Birthday/Christmas cards on display at home - are they free for anyone to read?

[Mamma1828]

Prompted by a relative who recently visited, picked up a birthday card I had propped up on the window sill and read the message inside. It was tucked away mostly out of sight in a low corner and I’d kept it out because it is a very beautiful one.

For context this relative hadn’t sent me a birthday card that year (I have stopped sending cards and I send good wishes by WhatsApp) and this was the first year they hadn’t sent a card to me, so I was wondering if this had provoked some annoyance in them.

I don’t have visitors too often but the ones I’ve had have happily picked up cards and read the messages, the way you might pick up a magazine to flip through at someone else’s house. I don’t know why they feel it is ok to read them because the messages are either lovely but not interesting, or if there was something more personal to read then other people really shouldn’t be reading them! If I have any on display it’s because I want to enjoy the lovely pictures, not for people to have a nose at.

I’m very tempted to write one up with a racy message inside for future visitors. 😂

Anyway curious what others think - are cards a free for all for anyone to read?

I would consider it akin to there being a pile of letters under the coffee table.

I wouldn't leave private papers out in the living room if I was having visitors. Not that I think they would deliberately read them, but it would be embarrassing for the guest if s/he inadvertently caught sight of them or spilled something on them. Not hard to shove them away in a drawer or desk or keep them in a different room.

how would you know who it's from without looking inside first?

I would never look inside someone's birthday card

I think it’s really rude and intrusive to read a personal message clearly intended for someone else. It’s not for you. It’s not addressed to you so don’t be so bloody nosey and show some respect!!!

I'm super nosy but I wouldn't because I know it's rude. Other people do though.

I guess you act like normal person and say: “Oh this card looks lovely - the one with a rat on” and the person who owns the card says: “It’s cute isn’t it - it’s from Great Aunt Bernice.” And you both know Bernice, so…

I find it mad that people think looking at lovely messages even from people you don’t know to someone that you do know and care about is somehow an invasion of privacy?

When the card is ON DISPLAY. It’s a bloody card, not a PIN. Not your secret photos. It’s a bit of reinforced paper with lovely sentiments.

I am 47 next month, I should be too young to tell people to grow up. But some people seriously need to. My god.

Don’t put it on the mantelpiece then!

And by the way I’m sure it’s just generic shit written in there anyway!

It feels quite nosy to go over and read the inside... But that said, if they're out on public display I don't think you can be entirely surprised that someone might nosy inside! I probably wouldn't do it, but I feel if you really don't want them read they should be somewhere else.

You can bend your head round to look at it. But not touch it and pick it up.

If a card is standing up then most likely you can see the inside without even picking it up. A relative would probably do this in a 'ah, it's nice that cousin Joe still keeps in touch' way. I can't even be arsed to read messages in cards half the time so likely they are just seeing who it's from. If it is personal 'what a terrible year it's been/ I have never forgotten that night we spent together' kind of message then you should probably keep the card in a drawer somewhere.

I only do this at my parents’ house if I’m very notes. I can’t imagine doing it in anyone else’s house as I don’t generally roam their sitting room.

It’s reading somebody’s post, so no I’d never think to read the inside of a card and would find it very strange and intrusive if somebody read my cards.

I would think it was very rude for someone to pick up and read my cards. Just because something is in view within my home doesn’t mean it’s fair game to be picked up and examined.

Look with your eyes, not your hands! If you have to pick it up, it’s not for you to look at 🤗

You do seem overly angry about this thread? Your posts are increasingly intense.

Everyone else is posting in a pretty measured way, the harshest thing anyone has said as far as I can see is that reading someone else’s cards is a bit nosey (which seems fair!)

Maybe go and have a cup of tea?

Perhaps some of these card picker-uppers haven’t read anything good in a while. Shall we list them some book reccs?

Wasn't there a thread recently about someone who was "outraged" by a visitor reading cards on display?

I wouldn't dream of opening someone's cards to read the messages. And I'd find it pretty intrusive and nosy if a visitor did that in my home.

No. The cards are on display in my home for me to enjoy. Like fuck am I going to gather them all up and put them away just because visitors are coming round. It doesn't matter whether the insides have anything interesting in them to read or not, it's still rude. Maybe it's instinctive just because it's what you do when buying a card in a shop: look at the outside and then look inside for the printed greeting but definitely not ok in someone else's house.

I think it’s absurd. I’ve responded because I’ve been quoted.

Sorry that you don’t feel I am allowed to express an opinion in the way I wish to.

Maybe you can go and have a cup of passive aggressive tea too?

@Arlanymor to me the word ' display' implies that something is positioned so that it can be seen.
In the case of a card the front of it can be displayed. It's not possible to simultaneously have the interior on display
Unless it's an exhibit somewhere and a copy made of the interior and displayed next to m the face of the card.
You were despairing of people not understanding the word display but your understanding seems lacking.

Oh dear, I was trying to bring a wee bit of levity, but it clearly missed the mark. I apologise.

You are of course allowed to hold any opinion you like and express it as you choose, as are we all.

You do appear to be disproportionately angry about this very mild little thread though, hence my concern, but I’ll take myself off as I have clearly made things worse. 😟

So it seems like one poster would go through everyone's cards but most other people wouldn't.
I'd look at my mum's cards but if I was in a friend's house, I'd just admire the fronts. I wouldn't mind if someone picked up and read my cards but I'd be a bit wary about what else they might do...

The entire purpose of displaying it is to display the exterior. The interior is for the recipient. When something is displayed the implication is always that you don’t go and pick it up.

It’s for display only. That means grubby hands should be kept off!

I wouldn't read anyone else's cards and don't expect people to read mine. I always put racy messages inside dh's cards ( as my mil found out the first year we were together when she picked up and read his card! ).

You might want to buy some birthday cards of your own and write your messages like...

"Thank you so much for your Conclave Vote, Leo (Pope)"

"Merci pour ton aide recénte, bisous. Manu"

"Great ideas, thanks, we must get together again soon, Elon"

"I do wish you had accepted the honour this year. Maybe next year? Love Keir, xxx

...and then intermingle them with your other cards.

(N.B. Works for Christmas cards too!)