Asked to give up my seat on bus

[Motnight]

On a packed London bus. A pregnant young woman has asked for my seat (only know that she is pregnant from her badge).I've said no, can she ask one of the younger more able bodied people sitting opposite or behind me? There are at least 4 people that are in their 20s / 30s and look physically fit sitting down.

She looked very shocked but just said ok. I am in my early 60s. I fell on ice a few days ago and am feeling a bit more wobbly than usual. Was I unreasonable?

Passing out from low BP is less of need than being in your 60s? Have you always been an insufferable martyr? Personally I put my baby's safety above my need to appear virtuous during pregnancy.

All the other people on the bus, it would seem.

Why? She is also a priority. More so than a pregnant woman unless heavily pregnant.

So much agree!

Who do you know who you know for sure definitely has been suffering no problems in pregnancy, but has insisted on a seat purely out of entitlement?

Because my experience has been often they don't ask and need to be offered.

In that case she needed to find a priority seat, that’s what they exist for.

I’m guessing she asked you because you’re more approachable, but realistically she should have asked someone younger. One time I was heavily pregnant on a train and not a single finance bro moved.

Get a grip 😂😂😂
There are myriad reasons as to why someone may need a seat on public transport. Pregnancy may well be one of them, so may having an unsteady gait, or heart problems, or vertigo, or joint inflammation and so on… has London Transport provided badges for all of those situations?

Because the first trimester is famously symptom free?

A woman with pregnancy nausea being jiggled and jolted around on a cramped bus. What could possibly go wrong?

In my experience people don’t give seats to pregnant people so she probably needed to ask.

I remember standing on a busy train (wanted to sit but was too scared to ask anyone) and another standing passenger started having a go at me for standing and saying I shouldn’t be. I then questioned where I should sit. He suggested I should take a first class seat but I know that wouldn’t go well is a ticket inspector came round. Eventually someone overheard him complaining at me and gave me a seat.

No. Each of them needed a seat and OP was there first. There would be other Passengers more able to stand and in my experience someone usually offers.

As I said, the train was packed otherwise I would’ve asked those in the priority seating. Perhaps I should’ve shouted across the aisle, hindsight is great! Oh and it was a man I asked, I would guess mid 40s so nothing to do with asking an older woman to find her less intimidating! :) I only asked when I knew I desperately needed the seat, I guess this post took me back to that feeling and why I said OP should’ve given it up. Everyone can have an opinion without being grilled for it.

Yes they do. There’s a generic “Please offer me a seat” badge.

I was thinking about this on a crowded Tube carriage the other day. I was getting pointed looks from a parent of a child standing near me. I'm over 65, so I feel it's OK for me to sit while others stand although I would never ask for a seat (I'm pretty fit & stable & healthy). I will and do offer my seat to someone obviously older than me or visibly disabled, but not a child.

What's changed is that I'm of the generation where as children & teenagers we were required - by the conditions of our travel passes - to give up our seats to any adult. This was policed by bus drivers & conductors (remember bus conductors?).

And now, I'm expected to give up my seat ?

YANBU @Motnight Not at all. I wonder if the reason the woman asked you is that she's aware her own generation have been raised to be very selfish about offering seats, because as children, they were never required to give up seats to adults.

Yanbu to refuse if there are other people who appear more able to give up their seats (you probably appeared the most approachable being a ‘nice lady of a certain age’).

I’d definitely have explained “because it’s difficult for me to stand with my injury” though rather than make it seem like you may just not have a good reason.

Thank you I hate that argument too.
I used to know a guy who was paralysed legs down due to attempting a very stupid jump into a rocky river while drunk. He made a bad choice and ended up disabled. Does he not deserve consideration because he made a choice with consequences he didn't foresee? Of course not it's still tragic.
Pregnancy is q lot harder for some than others and even if they've chosen to be pregnant they still deserve consideration and care.

Priority seats are usually the ones closest to the entrance/exit and usually easiest to access overall. It's more a question of practicality than anything else.

As a cancer patient, if I’m wearing my wig and have eye make up on, you probably wouldn’t know I had health issues. There is no way I would be able to stand on a crowded bus or train though, and I’d be annoyed at someone who pointed me out as a better candidate for doing so based on my appearance.

Had the woman asked for my seat I would have had no hesitation in gently explaining the reason why I had to decline. I wouldn’t consider either of us as being unreasonable, and I also wouldn’t want to embarrass her with a flat out unexplained refusal.

However, I do try to take responsibility for my own situation and as far as possible would avoid getting on transport I can see is standing room only and require me to attempt to oust someone from their seat.

Why did so many decide op was in a priority seat when her op did not say that?

Because that's how people work.

Why on earth should a child stand for an adult, unless that adult is infirm or pregnant?

If an adult would take a child's seat just because they are an adult then they are the selfish one.

I don’t think you were unreasonable to say no.

Same.

I've been pregnant (didn't stick, unfortunately) and the bit of nausea, etc that I experienced didn't prevent me from standing on a bus. (Yes, I know - everyone's different during pregnancy.)

Now I'm in my 60s, have a diagnosis of patella alta, problematic feet, pins in my big toes, a tendon problem in my right foot and standing for lengthy periods of time is more difficult for me.

Unfortunately, I have had a few falls and when it has happened to me, feeling 'wobbly' translates to being 'unsteady on my feet'.

Motnight
I've said no, can she ask one of the younger more able bodied people sitting opposite or behind me? There are at least 4 people that are in their 20s / 30s and look physically fit sitting down.

Maybe she thought you looked fit and healthy too and that's why she asked.

How is everyone deciding the lady was in early pregnancy? I didn’t have a visible bump until I was well over 7 months, I did however have excruciating pelvis pain that made it hard to stand. I think the OP was right in this instance as she also needed a seat, someone else should have stood.

I'm not a fan of the 'baby on board' badges. Didn't want to wear one (a tfl staff member once forced a badge upon me and didn't understand why I refused to take it!). Appreciate I didn't suffer during pregnancy, but also my feeling was if I needed to sit down I'd just say to someone 'I'm pregnant and feeling unwell, can I have your seat?' If they'd said they too were unwell/disabled I would have asked someone else.