Birthday/Christmas cards on display at home - are they free for anyone to read?

[Mamma1828]

Prompted by a relative who recently visited, picked up a birthday card I had propped up on the window sill and read the message inside. It was tucked away mostly out of sight in a low corner and I’d kept it out because it is a very beautiful one.

For context this relative hadn’t sent me a birthday card that year (I have stopped sending cards and I send good wishes by WhatsApp) and this was the first year they hadn’t sent a card to me, so I was wondering if this had provoked some annoyance in them.

I don’t have visitors too often but the ones I’ve had have happily picked up cards and read the messages, the way you might pick up a magazine to flip through at someone else’s house. I don’t know why they feel it is ok to read them because the messages are either lovely but not interesting, or if there was something more personal to read then other people really shouldn’t be reading them! If I have any on display it’s because I want to enjoy the lovely pictures, not for people to have a nose at.

I’m very tempted to write one up with a racy message inside for future visitors. 😂

Anyway curious what others think - are cards a free for all for anyone to read?

It is.

And even if you gave a good argument for why they aren’t the same, it would still be lacking in manners to read them.

You can worship me anytime but only if I’m on display!

this is the funniest thread I've read in ages

in a space typically used for public display
what? my kitchen or my living room? 😂😂

The specifics of where and how the cards are displayed affect whether people feel welcome to look at something
In the privacy of my own home? No, they really don't. They affect how I try not to have the rude people visiting again however.

Imagine having in-laws who barge in and start reading your post.
Cleaners would get sacked if caught rummaging through private post and reading it

I wouldn't read other people's cards and I wouldn't expect mine to be read. I had a cleaner who I know read my cards...

It would never cross my mind to read someone else's card - they are displayed for them not for visitors.

not a concern for me though as hate cards and never display them.

I don’t want to exchange cards! The relative has persisted for years but I think she finally gave up this year. I only mention it as she may have been extra annoyed with me, reading at the card on my window sill, because it wasn’t from just anyone, it was from someone specific on DH’s side.

@FlockofSquirrels I'm not going to go pull someone's closed photobooks off their bookshelves but if they leave an open book on an entry table then I'll feel welcome to flip through it because putting it out open and in a highly visible space sends different signals about privacy vs invitation to look Yet you wouldn’t look at an unlocked phone sitting next to it?

I wouldn't read cards put up in someone else's home, I would feel I was intruding a bit. However, if my MIL visits and there are cards up, she does read them all.

I don't even read my husband or kids Christmas cards or post, it's important to show children healthy boundaries and basic manners from young. Fancy a random deciding to start going through their post.

If there's a voucher with the card, do people also open it to check how much was gifted? 😂 😂

The rudeness is funny, but it's so disrespectful to let people read what information or what was written full stop by a friend, who didn't know it would become "public knowledge" because someone has decided it's fair game to intrude.

We’re humans, not dogs - social interactions should be based on rather more than just spontaneously “reading signals” in the physical environment. Most people bring a pre-programmed set of behavioural guidelines to the table; manners, etiquette, boundaries, awareness of cultural context. And those would tell most people that it’s the picture on display when there is a card on someone else’s mantle piece. The message on the inside was written from one person to another, and if you are neither, then it isn’t for you.

Is the phone propped on a display stand or something similar that a reasonable human would interpret as "I have left this here in this spot specifically so it can be looked at"? I assume no.

Last try: OP, if you don't want people to read the inside of cards then try envisioning specifically how you would put them out if you did want visitors to feel welcome to read them. Then do something noticeably different with them than that.

I mean, if you want someone to read a letter or a card, you actively give it for them to read.

If someone wants you to read, or open or eat something, they will offer it to you. I don't know how anyone would see private cards, or boxes of chocolate etc somewhere in the room and decide they can help themselves.

Nosey people always going to have excuses for being nosey 😂😂

I think its weird that you think its okay to read other peoples cards.
They are on display because i might like the image on them.
It doesnt mean i want everyone reading them.

I don't know how anyone would see private cards, or boxes of chocolate etc somewhere in the room and decide they can help themselves.

Ok, boxes of chocolate is a good example. Most people wouldn't open up a box of chocolate and take one, nor would they go into someone's cupboard. Most wouldn't even ask after one.

Now imagine an older relative with an open dish full of sherbets and quality street set out in the middle of the coffee table when guests arrive. Will that feel like far more of an invitation to take a sweet than the closed box of chocolate set aside on someone's desk? The sweets bowl has been put out in a way that suggests they're for visitors to enjoy, so if the idea of people helping themselves to a sherbet is disturbing I would choose a different approach to storing them.

I’m not stealing grannies sweeties just because they are in a bowl anymore than I’d walk up to her fruit bowl and take a banana.

Unless she’s clearly specified previously to help myself and even then I’d still ask.

If I have change sat by the door that doesn’t make it fair game.

Same as I wouldn’t just wonder off to find someone’s toilet I’d ask if I can use their bathroom.

My mum looks at cards. She makes a beeline and look at each one reading it. She enjoys sending and displaying cards. She sees it as they are in display to be looked at. I assumed it was a thing when she was younger?? I personally wouldn’t I find it odd.

Complicated family dynamics is the short answer. 😂 I would be fine not to receive any cards ever again but I appreciate the card this particular person sends to me. (They are DH’s relative so he takes care of anything on his side.) I send wishes to friends and family on WhatsApp to let them know how much I appreciate them.

Also generally I’m not bothered about keeping the messages private, it was just the specific circumstances that got me thinking. about etiquette when visiting. Going by the thread people have different boundaries and you probably don’t know which side a visitor may fall on, so best to assume cards will be read. 🤷‍♀️

If we're sat in the kitchen having coffee the fridge is right next to us. You can't miss it.

What are we missing here other than
Dear Alex
Happy birthday
Best wishes
Sam

That's pretty much what my cards say
What am i missing?

I wouldn't read someone else's cards. But knowing how nosey some people are, I wouldn't leave any out that I wanted to be kept private.

How nosey.

I usually ask before I look but know not everyone does.

I was brought up by parents who had no concept of privacy or boundaries. Before they come to my house I have to "sanitise it" - move anything that they might look at that is none of their business, or anything that I don't want them to comment on. Cards would come into this realm - even if they only say "From Jane and John", it's none of my parents' business how I know Jane and John unless I've chosen to tell them.

I don't do this with any other visitors to my house, and no one else feels the need to pick up items and look at them.

I therefore equate looking at cards with nosiness and trampling over boundaries.
I've yet to see anyone on this thread who does it having any other reason. If it's within a situation where you all freely look at each other's stuff that's clearly different.