Asked to give up my seat on bus

[Motnight]

On a packed London bus. A pregnant young woman has asked for my seat (only know that she is pregnant from her badge).I've said no, can she ask one of the younger more able bodied people sitting opposite or behind me? There are at least 4 people that are in their 20s / 30s and look physically fit sitting down.

She looked very shocked but just said ok. I am in my early 60s. I fell on ice a few days ago and am feeling a bit more wobbly than usual. Was I unreasonable?

I think it depends on how you answer. In a perfect world, I might have said: 'I'm so sorry- usually I would absolutely give my seat, but I am having trouble standing today because I just had a fall.'... or something like that- so she didn't feel bad for asking.

I can't imagine being offended if someone pregnant asked for the seat or if I was pregnant and someone said "I'm sorry, I need to sit as well as I'm injured". I can only imagine offence coming from the tone of communication e.g. pushy progress woman glares and says "You need to move" or woman in priority seat glares and says "No ask someone else in a grumpy voice".

I commute into london, and suspect there is a difference for an hour train ride compared to a short tube journey.

I don't think there is priority top trumps. Pregnant doesn't trump injured (or visa versa)...
I would have just said "sorry, I can't stand atm... could you ask someone else" said it loud enough for someone to jump up and offer!

They also need to provide Over 60 badges! FGS pregnancy isn’t an illness.

No one's saying the pregnant woman shouldn't have a seat, only that the OP didnt need to be the one to give it.

Normally I agree with you on this, I find it bizarre how willing people on Mumsnet are to argue pregnant women shouldn’t be treated with consideration.
But this is a situation where they BOTH need a seat and there are plenty of other people on the bus who could help.

I get severe motion sickness if I stand on trains or buses, even more so when it’s busy and I can’t see forward clearly. It’s bad enough even when i’m
seated. But I look fit and able from the outside. It’s never happened yet where I’ve needed to offer a seat, but every journey I am conflicted in my mind as to whether it would be unreasonable for me to not offer/say no.

The reality is, if I travelled standing up then I would feel really unwell for hours afterwards (probably half a day at least).

I got 3 short tubes and a 45 minute train and never stood on any of them. I will say that young white men were the worst for avoiding eye contact and Asian men were the best and the most keen to help, so maybe the fact that the areas I travelled through had high Asian populations helped.

But has cancelled the cheque ....

I don't think you were unreasonable. I even fainted on a packed hot train once. Only lerson to offer her seat was another pregnant woman. I ended up sitting the floor.
People can be shocking. Though op you were not.

This is what I was going to say. I am disabled and use a walking stick and I find it near impossible to stand on a moving bus or train. However,there have been a couple of occasions when I have been asked to give up my priority seat for someone else who was disabled. I did wonder at the time why they homed in on me when there were several other people sitting in the priority seats,and I came to the conclusion that I was obviously the least intimidating! I declined on both occasions. One,a young lady was fine and said sorry,I didn't realise you were disabled,but the other one,a middle aged man with an obvious attitude problem was most unpleasant. The person behind me gave him their seat and he proceeded to mutter under his breath about me for the entire journey. So that was nice.

You were both placed in a difficult situation because a fit and healthy person should have noticed the badge and offered her a seat.

I think you’re being quite hard on the OP. She did say she fell a few days ago and she’s in her early 60s. I do t think she was unreasonable to ask if the lady could ask someone else

That’s my experience too, I was working in Leicester while pregnant and the young Asian men were lovely. They used to make me go to the front of the queue in the sandwich shop!

People can be horrible. I'm so sorry to hear you experienced this.

A fall during early pregnancy i.e. before someone is showing is highly unlikely to cause any problem whatsoever. It has no impact on baseline risk of pregnancy loss and placenta abruption is extremely rare in the first trimester. It requires a major trauma for there to be any tangible safety concern. Once someone is further on, then the risks of a fall, as well as the potential for it occurring start to increase.

The risk of someone who has already recently had a fall and is still not recovered, falling again is going to be higher.

OP did nothing wrong in not giving up her non-priority seat.

I hate it when people say this, as someone who had hyperemesis gravidarum. It's absolutely awful. Why do some women hate other women?

So typical for two women, both feeling vulnerable, to be pitted against each other in this situation. Neither was at fault.

I agree with other posters - you were an easy target. Ask an older woman rather than a young one who might give you grief. You were not unreasonable.

I was even offered snacks and water on occasion, which I refused politely because even though they seemed nice I don't take food and drink off strange men. But I did find it very sweet and quite a reversal of the stereotypes about Asian men and their treatment of women.

I think it's cheeky to ask for the seat of a 60 year old woman (or man, for that matter). When I was pregnant I asked for seats all the time, but I approached young people! (Mostly men, but not only) I still ask for seats if there's a pregnant woman or elderly person standing nearby.

There should just be one generic badge that says, "Please offer me a seat". We don't need the details.

I couldn’t get to the priority seats at the other end of the carriage (packed train) if I could they are the first I would’ve asked. I could only ask the people directly to my right I got a reply like I said as above and I think I was too mortified to ask someone else in case they said no too!

I would always give up my seat for a pregnant woman or elderly or disabled person. YABU

Neither of you were unreasonable. Some women do need a seat in early pregnancy, despite it not being an illness. I fainted standing up on the tube on my commute when I was 11 weeks pregnant, but could stand fine when I was 35 weeks. Lots of women also have related illnesses. But ideally someone who is feeling more able to stand should give up their seat. I have to say, I often don’t notice those badges people wear, and at this time of year often don’t notice pregnancy bumps due to large coats and scarves. Sounds like just one of those things where no one was at fault