Birthday/Christmas cards on display at home - are they free for anyone to read?

[Mamma1828]

Prompted by a relative who recently visited, picked up a birthday card I had propped up on the window sill and read the message inside. It was tucked away mostly out of sight in a low corner and I’d kept it out because it is a very beautiful one.

For context this relative hadn’t sent me a birthday card that year (I have stopped sending cards and I send good wishes by WhatsApp) and this was the first year they hadn’t sent a card to me, so I was wondering if this had provoked some annoyance in them.

I don’t have visitors too often but the ones I’ve had have happily picked up cards and read the messages, the way you might pick up a magazine to flip through at someone else’s house. I don’t know why they feel it is ok to read them because the messages are either lovely but not interesting, or if there was something more personal to read then other people really shouldn’t be reading them! If I have any on display it’s because I want to enjoy the lovely pictures, not for people to have a nose at.

I’m very tempted to write one up with a racy message inside for future visitors. 😂

Anyway curious what others think - are cards a free for all for anyone to read?

I would think it was expected to look at and admire the pictures. I would think it was unusual and a bit intrusive to read the messages inside. It wouldn’t bother me if someone did it in my home, though I would internally raise an eyebrow. I would not do it personally. I have occasionally, when having a card pointed out to me, asked if I can read it, but only if I know both parties well and think it will probably be ok.

Just feels so nosy to me, to read any message not intended for me. I wouldn’t read anyone else’s cards, nor can I see the attraction. My FIL will have a good read through my birthday cards, but he’s an interfering busybody. One year by best friend wrote ‘Hello David’ (FIL’s name) inside her card to me - he pretended not to see it, but we both know that he did

On display, ok to look at

I agree with PPs that if a card is on display I wouldn't assume it's a secret or private at any way.

For context this relative hadn’t sent me a birthday card that year (I have stopped sending cards and I send good wishes by WhatsApp) and this was the first year they hadn’t sent a card to me, so I was wondering if this had provoked some annoyance in them.

Why would relative send you cards when you don't send any to them?

Look at, look with eyes. Not pick up and examine.

If you can’t see the inside without removing it from where it is displayed then it clearly isn’t intended for your eyes.

This ^
and I think in your situation OP she made a point of reading it, and did it with some negative feelings in a way so you picked up on that.
If you would had several cards on your mantelpiece and your visitor was looking at them waiting for tea, bored, it would be very different.

Mind you, I'm not mad on cards and mostly just chuck them straight in the bin. If someone put a really nice message I would keep that. But "love john and Sara", straight to bin.

Oh for god’s sake, we will all be second guessing every single casual interaction soon. I’m sure I’ve admired a card or two before thinking ‘ooh this lovely who’s this from’, had a little look then placed it back down. Hardly the snooping mission of the century. It’s not the same as going into someone’s bedside drawer and having a good old root around.

I can't imagine ever being interested enough to read someone else's birthday card, but I don't think it's rude if they have been left in a communal area like a kitchen or living room (it would be different if they were in a bedroom).

Nobody has said it’s the same as rooting through someone’s bedroom, but it is a bit rude and shows a poor grasp of personal boundaries. And yes…most people do think before they act or interact. You call it second-guessing, I call it being considerate and having manners.

My approach is that it wasn’t addressed to me and wasn’t sent to me therefore it wasn’t intended for me to read.

My FIL occasionally does this and I always find it really weird and intrusive!

No, I think you should put ones with private messages in your bedroom. Most cards don’t have anything remotely private in them.

I agree with this.

I went to a friend's house and waited while she went to make tea. She had cards on display. I looked at the pictures but it didn't feel right to read what people had written to her.

Of course it's ok if they're on display! To the poster who compare it to a pile of post on the coffee table.... they're not on display!

I only ever read the inside of others cards if they personally tell me to. Often a funny card in a pick up the in with a pig in from aunt carol hilarious and the cat one from your uncle omg! You won’t believe what he wrote.

I wouldn’t go over and pick it up and open it to read. Just like I wouldn’t take a postcard off the fridge to read the back. The picture is shared the message is private unless offered.

Nosey rude people go around snooping on the inside of cards, flipping postcards, checking whats written on others calendars and so on.

I am shocked by the replies, it's unbelievably rude to read people's private cards!

"display" would mean the inside framed and hanged on the wall and then yes, bit weird it wasn't for people to look at.
Cards in the privacy of your own home? People can look at the outside, but read them? It's just as rude as rummaging through a pile of papers put on the side to see what's in them.

Not everybody writes a boring "merry christmas from", many cards are personal, WHY would anyone even think it's acceptable to go through them?

I despair of the lack of manners and respect if people think it's a free for all.

Imagine having the kind of relatives that force you to hide all your cards and lock everything for privacy, completely ridiculous.

I have never put a card in my bedroom nor do I intend to. Thankfully my friends and family are not so rude as to start picking up cards and reading the inside.

I wouldn’t dream of it. MIL did this the other day - picked up an anniversary card in which DH addressed ne as ‘Sugar Tits’ 🤣🤣 Oh well, her bad!

I didn't realise that, in the same way we have to child-proof the house for obvious reasons, we also have to "nosey CF-proof the house" for rude visitors who think they have a right to read private correspondance, look into cards, and what? go through the family calendar to check our appointments? read through my emails if I happened to leave my laptop open? Go through my handbag because it was "on display" as in on a chair, and not locked in the cupboard?

That's amazing 😂😂

The OUTSIDE is on display, the inside is NOT. If you think it ok to pick a card up to read the inside why would you not think it ok to pick up post to have a nosy?

Would you take a postcard off a fridge to read the back?

Would you take a postcard off a fridge to read the back?

sounds like people would! It's "on display!"
So am guessing, same for medical appointments etc.. that we also put on the fridge.

Now I understand a bit better why some MN posters are allergic to visitors. Can't blame them