Birthday/Christmas cards on display at home - are they free for anyone to read?

[Mamma1828]

Prompted by a relative who recently visited, picked up a birthday card I had propped up on the window sill and read the message inside. It was tucked away mostly out of sight in a low corner and I’d kept it out because it is a very beautiful one.

For context this relative hadn’t sent me a birthday card that year (I have stopped sending cards and I send good wishes by WhatsApp) and this was the first year they hadn’t sent a card to me, so I was wondering if this had provoked some annoyance in them.

I don’t have visitors too often but the ones I’ve had have happily picked up cards and read the messages, the way you might pick up a magazine to flip through at someone else’s house. I don’t know why they feel it is ok to read them because the messages are either lovely but not interesting, or if there was something more personal to read then other people really shouldn’t be reading them! If I have any on display it’s because I want to enjoy the lovely pictures, not for people to have a nose at.

I’m very tempted to write one up with a racy message inside for future visitors. 😂

Anyway curious what others think - are cards a free for all for anyone to read?

Yeah - the poster you were responding to said ‘I don’t display cards, so it wouldn’t affect me, but never in a million years would I pick up a card in someone else’s house. It’s really bad manners. It’s the same as reading a post card that was propped up on a mantelpiece or eavesdropping’ - and you responded ‘not the same thing at all.’

Was it just the eavesdropping that you deemed ‘not the same thing at all’?

I would not put my hospital appointments on the fridge for all to see.
Dear cosyblankets your next smear is on 20th January
No thank you that's private so I'll put it away

Bit much to accuse people of being wierd just because they happen to disagree with you on this.

I think it’s fine to look at the exterior of a card but would no more look at the inside message than I would open a private letter.

We’ve just been brought up with different rules that’s all. I think quite a few people would think it impolite as a visitor to go along the mantel or windowsill reading messages not intended for you though.

I think it's really rude to look inside someone's else's birthday card. The front of the card is on display and they can look at that but not open it to read the message.

I was brought up bad? I can spell weird.

I agree with this. I keep my particularly nice cards out for a little while longer after my birthday for instance because glancing at them cheers ME up in my own home - they’re not for the benefit of any guests I have visiting.

I put up cards that I have received, in my home, for my pleasure. Not for visitors to my home. That’s how I run my home, for my benefit.

@ArlanymorI display my birthday cards in my own home for me to see not for other people’s Benefit. I didn’t realise my house was a public gallery! I don’t mind people looking but if it’s a long note inside I will think you’re a bloody nosey bugger!

Cards standing partly open on their end and clearly on display in a "public" area of the home are OK to read. And perfectly reasonable to do since greeting cards often have the majority of their pre-printed message inside.

I wouldn't take a closed card off a pin/ribbon board to read the inside or go into someone's bedroom/study, and if I didn't want the inside of a card I received read by others that's where I'd put it. If you want to use the front of cards as art then consider those display options.

I don't think the analogy others have used of going through someone's post or rifling through a stack of papers is a fair one because those things aren't intentionally displayed for others to view.

If I saw a beautiful notebook on a table I wouldnt pick it up and leaf through it

Its like reading through someone's wall.calender. its not on the wall.as a piece of public art
Duh.

I don't think the analogy others have used of going through someone's post or rifling through a stack of papers is a fair one because those things aren't intentionally displayed for others to view

it’s a very fair analogy. Similar to other post, the greeting card wasn’t addressed to the nosy visitor, it wasn’t intended for the nosy visitor, it was intended for one recipient, addressed to them and they’ve chosen to put it up in their home for them to look at for a few days. That’s not an invitation to gawk at their personal mail.

I wonder if this is helping the trend of killing off sending cards.

If I cannot display a card from a friend on my own mantle because a snoopy snooper might come reading it, the card itself serves no purpose more than a letter rather than being something pretty with a note inside.

The card becomes the envelope of a letter to be tucked away.

Seems a waste of time picking it and paying for it, for it to sit hidden from even my own view because roaming eyes and fingers can’t leave alone.

I spend more time awake downstairs than I do my bedroom, I’d rather have my cards where I can actually enjoy them, than sleep with them.

Every day really is a school day on Mumsnet. Until five minutes ago, I had no idea that anybody would think it rude to pick up a card that was on display and look inside it.

Let’s all worship you.

Do you regularly read mail that’s been sent to others?

Thanks for being normal.

because those things aren't intentionally displayed for others to view.

but they are NOT displayed for other to read inside? What makes you think they are?

It would already be rude to ask if you can read the cards, because you put the host on the spot and they might not dare saying no.

At best, you wait until they invite you to read, you don't take it upon yourself! If people don't tell you that you can read them, take the hint!

So your boss, your GP, your child's headteacher has Christmas cards in their office, you just walk over, open them and read them do you? 😂

I've never know people that rude they would rummage and read your cards, we know about CF but to be so proud of it? It's hilarious.

if you had normal guests with normal manners, you wouldn't need to do that.

It's not normal for people to start going through people's post, it's really not 😂

You had no idea it's rude to read a card that was not addressed to you, without expressly being invited to? Seriously? 😂

Sometimes people have a table where guests put presents at birthdays or weddings, so technically they're "on display", do the CF from here open the presents to check what's inside the box too? 😂😂

You only took a fragment of my comment so perhaps you missed the part where I specified that I think the manner and place in which is displayed is important. Is the card left open or closed? Is it in an obvious public display spot or in what reasonable people assume to be personal space?

Placing something out standing upright and partly open on a space typically used for public display is going to send visitors different signals than a closed card or a card tucked off into a more private area. I'm not going to go pull someone's closed photobooks off their bookshelves but if they leave an open book on an entry table then I'll feel welcome to flip through it because putting it out open and in a highly visible space sends different signals about privacy vs invitation to look.

They are partially open to allow them to stand up freely, not to make it easier for nosy fuckers to peer round and read the inside 😂

Not your question, OP, but how do you square appreciating some cards so much that you keep them to enjoy the lovely pictures, with no longer sending any of your own?

To answer your question, unless immediate family or similar, i don't think it really is OK to read cards. But I have done it myself 🤷🏻‍♀️

They're open so they can stand up. It's a bit nosey to read messages to others. In my own home not everything that I leave out is for opening and reading.

That may be so, but people read signals not minds.

This is one of those things where OP can either plug their ears and insist their personal rule/preferences is the only right one and everyone else should just automatically or they can look at whether they're sending signals that are being interpreted differently than they intend. The specifics of where and how the cards are displayed affect whether people feel welcome to look at something, so if OP is finding that guests feel more welcome than intended I would suggest displaying them closed (magnets, pins, ribbon board) and/or shifting them into a less public position.