the aches, pains and gradual reduction in mental and physical capabilities that being 70 brings to almost everyone in comparison with their younger selves.

This part of the discussion started because other people suggested that getting old doesn't have to mean you get less capable. It certainly doesn't mean you're necessarily less capable than some people who are younger than you but it 100% does mean you're less capable than your younger self.

Oh dear, what a frustrating holiday for you. Such an unhealthy mindset for her. I've only gone for one night stays with my friend and even in these short times it got wearing. Talked about how things start to go wrong as you get older, described herself as falling apart, and now and then muttered 'oh dear' while simply walking along a street. She seems to enjoy it, which is bizarre.

I don’t think you were unreasonable to refuse. But in your place I would’ve helped her find a seat by requesting someone else. Makes her feel a bit less awkward and you less guilty. Turning her down probably meant she wouldn’t have mustered the courage to ask again. That’s sad.

@Cushylife would know if she was Depressed.

She has been through a lot recently - but I really don't think she's depressed - she's very honest and upfront - she'd tell me - she's not the sort to hide of emotions. I'm hoping her mindset is a temporary result of her processing recent events and her need for recovery - but I really worry about her giving up and giving in to the aging process.
We always used to laugh at my granny who always would describe her age as in her 85th year - she was never 84 years old. My mother started saying that in her mid 80s too. It feels like my friend who is 69, is determined for the world to know she's nearly 70, I fear she is embracing her advancing years a little bit too enthusiastically.

She can't tell you she's depressed if she doesn't realise it herself.

I can see that you're a good friend, concerned that she may cause herself more physical degradation than necessary by giving in to aches and pains. It's a fact that doing more exercise, within reason, reduces joint pain and increases mental and physical health. . I can see that her attitude is fast spoiling her friendship for you. It would do the same for me.

Other than that, is there a problem with her having chosen to embrace being old and use it as an excuse to slow down?

Out of interest, are some of you american? Not relevant to anything. Just noticed the US spelling 'aging' is being used. Just curious as to whether it's a variant that has crossed the Atlantic now, or if just by chance there are american posters on this thread.

That's a fair point - maybe she is depressed. At one point over the last year I thought she was suffering from some kind of early dementia - she has just changed so much.😟

I'm UK born and bred and studied English to A level. I've never spelt aging any other way than I would spell raging, waging, assuaging, etc.

Not sure A level English is relevant to whether a U.S. spelling has become common usage in the UK. Both aging and ageing are correct but until now I'd only come across aging in books by american writers, although that doesn't mean it hasn't been over here for some time.

Some time would be since I could read, so 64 years!

Interesting. So many things are circular. Many U.S. spellings were originally standard English spellings taken over the ocean. While U.K English evolved, americans continued with the old spellings. Some of the Brontes' books have the old forms such as color, favor and gotten. Gotten, of course, has made a come back here, as has aging, clearly. I suspect dictionaries probably still list aging as the U.S. form, but they don't necessarily reflect current usage. Similarly americans still use constructions like I wish I would have ... where we would say I wish I had ...

From 'Murder at Mistletoe Manor' , F.L. Everett, page 2: 'They needed a break from each other and while researching an in-depth piece on Middlesbrough's ageing homeless population in mid December was admittedly bleak, it ensured Harriet had no reason to envy him.'

I probably have read the other version in UK writing, but have auto corrected in my head. Now I'd better stop this before I'm reprimanded for being off topic,

You're as fascinated by words as I am 🤣