Birthday/Christmas cards on display at home - are they free for anyone to read?

[Mamma1828]

Prompted by a relative who recently visited, picked up a birthday card I had propped up on the window sill and read the message inside. It was tucked away mostly out of sight in a low corner and I’d kept it out because it is a very beautiful one.

For context this relative hadn’t sent me a birthday card that year (I have stopped sending cards and I send good wishes by WhatsApp) and this was the first year they hadn’t sent a card to me, so I was wondering if this had provoked some annoyance in them.

I don’t have visitors too often but the ones I’ve had have happily picked up cards and read the messages, the way you might pick up a magazine to flip through at someone else’s house. I don’t know why they feel it is ok to read them because the messages are either lovely but not interesting, or if there was something more personal to read then other people really shouldn’t be reading them! If I have any on display it’s because I want to enjoy the lovely pictures, not for people to have a nose at.

I’m very tempted to write one up with a racy message inside for future visitors. 😂

Anyway curious what others think - are cards a free for all for anyone to read?

You really can't conceive of some people also writing personal messages in cards? Even though the example of a DH writing something intimate/sexy in a card has been given more than once in this thread?

Eg. Thank you for all your help with x this year. It was a horrible time due to y and I'm so grateful.

I would look at them but not read any message. Might just glance at who it’s from at a push but can’t remember last time I actually did that! Some people put quite personal messages in.

I suppose it’s okay as they’re on display but it does seem rude for some reason and I wouldn’t read someone else’s cards although would openly admire the front of one if it was particularly nice. I’m not sure why though!

My mum has a habit of reading my cards, but it’s because she’s incredibly nosey and I do find it annoying. I never say anything though because they are on display. I can never think why I find it irritating though!

You're missing the fact that not everyone writes cursory messages in cards.

@redskydelighthas put it perfectly!
The only person I know who does this is my MIL. She is one of the most nosiest people I’ve met! I find it really strange as I would never do it. She reads every single birthday card I put up, then asks questions about people. My niece is engaged to a woman, and I was surprised she didn’t ask about that the last time she read all my cards because I know she feels uncomfortable with her being with a woman, turns out she asked my husband instead of me 🤦‍♀️ it’s none of her business!

Yea I would say so

never even thought it was an issue, especially of close family. I’ve read theirs, they read mine.

I don’t think that a reasonable human would see a birthday card displayed in someone else’s home and interpret that as it having been left there for other people to look at. It’s their home, it’s for them to look at, nobody else. That’s why the personal messages are on the inside of the card. If they bend the cards the other way, so that the messages are on the outside and the picture on the inside, then you’d have a point, but otherwise, no.

I think it all boils down to what you were taught as a child. If nobody ever told you that it was rude, you’ll probably not see it as an adult.

Yes they on display

It never really occurred to me to read the inside of someone’s cards in their home.

I’ll glance at the pictures but unless it is a card that is displayed in a way that the inside is visible and expected to be read, I wouldn’t.

Why would you?

If the card - or the chocolates - are opened on the coffee table, you could be excused to think it was an invitation . Even if normal people would think that you might have been reading the card and forgot to put it away, or would wait to be invited to dig in because that's basic manners, but fine.

But something that's just in the room? Of course, it's NOT an invitation for you to open and read inside 😂, neither is a parcel or a delivery from Vinted, or anything that's not directly and specifically given to you to have a look.

You have to be on another level of CF to think it's any of your business to even check the names of the senders?

No one has yet replied, what business is it of yours to check the content of other people's private post exactly?

You have to be on another level of CF to think it's any of your business to even check the names of the senders?

I agree and why would you want to read cards that haven't been sent to you?
I have a friend whose MIL would come round, read all the cards and even take bills and letters out of envelopes and read them. I can't get my head round why anyone would think any of it was their business and not realise how rude it is. I would silently judge anyone who came round to my house and did it. My friend's MIL is basically never invited round now.

Maybe this thread has shown some posters that their behaviour is actually pissing their hosts off but they are oblivious to it.

And the opposite would seriously have never occured to me 🤣.
Also, I've never WANTED to pick up and read someone else's card, if there is a message inside it was addressed to them personally not me. So this isn't some kind of smug superiority being 'polite' I would just have never considered it as an option.
I would treat it the same as a postcard. I might put a PC someone sent me from their holiday on the fridge, but I would never expect anyone with manners to pitch it off the fridge to read the back!

I wouldn't touch them unless offered.
The only exception to that would be If EG the invitation was specifically for food and there were plates of food laid out. And even then I would expect some kind of ' help yourself' from the host, I wouldn't just dig in.

I don't think most of us keep our living rooms as entertaining rooms with artfully displayed coffee table items and bowls of sweets that are intended for visitors. We live in them and keep the things that make us happy around us and don't expect friends or random visitors to paw through every item that isn't locked out of sight because they have basic good manners.